General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
How can I get my husband to give me some attention? I feel so lonely anymore. He's a workaholic and when he comes home, the only physical attention I get is a hug/kiss, and then another before I go to bed. He eats his dinner, and watches tv until he falls asleep.
I love my husband so much, and I miss him, even though he's still here. He doesn't take me seriously when I say I'd like some attention. I get it that he wants to come home, relax a little with the tv. He works hard and deserves some R & R. But he usually falls asleep in front of the tv and rarely comes to bed with me. When he does and wants sex, that's the ONLY time I get any attention. So, I often refuse, and tell him why. I always get the "I'm giving you attention right now" excuse.
Thoughts? Ideas?
The bold sections in your post bother me. You want his attention in a physical way but then deny him sex as a punishment for not giving you what you need. First I think that is not going to work for you. It will just further a wedge between the two of you. (If you are not in the mood decline it by all means but to deny him the physical closeness he asking for and that you your self are looking for is a bit counter productive.
If you want his attention STOP asking for it. You made your self clear. Start by having a life out side of the relationship in the evening when he is home. Join a book club or something productive and let the Mr. stay at home and make his own dinner. The second you take the focus off of him and what you need (and stop putting it in his face) from him the more likely he is going to take notice.
You could always invite him to join you on outings once a week. Plan dates and the like too. Be proactive and end his couch sitting every night. There are seven days in a week one day out with you will not steal his R&R (which is sounds like he gets plenty) I think a mix of focus on you and a date once a week will make things better just stop using sex as a weapon. It rarely ever motivates it usually makes for a growing bitterness on both side for the other.
Wow that was long sorry about that just have a lot to say today.
OK, cross posted. You have a life. Still, don't hang around for him. Make what you do interesting enough that he wants to do it, and don't give up inviting him and telling him you want to share it - not pleading, just asking once then going. Posted via Mobile Device
I think the strongest thing you could do right now is also the easiest - if one of you initiates, make a pact that the other won't refuse (unless under exceptional circumstances).
When you want attention, you'll get it... when he wants it, he'll get it.
Use that to jumpstart the emotional connection and start figuring what else you BOTH need, and do it. You guys sound like you are filled with resentment to me.
Get out of your conform zone, strip, dance for him, infront of his TV, there is no way that he will push you away. Be sensual, walk naked or in G-string, with no top in front of him, bend over, masturbate in front of him, if he drinks, drink with him, dive into his world. Get to know his shows, engage him at his level. Once there you can suggest changes. I am jumping around, as ideas come up, so I will be all over. Tie him to his chair, literally, blow him, tease him, if you don’t shave down under and change your look. If you don’t use makeup, use it, wear your hair up down, men love change, change and get his attention. Be more aggressive in bed, give him sex when he wants it, but you are the driver. He will be paying attention to you then, slip in that you want to go out tomorrow and as a woman, you can get anything you want before he c0mes.
If none of this gets his attention, send your kids to your parent or in-laws for 1 week day and remove all the TVs, DVRs, DVD, blue rays, computers, all the mass media stuff from your home, put it in storage or in a friends garage. That will get his attention, that will shock him and he will get it that you need, want and deserve more attention. Don’t let this go, fi you do, it will only get worse. Use your fem skills; those will get you want you want, good luck and write back if you use any of my methods.
Building on lamaga's suggestion, why don't you try waking him up on the couch with a little oral?
Guys get emotionally connected through sex. If tou want any chance of him responding the way you want, sex him up and then talk about what you want/need. You'll have a better chance of getting it!
So, seriously all I need to do is provide more sex? Is it really that easy?
Use your fem skills..........to get his attention but to manipulate it out of him all the time ...um, don't.
I get it you want him to WANT to give you attention and desire your company too. It will take time, work, and the little advise to shock him into turning his head your way is a good start but once you have it communicate with him about it. If he is doing a great job providing for the family being a good father and so forth mention to him that you appreciate all that he does. Praise can go a long way.
See if there is something he needs from you as well. Sometimes people shut down like that because their needs are not being met and you might think you are meeting his needs but are actually fulfilling the wrong things. (read his needs her needs & love languages both helpful books)
Above all when ever he does give you attention, does something sweet, and things along those lines. Tell him how it makes you feel. Think about it if you are responding to his smooth moves in bed whether verbal or body language and it tells him he has done good then there are ways to tell him out side of the bed room that he has done good too. just a thought
So, seriously all I need to do is provide more sex? Is it really that easy?
LOL you'd be surprised. You do something for him like that in the morning, and he'll be thinking of coming home to you all day, especially if you seem enthusiastic and not like you're forcing yourself.
They are words of affirmation, touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. Couples need to know how their spouse feels loved, and make sure that they express their love in a way that will be appreciated.
Fascination, we obviously know nothing about your life. But I'm still wondering about the sex thing. You say he turns you down when you initiate. How often do you turn him down? Because it sounds to me like you are rejecting sex quite a a bit and he's rejecting you out of spite. Is that possible?
And if not, pardon me. Speculation is kind of the lifeblood of these kinds of boards, but we all make mistakes.
He doesn't ALWAYS turn me down. He kinda chuckles and then uses a lame "woman's excuse" like "I'm tired" or "I have a headache" or the tv thing. He also has a cleanliness thing, too (not about me, lol, about the surroundings of wherever we are at the moment). Quite frankly, he turns me down more than I do him. So, in actuality, I guess I kinda turn hime down out of spite, now that I think of it. I kinda have a rule that I won't turn him down three times in a row. But looking back, our sex life is always either really frequently or really not. There's really no inbetween.
If he is only affectionate when he wants sex, that is not ok. I know people here are telling you to have moe sex, and that's all fine and good, but the fact is, he's not meeting your needs either. So you need to tell him straight up you feel neglected and want to be closer to him emotionally. Suggest ideas.
You sound like you are really upset and disappointed with the situation. That is very important and a huge warning sign. And if you don't nhip this in the bud now, I can promise you, you are going to start resenting him if he doesn't meet you halfway or show empathy for how you feel. Resentment leads to a lot of bad things.
WOMEN NEED that emotional connection/to feel loved/to feel connected to their partner. He needs to step up his game, too.
He doesn't ALWAYS turn me down. He kinda chuckles and then uses a lame "woman's excuse" like "I'm tired" or "I have a headache" or the tv thing. He also has a cleanliness thing, too (not about me, lol, about the surroundings of wherever we are at the moment). Quite frankly, he turns me down more than I do him.
How old are you? How long married? Kind of odd that a man would choose TV over s*x with his W. Has he always been this way?
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Re: How do I get more attention from my husband? 
Re: How do I get more attention from my husband? 
