General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My day was kind of... (ruined is a stronger word than I want to use, but it will have to do) ruined by being informed that my employer is terminating my job today for "performance" reasons. I've been on this job as an engineer for 5 weeks.
So I dunno, it probably sounds worse than it is. Last time around, I had 12 interviews by the end of my second week of unemployment and at the start of the next week I was informed that I was getting a job offer... My company is based overseas, so the approval process for the offer letter was longer than usual, but when I got the offer it was good and I took it. The severance offer is also pretty good, I get 4 weeks pay and that's probably enough to get us through to the next job without any lifestyle cutbacks.
On that note, I still have active leads from my previous job search.. One job I had interviewed was even asking if I'd interview again while I was working in spite of them knowing i already took another job...
And the fact is, I took this job when I was the Old Me. I took it because the family needed me to. My other prospects were not job offers in my hand, but they were better fits where I'd be happier. The job I just lost was one I took as a job, but not one I'd enjoy... By reputation, I didn't think the company was the best - and while employed, I was happy with the compensation, but the impression I'd say was they were more disorganized than other companies for which I'd worked previously.
Anyway, I'm looking at this as a situation where the outcome will most likely be a better job, and overall I'm optimistic from a career standpoint.
The tougher part is facing my wife with the news. I knew she'd react badly, last time it was the point where her almost seperating from me was set in motion. So when she got home I broke the news, told her how I planned to handle it.
So, it could have been worse. She's not seperating, she was upset and isn't entirely over it but I think she will be. We had a date night planned and I had made it clear that we'd be having sex, we went to dinner and she wasn't going to have sex and we talked - she agreed it was because of the job loss, but hey she said she just needs a day to calm down.
The Old Me would've been a lot more passive as she attempted to take control of the situation, but I knew better - I had a plan, I stuck to it, I didn't het her derail it and I made it clear that I know what her concerns are and I my plan will see to it that I'm still taking care of her every need, and the best way to ensure that is for her to trust me and let me see this through.
The Old Me is the one that nearly got divorced. New Me had to miss out on an evening of sex to have an evening of reassuring my wife that this is a good opportunity not a disaster.
What can I say, it's a set back, but I'm okay with it. All I told my wife I need from her is for her to have faith in me, the hardest part about the last time around was having to deal with losing her, and if I can go through it this time with her by my side, great things are possible.
__________________
The thread linked below is about as close as I get to my story, it has my posts about the point where I turned my marriage around and on the day my wife was planning to move out, instead we started a new beginning. I've been keeping my updates in this thead as well: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...-sex-life.html
At least you are looking at the positive side of things. I get being stressed by the job loss, however, derailing the date night I do not get, but who am I to judge. For me, when my husband has had a major setback in life, I know I am his soft place to land, and making love can make him feel like his old self, confident and like a man, and make the rest of the world temporarily go away..... so I don't get that, but at least she still had the date night and you did talk. Good for you though for seeing the bright side, and at least you get severance pay, many places are cutting that when they do a lay off.... hit the ground running, when one door closes another one opens!
Damn, WillK, I'm sorry. The job prospects for engineers seem pretty good, so I'm sure you'll land on your feet!
Like Livy, I'm a bit appalled that your wife punished you by withholding sex, that's the exact opposite of what I would do, but hey, none of my business. You seem to have dealt with it calmly and maturely.
The near seperation was just a month ago, and a lot of the relationship turned around, but the sex has been something which still was being worked on. So from my perspective it's understandable that our sexual relationship was in a fragile state that could set back a little over something like this.
__________________
The thread linked below is about as close as I get to my story, it has my posts about the point where I turned my marriage around and on the day my wife was planning to move out, instead we started a new beginning. I've been keeping my updates in this thead as well: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...-sex-life.html
Well, if it'd end me up with my wife sleeping naked in bed that'd be a nice incentive.
Seriously though, at this point I know exactly what I want. I anticipate that will work in my favor both for the job search and the job once I get it.
It's an interesting chain of events... Thursday was our next MC appointment, but our 5 year old daughter got sent to the principal's office that day for inappropriate language, and my wife was so upset over it that she didn't go in to our session - she just stayed in the car. So in the session we ended up talking about my temperment as someone that is comfortable in a state of not being the person that initiates things.
The job I had was really pretty new, there were aspects I had limitted or no experience with from my previous 10 years of experience. I was responsible for an OEM I had never worked with. I was in an engineering role (validation at a tier 1 supplier) I had never had before. And the vehicle component was one where I did not have that specific prior experience. So with all this unfamiliar territory and a temperment that makes it unnatural for me to initiate, and at a company where I had a hard time finding anyone with the answers I needed... I think I might have been let go for political reasons (i.e. I had to be used as a scapegoat to mitigate risk to the business?)
It might sound like making excuses instead of taking responsibility... I could've done better, but it was a bad fit and I think I'd perform better in a job that was a better fit.
As far as my relationship... today was rough but ended good. I wasn't expecting anything to happen sexually and I made that clear yesterday, my expectation was that I'd have no expectation but if my wife wanted to do something after the kids went to bed on Father's day that's entirely up to her to initiate.. And I know her period is due and that's a time when nothing will happen..
The day started off with what I think is her testing me. I'd planned on our son's best friend coming over to play, and my wife was challenging that saying we shouldn't overdue it because it might mess up the friendship. I stuck to the plan, and it worked out well, the kids had a good time.
My wife tells me her period started and all I might get is an hj or bj, and then later she asks me what I want her to do and I say I want to do it all, should I shave? She says maybe... And in the end she had a vaginal orgasm.
It's as if this stuff works, I recognized her test and I guess I passed by standing my ground. My sincere hope is that I've gained some trust so I can go into this job search without the burden of having to worry about the marriage.
__________________
The thread linked below is about as close as I get to my story, it has my posts about the point where I turned my marriage around and on the day my wife was planning to move out, instead we started a new beginning. I've been keeping my updates in this thead as well: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...-sex-life.html
I wish you lots of luck finding a new job, I understand the stress that losing a job puts on a marriage, BTDT.
I hope you can quickly find the right job for you & it's the perfect fit.
Half the battle of searching for a job is getting one that you want, not one you need.
8Likes 
Well,there are worse days than mine... 
Re: Well,there are worse days than mine... 
