Sorry for the long story, trying my best to only give important details. This is my situation over the past 8-10 months. I just need outside advice/criticism/thoughts.
I started working with this woman years ago. I had immediate interest in her when I first met her up until I saw she was married. (I divorced prior to meeting her) I then completely backed away, and had zero intent to pursue her. Some months ago she started showing interest in me and we began talking outside of work. Shortly after we started talking we go out for drinks with mutual friends. She is (for lack of better words) all over me and at first I didn’t know what to do as she was married but as the night progressed I felt comfort in being up on her as well. (we have never had sex)
The following day she calls me and in discussion of the past night she explains “I am happily married and things will not progress past what happened last night. I had an amazing time though and we should do it again.”
If she is happily married why does she want/need my attention?
I think fine, we will just have this flirty friendship that could be kind of fun. Which was exactly what it was. Of course, over time I developed more interest and actually starting falling for her. All the while her husband is questioning the situation.
At this point I take her out to lunch and basically tell her; “Look, things are getting messy. I am falling for you and it is unhealthy for me to feel this way as we can’t be together. As well as your husband is starting to question what the hell is going on. I think we should stick to a working relationship“
Her reaction to this is complete bitterness. She was upset and mad at me. I figured this was a small price to pay to have my emotions back.
Why did this upset her so much? It seemed pretty obvious this was the right morale solution to our situation?
Of course nothing is ever that easy. We go a few months without talking outside of work duties and she seemingly out of the blue sends me an email which details her apology for being “cruel to me over the last couple months.” I never noticed her being “cruel,” just less chatty at work which was expected. Well I’m sure this was a well-executed plan that worked. We began to talk once again.
Here I am today, some time after we started talking again. I can’t get her off my mind and my feelings for her are stronger than ever. Hind sight is 20/20; I should have just backed away the minute she told me she was happily married.
No, I am not going to ask how to make her mine. Yes, I am positive I know what I need to do I just want to hear it from people that aren’t my friends. Any ideas on how to “let her down” without her getting so upset would be nice too.
I started working with this woman years ago. I had immediate interest in her when I first met her up until I saw she was married. (I divorced prior to meeting her) I then completely backed away, and had zero intent to pursue her. Some months ago she started showing interest in me and we began talking outside of work. Shortly after we started talking we go out for drinks with mutual friends. She is (for lack of better words) all over me and at first I didn’t know what to do as she was married but as the night progressed I felt comfort in being up on her as well. (we have never had sex)
The following day she calls me and in discussion of the past night she explains “I am happily married and things will not progress past what happened last night. I had an amazing time though and we should do it again.”
If she is happily married why does she want/need my attention?
I think fine, we will just have this flirty friendship that could be kind of fun. Which was exactly what it was. Of course, over time I developed more interest and actually starting falling for her. All the while her husband is questioning the situation.
At this point I take her out to lunch and basically tell her; “Look, things are getting messy. I am falling for you and it is unhealthy for me to feel this way as we can’t be together. As well as your husband is starting to question what the hell is going on. I think we should stick to a working relationship“
Her reaction to this is complete bitterness. She was upset and mad at me. I figured this was a small price to pay to have my emotions back.
Why did this upset her so much? It seemed pretty obvious this was the right morale solution to our situation?
Of course nothing is ever that easy. We go a few months without talking outside of work duties and she seemingly out of the blue sends me an email which details her apology for being “cruel to me over the last couple months.” I never noticed her being “cruel,” just less chatty at work which was expected. Well I’m sure this was a well-executed plan that worked. We began to talk once again.
Here I am today, some time after we started talking again. I can’t get her off my mind and my feelings for her are stronger than ever. Hind sight is 20/20; I should have just backed away the minute she told me she was happily married.
No, I am not going to ask how to make her mine. Yes, I am positive I know what I need to do I just want to hear it from people that aren’t my friends. Any ideas on how to “let her down” without her getting so upset would be nice too.