Hi folks, I first and foremost want to thank everyone who are about to read this, I am sorry it is so wordy.
A little background:
My wife and I met while I was in college, I realized I was going nowhere fast so I signed up to do "great things for my country". We married before I left for basic.
I am about to resign from the US Army after 4 years. My job was EOD (Bomb Squad). She wasn't comfortable with my career choice but excepted it because she understood I have a real skill, and it keeps me from being bored. However between deployments, training, travel, etc. I may have only been with her a little over 1 year of the whole thing. We have a 2 yr old together that I love dearly. So when she told me she didn't want me to re-enlist, I had no heartburn over it. I miss my kid and my spouse deserves to have me in her life.
Heres the underlying issue that creates my dilemma. My spouse is not extroverted at all. So while I was away she didn't meet any of the neighbors, or if she did it was because I introduced her. She just did not make friends. To make things worse, she legitimately made one on her own after 2 years. Unfortunately that person moved way suddenly 6 months later. Then I was sent to Afghanistan. I don't at all blame her for this, but she moved down and stayed with her mom for the year I was away and became best buds. This kind of goes into that emotional childhood she had, but becoming friends with her mom was like a big thing because they were estranged from each other for a long time. After I got back we "had" to visit her mom for Xmas, her mom has been here 3 times in the last 4 months. Mind you I don't mind any of this. I love seeing my wife happy.
But now that I am looking for employment, my spouse is damn near pleading that we move to Florida to be near her mom. I wouldn't mind that, but all of the job opportunities I have are nowhere near florida. I haven't promised anything because I hate providing false hope. And I really am bending over backwards to find something I am qualified to do. But at what point will my placating her stop being beneficial for the family? She says she understands if we can't mover near her mom. And she assures me that she is appreciative of all that I have done so far. But I feel that somehow if I were to take a position somewhere else where our family would be financially taken care of, and that i enjoyed, my marriage would go south very slowly and bitterly. We have only very recently started working things out from issues we have had before. Mainly her abandonment/ daddy issues, and my PTSD/mood swings and not understanding why she cried. But thats all becoming better.
I truly don't know what to do...
It seems like if I take the opportunities available I will be happy because i don't hate what I do and I will keep taking care of my family but my spouse wont be happy.
or
I Move to Florida and get stuck doing something I hate that more than likely will not pay well (which will stress me out because I might not be providing for my family the way I once was) but my spouse will be happy finally after many years.
A little background:
My wife and I met while I was in college, I realized I was going nowhere fast so I signed up to do "great things for my country". We married before I left for basic.
I am about to resign from the US Army after 4 years. My job was EOD (Bomb Squad). She wasn't comfortable with my career choice but excepted it because she understood I have a real skill, and it keeps me from being bored. However between deployments, training, travel, etc. I may have only been with her a little over 1 year of the whole thing. We have a 2 yr old together that I love dearly. So when she told me she didn't want me to re-enlist, I had no heartburn over it. I miss my kid and my spouse deserves to have me in her life.
Heres the underlying issue that creates my dilemma. My spouse is not extroverted at all. So while I was away she didn't meet any of the neighbors, or if she did it was because I introduced her. She just did not make friends. To make things worse, she legitimately made one on her own after 2 years. Unfortunately that person moved way suddenly 6 months later. Then I was sent to Afghanistan. I don't at all blame her for this, but she moved down and stayed with her mom for the year I was away and became best buds. This kind of goes into that emotional childhood she had, but becoming friends with her mom was like a big thing because they were estranged from each other for a long time. After I got back we "had" to visit her mom for Xmas, her mom has been here 3 times in the last 4 months. Mind you I don't mind any of this. I love seeing my wife happy.
But now that I am looking for employment, my spouse is damn near pleading that we move to Florida to be near her mom. I wouldn't mind that, but all of the job opportunities I have are nowhere near florida. I haven't promised anything because I hate providing false hope. And I really am bending over backwards to find something I am qualified to do. But at what point will my placating her stop being beneficial for the family? She says she understands if we can't mover near her mom. And she assures me that she is appreciative of all that I have done so far. But I feel that somehow if I were to take a position somewhere else where our family would be financially taken care of, and that i enjoyed, my marriage would go south very slowly and bitterly. We have only very recently started working things out from issues we have had before. Mainly her abandonment/ daddy issues, and my PTSD/mood swings and not understanding why she cried. But thats all becoming better.
I truly don't know what to do...
It seems like if I take the opportunities available I will be happy because i don't hate what I do and I will keep taking care of my family but my spouse wont be happy.
or
I Move to Florida and get stuck doing something I hate that more than likely will not pay well (which will stress me out because I might not be providing for my family the way I once was) but my spouse will be happy finally after many years.