General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
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"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Re: 4 years and he has no intentions of marrying me!!
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Originally Posted by Gaia
Nothing is ever "that simple" when it comes to being in love. Not imo anyway.
is there really such a thing? or is it something people psych them selves up about. misguided emotions. i dont think it is a real emotion...or what ever you want to label it as.
Re: 4 years and he has no intentions of marrying me!!
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Originally Posted by 2nd_t!me iz_best
is there really such a thing? or is it something people psych them selves up about. misguided emotions. i dont think it is a real emotion...or what ever you want to label it as.
Now now 2nd... it is what it is... no amount of picking apart and analyzing will change that. You my friend.. need to cheer up!
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Re: 4 years and he has no intentions of marrying me!!
You can only control and change yourself.
He doesn't want to marry, she does. She has choices. It is THAT simple. Maybe the choices aren't simple, but they are hers and she is in the driver's seat with this.
Re: 4 years and he has no intentions of marrying me!!
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Originally Posted by SouthernBelle82
Bradt that is not my intention at all for wanting a marriage. As I stated in my post, I suffer from kidney disease and my life expectancy is 45 years. I am 30 now. That means if all else fails, I could be dead in 15 years. May sound like a long time, but when you really think about how short of a time frame it is compared to your whole life, it puts things in perspective. I want to experience marriage, all of it. And another thing is the way I was raised. I was raised by my grandmother and mother that if you were to be in a serious living situation with your SO that you should definitely be on the marriage track because it is what is considered "ladylike" and decent, and any man who is serious about his commitment to you wouldn't hesitate to participate in a legal marriage. I really want the legal right to call him my husband.
I understand how you feel. Marriage is something you value. However you must be aware that the risk is that you throw away day-to-day happiness with the man you love (which will be *essentially the same* before and after marriage) simply due to the social conditioning which inculcated this value. Very often people forsake enjoying the journey because they are so fixated on the destination. People can often have this picture perfect ideal plan of how they want their lives to be and get too easily discontent when life doesn't always work that way. I believe this non-acceptance, not loving WHAT IS (ref: Byron Katie), i.e. being dissatisfied by wanting MORE, is a leading cause of unhappiness. According to her and speakers like her, Wayne Dyer, Joe Vitale etc. everything is in a state of perfection, period. They say it is best for us to find acceptance and gratitude within ourselves for the abundance all around us. I like Byron Katie's quote: "When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time."
Example, I recently dated a girl who wanted commitment from me before I was ready (not marriage, just exclusive couple). Similar kind of thing to you, just a notch or two down lol. The disparity from that whole issue led to our breakup. She felt rejected. I felt like wtf, I'm not seeing anyone else, why can't we just enjoy each other's company and live our lives, see what happens? The irony is that given a little longer I probably would have asked her to have become an exclusive couple. Her impatience and pressing for it immediately (or my unwillingness to concede that) blew the whole thing. She didn't feel that I valued her, when I did. I didn't feel that she valued me, when I wasn't sufficient for her outside of her "plan".
Trying to force a marriage is rarely a good idea. However there is probably quite a good chance that you could succeed and compel this man to marry you. Do you think your relationship quality will increase or decrease as a result? The other possibility is that he will have a change of heart and realize he wants to give you this (perhaps even sooner rather than later) if you could make it much less of a pressing issue for you. Wouldn't that be a more amazing outcome for you? A man needs to lead. Don't try to control him. Marriage has to be his decision. If you persuade him to marry you, you dis-empower him and you will lose some attraction for him.
Re: 4 years and he has no intentions of marrying me!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl
You can only control and change yourself.
He doesn't want to marry, she does. She has choices. It is THAT simple. Maybe the choices aren't simple, but they are hers and she is in the driver's seat with this.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Re: 4 years and he has no intentions of marrying me!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernBelle82
Bradt that is not my intention at all for wanting a marriage. As I stated in my post, I suffer from kidney disease and my life expectancy is 45 years. I am 30 now. That means if all else fails, I could be dead in 15 years. May sound like a long time, but when you really think about how short of a time frame it is compared to your whole life, it puts things in perspective. I want to experience marriage, all of it. And another thing is the way I was raised. I was raised by my grandmother and mother that if you were to be in a serious living situation with your SO that you should definitely be on the marriage track because it is what is considered "ladylike" and decent, and any man who is serious about his commitment to you wouldn't hesitate to participate in a legal marriage. I really want the legal right to call him my husband.
Do some research on your kidney disease. There are supplements, life style changes, diets, etc that can help prolong your kidneys.
Look for a good naturopath who specializes in the renal area, have a broad general practice, and does not overcharge.
Also, kidney transplant is a possibility in the future.
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Re: 4 years and he has no intentions of marrying me!! 
