What if your spouse forgot your bday? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 05:03 PM Thread Starter
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What if your spouse forgot your bday?

I just responded to a thread in the men's lounge that got me interested in asking this question. What if your spouse of several years just forgot your birthday? How would you feel and how would you react?

My story. I woke up one day and it was my birthday. My birthday unfortunately falls one day before a holiday. I am kinda used to ppl not realizing until later in the day that it is my bday. To this day I have few ppl from my family that will even call to say happy bday including mom (she is not even sure how old I am). Anyway all day long I kept asking my W what was she going to do today, trying to give her little hints that it was my bday so she could wish me a happy one. Nope nothing. I asked her several times what was she gonna do and each time she gave me the same answer. I had to work that night and I went off to work. After midnight when it was officially no longer my bday I called her and asked her if she forgot anything and she said no. I reminded her that yesterday was my bday and she forgot. She tried to deny it and tried to justify forgetting with one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard. She then said she was sorry and cried. The only person I really wanted to recognize it was my bday forgot so that year no one remembered it was my bday. I have to admit I was kinda disappointed but I put it behind me and forgave her. Since then I think she has almost forgotten again as she has once not wished me a happy bday until she had been awake for a few hours. Bdays are over rated anyways.

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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 05:07 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

At 46, that would be a good thing, if W forgot, I still would have my way with my wife in the dungoen...I mean bedroom

After all its my bday!
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 05:13 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

Husband forgot my birthday the first year we were married. To be fair, we had celebrated it 2 days before on my mother's birthday. I reminded him at 9:00pm that it was my birthday. 23 years later, he has never forgotten again.
Caveman, if your wife is prone to fogetting your birthday, leave her a BIG note on the fridge or buy yourself a present & cake & act out giving them to yourself. (yeah I know, childish, but effective)
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 05:26 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

Personally,I tend to remember people's birthdays more when they fall on or near an established holiday,but I can understand getting caught up in the holiday and forgetting.

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 05:55 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

The passive-aggresive way you went about it should give you pause.

While it may not fix the issue of her forgetting, being direct about it would have lessened your frustration.

Next year, roll over first thing in the morning and say "Hey, it's my birthday! Want to start my list of presents now?"

The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 06:17 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

I fail to see after 30+ years of sitcoms watching bumbling husbands trying to placate their wives how any man could ever forget a wife's b-day or anniversary
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 06:56 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

Happens more often than not to me. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. My H used to work at the same place as I did. My coworkers threw me a party and brought me flowers, etc. H walked in and started helping himself to food etc. and said to one of my coworkers, "Wow, who's the party for . . . someone's birthday?." They were literally stunned into silence and looked at me. All I could say was "Mine, thank you." This has happened several times . . . This is a big bone of contention of mine. I never forget his birthday or our anniversary, but in recent years, I generally wait until later in the evening to mention the anniversary - usually after I have made him a big dinner. It shouldn't be that hard to remember. It is the same date (different month) as his first marriage. . . Just another of his PA tendencies. I forgot to mention that my D-I-L gives us a calendar every year will everyone's birthday on it - which he checks often since he tracks other stuff on it. Oh well . . .
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 07:04 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

About 6 years ago this happened to me I was so hurt. I did not talk to him for a few days.

Live Laugh Love
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 07:07 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

My husband remembers dates well. He's forgotten to pick up a card but never forgotten to actually wish me happy birthday on the day. Same with anniversary's.

Had he forgotten I'd probably feel disappointed but concerned too that something really must have been going on in his head for him to forget.

My birthday is around mid year. My husbands and fathers birthday however falls just after Christmas. I have not forgotten on the day yet, but they do catch me by surprise quite often.

Is it fair to say that because she forgot you feel it's a sign that she doesn't care or love you?

Sometimes things happen and people do genuinely just forget. There may be nothing sinister in it and it is not always a sign that they just don't care. You mentioned that it is a common thing due to the time of year.

In future, maybe you could set a reminder in her calendar or mention it in some way the week or day before.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 07:10 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

If he straight up forgot I would honestly chalk it up to life, days of the week, the number of the calendar things get in the way.... but I don't think I would ever have to worry about that. My dh remembers dates before I do.... one year though, we both forgot it was our anniversary until late in the day.... it was kind of funny, but we had already made plans for that weekend, it was the middle of the week when the actual date was.... but we haven't forgotten since! lol

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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 06-17-2012, 09:21 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

Maybe she's lousy at remembering birthdays but really good at a lot of other things?
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 09-09-2012, 06:33 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

happened all the time with my stbxw..She would forget everthing about me at a momments notice...Shows how much she thought of me eh?
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 09-09-2012, 07:31 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

My wife has no excuse as my bday is on Christmas
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 09-09-2012, 07:34 PM
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My husband takes my birthday off of work if it lands on a weekday. He's never forgotten. His birthday is Christmas, so it's not easily forgotten.

We have both forgotten our Anniversary.lol. It slipped right by us a few times.

We don't gift each other unless we need something. This year my hubby gets a new hunting stand he's buying himself. I bought myself an incubator to hatch chickens. Normally we don't do gifts, but we do special dinners.
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 09-09-2012, 09:17 PM
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Re: What if your spouse forgot your bday?

He's never forgotten...if he did, I'd be curious as to why, rather than it being about my birthday. But I do tend to dance around a bit and act goofy about my birthday and milk it for what it's worth. So no doubt IF that happened, I'd probably be saying in a playful tone "Where's my birthday cup of tea?" or "Don't I get a birthday kiss?" etc..... I wouldn't wait until the next day and sit through it all sad-like wondering why he didn't remember.

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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