TRy

It is not wrong to refuse to enable her cheating. Also, cheaters will resent you for ending contact with the other man (OM) no matter what you do, so worrying about their resentment is irrelevant.

If calling it babysitting bugs you, call it something else, such as “not enable cheating”.

If you were the OP’s wife you would care to listen and not be a cheater and there would thus be no need to talk about babysitting in the first place. But you are not anything like his wife, so what works for you does not apply at all here.

The point is that she has already refused to listen and it is now time to escalate. If “not enable cheating” does not work, the only other option is to file for divorce as a way to wake her up and make a decision. The longer that he lets this go, the more likely that she will pick the other man (OM), so he needs to move forward right now with an actionable plan.

Cosmos

I agree. This is not the way for the OP to tackle the issue, and is more likely to create even more problems in the marriage.

Talking to her about his concerns is the only way to go, IMO, and if she isn't listening, I think the marriage is already in trouble. In which case, MC might be a good idea.

__________________

(Couple Skills : Matthew McKay PhD, Patrick Fanning, Kim Paleg PhD)

When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.

Tall Average Guy

I don't disagree with MC, but I fail to see why any spouse is required to support an activity with which they strongly disagree. He can't forbid her to do it - she is an independent human being that chooses her own actions.

That being said, she has no right for him to put his life on hold while she pursues activities with another man five days out of the week. He has made his feelings known, and she has decided they are not as important as her activities. For her to expect that he will decide to sit at home and support something he disagrees with is the definition of a doormat. The only problems created by him not doing this is irking her. Since I don't think her feelings more important than his, perhaps this always a frank discussion of that.

Entropy3000

Counseling begins today. At some point he will be hearing about some real resentmant towards him. he may get some cluse as to the root causes of her lack of respect for him or her entitlement. It may not be about him but for sure it is about the marriage. Most men will take the responsibility on themselves to fix things. Unfortunately that rarely works. It takes two.

She is very much focused on her pursuit of happiness and feels entitled to do what she feels like doing. Independent behavior. Not sure how many sessions it will take to begin to see this? In the mean time she is doing her thing.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

Cosmos

Well, I hope the counseling works for them. At the very least, she has little regard for his feelings and that's always a bad sign...

__________________

(Couple Skills : Matthew McKay PhD, Patrick Fanning, Kim Paleg PhD)

When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.

Entropy3000

Yes. Indeed. I hope it does as well. It is the chosen path.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

TRy

Well said.

Catherine602

OP please come back and give an update to all the people who are trying to help.

__________________
"Hey some guys need a book to find the G-spot. It was intuitive for me. Some take the road less travelled." Enthropy 3000