I could do with an outside view on this please.

anchorwatch · 06-28-2012, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by truthspeaker

Oh yea. One of my past relationships that cheated on me I do not know how many times....After leaving her for the 3rd time is when I realized...she had a BF and she would call me for booty calls, I would pick her up down the street from her BF's and go give it to her and drop her back off. I had no intentions of ever having a relationship with her...just using her for sex that was it. Well then her uncle comes to my house and threatens to beat me up if I continue to play her. (her uncle used to hang out with us and knew how shiesty she was) So I sit down with him, went over a few things and he said your right...she almost owes it to you. I played her out until I found someone new. So maybe you could do the same....If someone is really so mentally messed up that they cannot live....then they are lying. Be strong. **** is easy to get over....it didn't seem that hard for your wife to get over you to be with someone else....it wasn't your fault (STOP BLAMING YOU, WE ALL HAVE TO WORK OR ELSE THERE IS NO LIFE) she did it, now she is still holding you by a thread, you wonder every day and night. Stop wondering. Your homework tonight is to go out and get a girl to at least ask you to take her home...you do not have to take her home (it would be a great relief if you did), but at least know that someone wanted you tonight. You owe it to yourself. Take care of YOU! YOU ARE THE VICTIM. Don not allow her to turn it around on you. Enough of playing her game.....make her see that you are going out....get some new HOT FB friends, let her see that you REALLY ARE NOT WAITING ON HER!! Right now she knows you are still hanging out waiting. Until you move on...she will not get out of her so called "fog". It is a ploy. It is her way of getting her space and filling herself with someone else if you get my drift. Time for you to fill up some other womans void...

Wow. I guess we should all stop wasting our time posting, since he has the answers. Way to go.

truthspeaker · 06-28-2012, 03:11 PM

She also doesn't need any more time. You have given plenty already. Now she is on your time. This is your schedule. Be all ALPHA...who needs beta....LOL Just go have fun. Let her know you are having fun. Post pics on FB of you having fun in a pub with some hotties. Like I said...her "time" will drastically shorten and she will either come around or decide that you are not for her. In which case you are free....make sure your next GF has a JOB!! Any woman that doesn't work is garbage. Women fought to get equal rights....now they want us to treat them differently? They do not need anything that we do not need. If men have to make money, they should bring their share to the table also. A relationship should be 50% 50% no 90% 10%....or any other. Women need to earn their keep also. I have my money...my wife has hers. I buy guns, gadgets, boats, and fishing equipment with mine....she buys shoes, clothes, make-up, and pedicures with hers. The bills are split 50% 50%.

truthspeaker · 06-28-2012, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchorwatch

Wow. I guess we should all stop wasting our time posting, since he has the answers. Way to go.

I mean really. Do you get what I am saying anchor man? Sorry I have not chimed in sooner...I just read all 29 pages today at lunch. I just have a great perspective of the whole story and it is all "fresh" to me.

Also...it seems when it comes to a relationship...I have been in all kinds. I have seen them, been close to one or both of the people in them, or actually lived through them.

warlock07 · 06-28-2012, 03:24 PM

She is back in contact, maybe? Some women like men that treat them like sh!t. start the 180. You need to pull way way back.

Quote:

EDIT: Just got some crap back about she hasn't got a sense of humor at the moment, that shes not gonna keep trying if I'm gonna hate her and the roles are reversed. Haven't replied

She is the one that crapped all over the relationship. She should be breaking her back to fix your feeling(that she severely hurt the past couple of months) Now you are the one trying to beg and fix. What ever happened to your alpha?

When did she beg to come back ? Right when you were dead sure of divorce. See the pattern?she just wants a place to stay now. Get rid of her. She is treating you worse than dirt

goldstandard · 06-28-2012, 03:37 PM

I have been following this thread from the very start and haven't responded because all the posters have done a great job with their replies in trying to stear you in the right direction. By all means do I not claim to be an expert on marriage and family issues. However, I have been down a very similar path as you are going down now. I can't hold back any longer and have to jump in here to give my two cents. Fuse, you are walking on egg shells. I commend you for being as patient as you are and the effort you are putting forth to Save her. I also understand the trajedy she has suffered lately. However, it is at the time of trajedy that a spouse should lean on her "rock" which is you, her husband, rather than straying. To use the tragedy as an excuse to seek attention (althou just a kiss as far as we know) from the OM is shocking. The biggest red flag here is to have a spouse needing to find herself and that she is not IN LOVE with you at the moment. She wants her cake and eat it too. You will eventually grow to resent her when you realize you are just spinning your wheels. Add to all this her suicidal thoughts and you are fighting an uphill battle. Be careful, you can lose yourself (your own pride and integrity) in trying endlessly to FIX her or your marriage.

fuserleer · 06-28-2012, 03:44 PM

thanks, and yeah my wheels are spinning after today, shes done one thing, said another, then said something else.

This fuss over a joke, when I said the same one only a few days ago, while she was standing in front of me naked about to get in the bath is just crazy!!

My wheels spinning and I'm getting ZERO traction...I shall just go back to being an ******* like yesterday, she came to talk this morning, so we did...now we are back here.

goldstandard · 06-28-2012, 04:00 PM

Go on the offensive. Toughen up!! Take on the attitude that YOU are better than the way you are being treated. You can't fix her by yourself. She has to want to get fixed through the help of professional counseling. In the meantime, you don't have to let life pass you by. Look out for yourself. It is okay to be selfish about your own well being and needs at this point. You are better than this. Go the 180.

turnera · 06-28-2012, 04:02 PM

truthspeaker, you sure have had a lot of people cheat on you.

fuserleer · 06-28-2012, 04:08 PM

I did, I told her that I wasn't going to let myself get slapped in the face at every turn when we are supposed to be trying to "sort this out". That if she didn't like anything I did, then its a pointless exercise even trying. That I was just trying to cheers her up, as that's what "friends" do! and then I said about her letting me know when she was ready to do it properly, and I was going to do my own thing until then.

I got back a sorry and thanks for trying to cheer her up, and a "dont be like that". Left it at that.

She wants the pro help and stuff, perhaps its just too early for her and shes just bat **** crazy atm, I can appreciate that, and her feeling weird kissing and stuff...but jokes....come on lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by goldstandard

Go on the offensive. Toughen up!! Take on the attitude that YOU are better than the way you are being treated. You can't fix her by yourself. She has to want to get fixed through the help of professional counseling. In the meantime, you don't have to let life pass you by. Look out for yourself. It is okay to be selfish about your own well being and needs at this point. You are better than this. Go the 180.

jameskimp · 06-28-2012, 05:04 PM

I read over this thread, and no offense but you're just a doormat. She clearly can walk over you whenever she wants.

In the beginning, you were so adamant about wanting divorce for even the slightest kiss and bragging about how you could get back in the dating game so quickly. Then, when you do tell her, she's silent after you tell her the news and next comes back for a day and you instantly reconcile. Like you turned into a completely different person half way thru this thread?? Read it over.

You might not be able to see it but you were definitely her 2nd option, her fall back until she found another guy. You were the guy she could use for money after she finished screwing the OM.

Wake up buddy and now she's making you do all the work for reconciliation when she should be begging you to take her back. You took her back wayyy too easily and now she walked over you before and is walking over you now. You are a doormat.

fuserleer · 06-29-2012, 02:47 AM

yeah that's kinda how I'm feeling at the moment, doormatish!

I mean, I don't mind working with her at it, she says that she wants to, but at the moment I'm getting nothing back....and after I got told off for that joke last night....well...she wants me, she can do the contacting.

I don't think strictly no contact here will work, I want to sort this our, she says the same, she needs pro help for her problems and all that, and I think that me going total no contact with her would just make her worse. Plus there's all those suicide signals.

The proof of the pudding will be when she has her own place, then I can start to go down and get some real time with her and maybe turn this whole thing around.

Toffer · 06-29-2012, 06:57 AM

" mean, I don't mind working with her at it"

That's the entire problem! She's NOT working at with you. Ypu are doing ALL the work!

fuserleer · 06-29-2012, 07:03 AM

well shes having issues getting a place, and her folks are driving her insane.

I told her that I would get her a place, as in my name on it, a nice place....BUT.....before we do that, shes gotta move back here for a while at least and we live as roomies and see what happens. Told her that it wouldnt hurt and if shes serious about "the plan" then theres nothing to loose.

She agreed that it couldn't hurt but she would feel uncomfortable, but that she would think about.

Give her some options, see what she takes.

WillK · 06-29-2012, 08:14 AM

I think that in addition to everyone here that doesn't get the whole her moving out thing, now you've got divine intervention joining the chorus.

fuserleer · 06-29-2012, 08:40 AM

erm how do ya mean?