General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Quagmire
You need to even the odds, my man. Flirt with a chick at work, prove to yourself that you still got it. Trust me, you'll feel better about this whole thing, balance needs to be restored.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by iheartlife
It's even worse than that. They had planned to meet up the very day he caught her.
There's no innocent way to slice this. As I said before, 19 days and they go from zero to 60? Or else they knew each other before.
I think the speed of this speaks to intent as well. So I would just say that there is a clear unfaithful element with this.
This seems to have gone sexual very quickly. It does not sound like a typical EA where there are references to missing the other person or suggesting there is a deep friendship love. This seems more lustful from the start. It smacks of flat wanting to cheat.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Quagmire
You need to even the odds, my man. Flirt with a chick at work, prove to yourself that you still got it. Trust me, you'll feel better about this whole thing, balance needs to be restored.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Quagmire
You need to even the odds, my man. Flirt with a chick at work, prove to yourself that you still got it. Trust me, you'll feel better about this whole thing, balance needs to be restored.
This advice is about as useful as saying "Forget about it; go give your wife a hug, 'cause people have had it way worse than you and nothing happened."
Fortunately, nobody 'round these parts would say something so fatuous and belittling.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Quagmire
You need to even the odds, my man. Flirt with a chick at work, prove to yourself that you still got it. Trust me, you'll feel better about this whole thing, balance needs to be restored.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
God...He's getting some bad advice from a couple people.
I'm surpised at lamagma or whatever her screen name is,I've seen her post and her advice is usually pretty good.Must of had an off day..it happens. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Sorry it took me so long to post back. Calvin, thank you!
My wife and I are doing well. When I first posted the thread, I did not put everything down. When I was reading the responses, I realized that I left out some important information. The whole story is she met him wher she works. He came in with a patient and he requested her on Facebook, which she accepted. He would comment on her post in public, but sent her a private message with his phone number asking her to text him. SHE DID! At this time, we were going through some tough times. I was not helping with our sons and she was resenting me. I was not giving her any affection or compliments and we would go months without sex. I treated her like the mother of my children not my wife.
So, the night she text him, they started texting each other everyday. He would compliment her and ask to meet her. She would refuse, but kept texting him. THERE WAS NO SEXTING, just texting. Then he would tell her what he would do to her and he started calling her when Iwas at work. They would talk on the phone for an hour at a time. She told me that she did not love me on the 19th day of the two of them texting. He called her and she told him what she said to me. He told her that he was coming over my house when I was at work so he could comfort her. UGH! Anyway, I checked the phone record before he came to my house and called her from work. She admitted evrything to me. I called him and threatened him. Ever since then, I have left my house several times because of my hurt and anger and slept on friends couches. My wife has cried and sent me cards and is seeing a therapist. She has become more affectionate and loving than before. I secretly check her phone records and there is nothing to show that she is involved with anyone. It has been 3 months now, and I am still hurt and I still do not trust her. WHY?
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Tell the other mans wife. Do not leave her in the dark about this.. She has the right to know also. It probably is not the first time, he will find someone else to do it with.
Your wife would have gone through with it if you wouldn't have stopped her.. Texting someone is one thing, but when i becomes sexual it is an entirely different ball-game.
You need to set boundires with her, because this is not OK!
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Think VERY strongly before telling the other man's wife. A married "other man" is certainly better than a divorced other man, if you follow what I'm saying.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by Po12345
Think VERY strongly before telling the other man's wife. A married "other man" is certainly better than a divorced other man, if you follow what I'm saying.
No, I don't follow.
and Galway, I too am trying to work out from an EA that my fiance had. And what's galling to me is that he called her "his only friend in town."
When I thin about it, I see new aspects to all the information that I know about it. Lately, I realise how often she inquired to him about our sex life. the obvious question to ask is, do you agree that this is an acceptable activity between friends, especially opposite friends.
Thank goodness for this message board. I am here to let off steam.
I am definitely in the camp that EAs are equally damaging as PAs. One, as you noticed, they are quite often preludes to PAs.
But even if they are not, there is no point in being someone's spouse if they are prioritising someone else in their / your life.
And of course as we see with Lamaga, she seems to think that when a spouse spends most of the day in another world in cyberspace ignoring not only the spouse but also the children, there's obviously nothing wrong with that. You need to avoid those types.
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
My husband and I are reconciled after his long term emotional affair. You can do this, too, but you need to sort out whether or not this is something you can handle. Not eveyone can choose to trust again.
Here is what I did:
Found a therapist for ME
Read the books Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, His Needs / Her Needs, Love Busters, 5 Love Languages
Found an excellent marriage counselor, one trained in infidelity; I received a referral from local sex / porn addiction counselors. My H is neither but they are educated in compulsions (EAs are a good example) as well as infidelity for obvious reasons
Verifiy no contact. I would ask your wife to take her facebook page down, put a keylogger on the computer if you haven't already.
Find out if the OM has a criminal background, your wife doesn't know him from Adam
Tell his wife, nearly always men will dump the woman and return to their wives, plus she should know
Sit down with her family and have her tell them in front of you. Tell them you are working on your marriage and you need their love and support.
Stop leaving the house, if you divorce you don't want to lose out by being accused of abandonment.
Look up Almostrecovered's posts, his signature has recommendations for newbies, including how to tell if your spouse is remorseful.
Have your thread moved to Coping with Infidelity Posted via Mobile Device
Think VERY strongly before telling the other man's wife. A married "other man" is certainly better than a divorced other man, if you follow what I'm saying.
Sorry that's bad advice.
Exposing the EA to the OMW is one of the things that helps to stop the A not escalate it. She also has a right to know what her H has been up to. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on
Quote:
Originally Posted by daisygirl 41
Sorry that's bad advice.
Exposing the EA to the OMW is one of the things that helps to stop the A not escalate it. She also has a right to know what her H has been up to. Posted via Mobile Device
Is this true? I've thought about perhaps saying something to the OMW in my situation but my counselor advised against it.
135Likes
Re: Wife had an emotional affair and I can't move on 
