LOSTfan

I guess a little backstory.... We have been married for 2 and a half years, I'm28, she is 29. We both live in Vegas, and I work for an internet company 11-7 and she is a ****tail waitress (doesnt like her work, she has a degree in advertising) and works 6pm -til it lows down usually 12-2am.

I recently got her her current job, because I worked with management in my previous job at this hotel/lounge club. Things have had their ups and downs like all marriages, Ive been jealous in the past, and so has she. 8 months ago, I asked her to send me dirty texts. She felt uncomfortable withthat, and never would. So i dirty texted a girl in cali, something I knew would never get physical, and of course, got caught. Aplogized, I knew I was wrong,and promised to never do it again. Never did. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. She had come home talking about someone who works with her who was very cute. She called him eye candy, was him hitting on her, caling her smart and beautiful, I knew who he was because I used to work there. WE were good work friends. So i thought nothing of it. But my jealousy got me worried.And started to think about it all the time.So i went through our records and found about 40 texts to this guy. I told her about this, and of course she got mad at me for snooping, but her anger was negated in my mind because she was doing this.

I looked at it as a lie, because she obviously didnt volunteer this info. She offered to let me see the texts as she viewed them as harmless, so when I got home, I went through them,and he was hitting on her. calling her smart and beautiful. what i noticed was that some of the 40 texts were done with me in their presence. i went to pick her up the night before, and was sharing a beer with this guy while they texted. she didnt say anything innapropriate. he texted her she was smart and hot with me there, and her reposne was, wow that made me smile. all with me there.

so after 2 weeks of me being jealous about this... she claims nothing phsycial has or will happen. shes married and shed rather end the marriage first.... well ive ben jealous, i dont like her spending extra time at work, like when its dead, she can just clock out. but she stays to try and make a few more bucks... now its me as the bad guy. and i smother her, and im too controlling, and she needs space....... what to do

Acorn

My first thought is that you are in a marriage where you never see each other, and you both seem perfectly comfortable sexting anyone except each other.

This is not a marriage.

Toffer

Uh Oh!

The "controlling" word and the "I nedd space" comment are straight out of the cheaters handbook!

She may be starting an emotional affair (EA) with this guy

You need to go to the Coping With Infidelity forum and read up on this stuff.

I would also advise putting a key logger on your PC and a voice activated recorder (VAR) under the seat of her car with heavy duty velcro ASAP!

See if you get any solid and undeniable evidence this way. If you do, confront her and tell her that she has to go no contact with this dude.

She's getting her ego stroked by this dude and is using him to build up her self esteem. He only wants to get in her pants

I'm sure others will chime in shortly and tell you this can be real bad!

LOSTfan

I know what I did was wrong. It was a week's worht of a mental lapse. I justified it by saying I asked her to do this for a year and ahalf. But that too is still wrong. Havent done it since. Never will again..


As for her, Ishould say, she immediately said that she viewed it as harmless, but that she had no idea it would hurt of bother me that much and shed never do it the texting, or talk to him unless its work related again.

Acorn

Re-read what Toffer wrote again.

Also, realize that your marriage has a lot of problems that need to be overcome even assuming you can overcome her emotional attraction to this guy. You both will need to learn to trust each other again, as well as starting to meet each other's needs instead of finding excuses not to.

keko

Which phone is she using?

LOSTfan

Just hers. We have a family plan with tmobile, so I have access to see number of texts, who to, and calls. She doesn't have another phone that I know of at least.
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lamaga

Toffer -- except for the fact that some guys really ARE controlling.

LOSTfan

We've talked about it. I've told her I feel emotionally stung, I don't feel the same affection from her as in the past. She says a lot of that comes from my controlling issue. When I stop the controlling, ill see the affection. Thats a hard thing to trust in.
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keko

I meant which brand, in some you can retrieve the actual texts without having the phone present.

keko

Also help her find a job related to her degree fast or at the least similar to your schedule.

Just to give you heads up another poster from Vegas who's wife was a ****tail waitress for some years turned out to have couple of guys on the side. So do your best in killing this 'affair' before it gets out of control.
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LOSTfan

Tmobile my touch slide 4g but she showed me all the messages and I compared the number with the records swabs she def didnt delete any
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*LittleDeer*

You have both done the wrong thing. You however set the expectations when you started sexting someone. Man up , set good relationship boundaries and get to marraige counseling. Also she needs to change jobs ASAP.
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LOSTfan

I'm not too worried about that. It's just that she works with this guy, and he's between places, so he lives in the hotel they work at. Hence my controlling nature about when she is at work, and wanting her to come home. If She isn't up to anything, then I see how controlling I must look and how annoying it must be always having a husband making you check in while you are at work
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Jellybeans

So now you're both even. You both cheated.

Joking (but not really).

You both need to stop involving 3rd parties in your marriage. It's not productive or healthy or conducive to a good marriage.

She should prob stop working there. You should stop sexting other women.