that_girl

Then let her throw a tantrum and just do what you want to do.

Don't ask how/what/when something should be done, just do it. When she starts to throw a fit, just walk away. Train her in how to treat you. Don't say ANYTHING back to her as she starts to push your buttons and just do what you do.

OR, when she says it's her way or no way, then back off and leave it there. Let her throw a fit and just walk away. Don't engage.

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that_girl

You can't change or control HER. You CAN change and control yourself. You can also teach her how to treat you, and let her know what you will and won't tolerate.

I used to be somewhat like your wife. Hubs put his foot down and left...then when we were hanging out (while he had moved out) if i tried anything, he'd just smile and do it his way and i learned to truly trust him and just let him do what he does. I had total control issues about my life because I was never in control of my life. I had abandonment issues and other issues that made trusting people difficult. After a year of therapy, I am healed and have learned techniques to deal with myself.

I tell ya, it's a hell of a lot easier to live when you feel you don't have to control everything.

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Cee Paul

That's easier said than done when I myself have a very bad temper and tend to react angrily to behavior like that, and it's not just a simple little switch that can be turned on and off easily.

that_girl

It is not just HER life or HER home. It's both of yours. You are not her child or her servant so stop acting like one. You are the man of that house. She is the woman of that house. You both have responsibilities and duties. In my house, we have things we're responsible for. As long as they get done, we don't give a crap how/when it's done.

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that_girl

No no. You are in control of yourself. YOU can decide to NOT engage. It is simple. You just decide. Focus on the goal in which you want in your life (a more peaceful, respectful home and relationship) and let that be what bites your tongue.

After a while of this 180, it will be the norm. Promise.

She knows your buttons to push. It's a stupid game. YOU know she's trying to push the buttons. You KNOW it's her way of getting her way. So dude, man up and control yourself.

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Cee Paul

You'd have to actually be there to understand the situation, and when you do bust your azz to make things work and feel like it's not being appreciated you get to a point where you just don't give a f*ck anymore.

that_girl

Then stop busting your ass.

Go do what you want to do. Let her be in control of those other things and you go do what you want to do.

I understand your frustration, believe me. I understand Hubs' frustration from that time too...it drove him to leave me and I don't blame him for it. It saved our marriage.

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Cee Paul

Anger issues are just like any other problem out there that just doesn't go away by simply sprinkling happy dust on it and - *poof* all better now.

that_girl

Well, then fix the anger problems.

It seems like you have these marital issues but you won't take ownership for your problems, you just want to blame her.

There are anger management classes and all sorts of therapy you can get into to help you express your anger in better ways than fueling this fire.

Change yourself to change your relationship. It does suck...I went through HELL in the therapy session by draggin up old shet. but it had to be done to heal my marriage.

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Cee Paul

Believe me I am at fault with plenty of things and therapy will be one of the next steps on my list.......soon.

that_girl

Best thing I ever did was therapy. I put it off for 20 years.

What a waste to carry my burdens of my childhood for so long. It almost cost me my marriage.

I hope you seek it sooner than later. Stop keeping score and start healing.

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