General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
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Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
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Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by lamaga
Okay, Galway, buck up because I am going to speak truth to you.
Nineteen days of texting and there was no physical contact. And you are willing to lose your wife and your family over this?
STOP THAT. You are being silly. Now, others will come onto here and talk to you about how to monitor her for the rest of time so that this never happens again, and that's fine, but the fact is?
NOTHING HAPPENED. Get over it. Go hug her and be glad that she is still with you. This is as big a deal as you choose to make it. Husbands are dealing every day with wives dying, wives literally in their beds with other men, wives deciding they are gay...each and every one of them would trade places with you in a heartbeat.
What a crock of sh!t!!! I usually respect your opinions though I don't agree sometimes but this is the, most idiotic advice you can give to a guy who was cheated upon.
And he should be glad that she is still with him? Just because other people have worse problems, he should just roll over and let it be? You are incredible.
OP, this advice is garbage. Emotional affairs can be as painful as having a physical affair. I would sugest that you head over to the "Coping with the infidelity " section of the website. And inform the guy's wife of what happened. That will reduce any chances of the affair resuming from his end.
What a crock of sh!t!!! I usually respect your opinions though I don't agree sometimes but this is the, most idiotic advice you can give to a guy who was cheated upon.
And he should be glad that she is still with him? Just because other people have worse problems, he should just roll over and let it be? You are incredible.
OP, this advice is garbage. Emotional affairs can be as painful as having a physical affair. I would sugest that you head over to the "Coping with the infidelity " section of the website. And inform the guy's wife of what happened. That will reduce any chances of the affair resuming from his end.
Yep,stop it now.EAs move with lightning speed,longer it goes on the harder it is to stop. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by CantSitStill
Yeah glad I saw this thread when I did, lets hope that one chick didn't scare him off Posted via Mobile Device
OK, while I disagree strongly with lamaga on this, I have to jump in here and defend her because if you look at her other posts on this site you'll discover that she's a very astute individual and doesn't buy into any of the cheaters BS.
lamaga, not sure what happened when you first posted here. Have some coffee and see ya later!
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toffer
OK, while I disagree strongly with lamaga on this, I have to jump in here and defend her because if you look at her other posts on this site you'll discover that she's a very astute individual and doesn't buy into any of the cheaters BS.
lamaga, not sure what happened when you first posted here. Have some coffee and see ya later!
I think she was having a bad day. Don't quote me on that. Everyone is entitled to bad days. But, I do agree that her advice, in this case was.... misguided, at the very least.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
lamaga, your advice is usually dead on, but I have now noticed, when it comes to EA (emotional affairs), you are usually off the mark. I am not sure if this is something you feel isn't bad, but an EA is worst than a physical affair in my book. I think a physical affair it's easy to turn off all emotion and shut down. If my wife was to have a physical affair, there would be no inner struggle. It would be.... I am gone. It would hurt, it would break my heart, but there would be no struggle. I know my next move.
An emotional affair is a different beast, because it may not be something you flat out leave her over. It may be something you resent and hold inside for years, maybe even revenge affairs with other women and no longer respecting your own vows. Selling your own self out and becoming a cheater or mean person, because you now have all these hateful emotions towards your spouse. An EA can lead into a long slow death of a marriage, while a PA could have ended it in a day. This is the problem with an EA. You never know where you stand, you never know if its a fantasy or something that was going to be real, you never know if she really loved him (she didn't sleep with him!), you never know if she really meant all those bad things she said, because she technically never left you, you never know how she felt about him, and you feel like a rebound forever. You feel like 2nd place, the guy she stayed with because she was already married, not the guy she WANTED anymore. She made the "smart" choice when she was caught and stuck with the safe option, but in her heart, if she was young and single, she wouldn't have chose you. You never know if his talk of sex was better than your actual sex.
This is the sh*t you deal with in an EA. This is only the TIP of the iceberg.
OP should expose OM, should make sure his wife establishes NO CONTACT, and get into MC to see what the problem was. Nothing made his wife cheat on him, but you can see what things were going wrong to lead her in the wrong direction. Hopefully his wife isn't just a cake eater and thinks her husband is "perfect". If that's the case, he will never be able to trust her again. If she will cheat on the perfect guy, who won't she cheat on.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galway
I am 40 and my wife is 33 we have a 7 and 4 ys old boys. We have been married for nine years and together for 13.
We work seperate schedules and there is nothing that can be done about it. Unfortunately, my wife was texting and talking on the phone with another married man. This went on for 19 days. They would text all time during the day and often in fron of me with me being oblivious. He was telling her she was beautiful and he started describing what he would do to her sexually. During the texting, she never met him or saw him anywhere. He kept trying, but it never happened. On the day that they were going to meet, I caught her and everything stopped. I confronted him and threatened to tell his wife.
My wife has appologized and admitted that she was confused and was unsure if she loved me when this was going on. It has been two months and I can not let it go. She has been affectionate to me and swears that she will never make another mistake. Any suggestions?
Tell his wife and show her the texts.
This will nearly guarantee the affair doesn`t start up again.
It`s going to take a lot longer than two months and it will never really leave you.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by Galway
I am 40 and my wife is 33 we have a 7 and 4 ys old boys. We have been married for nine years and together for 13.
We work seperate schedules and there is nothing that can be done about it. Unfortunately, my wife was texting and talking on the phone with another married man. This went on for 19 days. They would text all time during the day and often in fron of me with me being oblivious. He was telling her she was beautiful and he started describing what he would do to her sexually. During the texting, she never met him or saw him anywhere. He kept trying, but it never happened. On the day that they were going to meet, I caught her and everything stopped. I confronted him and threatened to tell his wife.
My wife has appologized and admitted that she was confused and was unsure if she loved me when this was going on. It has been two months and I can not let it go. She has been affectionate to me and swears that she will never make another mistake. Any suggestions?
You need to even the odds, my man. Flirt with a chick at work, prove to yourself that you still got it. Trust me, you'll feel better about this whole thing, balance needs to be restored.
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Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on 
