Cee Paul

So everyone has arguements and some are nastier than others, but what are some things that your partner may have said that were soooo incredibly insulting that you will NOT forgive them?

I am a person who bites his tongue for just so long during an arguement, but then when I reach my boiling point there are a ton of disgusting and insulting things that come flying out!

trey69

I guess it depends on the situation and whats going on with the person who said it.

For example, my first wife who was a bad drug addict, would spout off hurtful things to me sometimes, of course most of the time she was under the influence of a drug or alcohol when she said those things. Sometimes I took it personally, sometimes I didn't. Either way, she is now my EX for many reasons. My current wife has never said anything hurtful to me that I can think of, nor I her. As far as not being able to forgive, if that were the case, I would probably need to just divorce if it was that bad.

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"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

The thing that ended my marriage for sure.
He suggested divorce, again, as a solution for me opening up a discussion about some concerns I had, this was well after he was exposed for lying about OW and had asked for another chance (I was living in my own apartment, he was staying here...)
The suggestion of divorce was accepted by me, because I realized that I could not move back to his house uprooting my children once again, and then have him control every discussion about our relationship by 'suggesting' divorce.
But that wasn't so unforgivable, just created a situation where I realized that he could not have a discussion, without using threats of various sorts.
What really ended it was when I agreed with him that divorce was a good idea. (I'd been planning to divorce him when he asked for another chance, not sure why my agreement came as a big surprise to him...)
He called me a b*tch, got mad at me for using HIS money to consult an attorney ($145, wow! He made 20K at least on deployment tax-free just from being married to me while he was cheating and lying...and it was in a joint account...) then he said to go back to my brother then. My brother raped me when I was an adolescent and I have not had any contact at all with my family since 1995 except to tell them that the letter requesting no contact sent by my attorney is old yet still enforceable as to restraining orders. He also was threatening suicide by car, and saying that he felt abused and telling me all sorts of things like he was forgetting stuff, etc. It seemed to me, and I'm usually right about these things, that he was reading up on signs and symptoms of abuse and going right through the checklist, trying to turn the tables and make it seem as though I was abusive to him. So I said to him, I don't want you to feel abused, you have your own house and as you suggest divorce, I think it is a good idea, since I am out of options as to how to make this work and unwilling to move back to your place if you are going to always suggest divorce as a solution to every issue that needs to be discussed after your cheating, lying, manipulation and oh, spousal rape. Yep, even after all that I gave him a second chance. And he thought it would be okay to suggest divorce, and when I accepted turned quite vicious. It made me glad I was in my own apartment. I said to him, I am taking the dog for a walk, when I get back you need to be gone with all of your things.

Go back to your brother then! It shed light on the entire relationship. He thought that because I was abused by my brothers and family, that he could continue to abuse me and that I would accept it. What an idiot. He really exposed himself with that one.

Pathetically, he tried to get me to go back, calling me a few days later to wish me a happy anniversary and emailing me that he loved me etc. Clearly he had no clue how FINAL "Go back to your brother then." was. In one short sentence he exposed his truly vicious nature and the underlying energy and thought process behind everything he did in the marriage to manipulate situations, my emotions, the things I prided myself on like loyalty and forgiveness, my desire to have a 'real' family.

While it was vicious it was also a gift. When he realized his threat of divorce wasn't working (and I saw his eyes sizing me up as he suggested a divorce) I swear I could even see the devil in him. His whole face contorted when I accepted and agreed with his solution, and then those words came out of his mouth. Wooo-weeee. EX-Posed

bubbly girl

Not being able to forgive and move past it will slowly kill your marriage.

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I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in.

CallaLily

I'm sure you are aware those insults solve nothing and are not productive in helping a relationship move forward and be healthy.

If you absolutely feel you can not help it, anger management might be good to look into, or some kind of counselor who can help you learn better communication skills than name calling.

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This is me

The person who suffers the most from not forgiving is the one who can't forgive. Holding it in creates resentment and internal pain.

Forgiving is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBDmUqp0JTU&noredirect=1

Don't Give Up! Patience.

http://nashlinks.com/midlife.htm

NextTimeAround

One verbal grenade I can think of
"I could do better."

Famous last words of a 6 month relationship that turned into a stalking situation for me when I went into NC. I was trying to let him down easliy by trying to be "just friends." that was before I understand going halfway gets you nowhere.

Mrs. T

During one of his drunken tirades my ex said to me at the conclusion of some stupid argument we were having..."My life would be so much better if you were dead". Those words were the beginning of the end for me even though it took another five years for me to get free.

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The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

thunderstruck

A few things stick out in my memory, but I'm at the point where I don't give a eff about stuff like that. During a heated argument, my W will spew the most hateful/personal thing she can think of. That's usually my signal to walk out of the room...the conversation is waaaay past done at that point.

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Instant karma's gonna get you. -Lennon

vi_bride04

"Its YOUR fault I cheated on you"

After 5years of R. Guess it was a fake R since he still felt entitled to blame me for sleeping with a 40yr old wh0re. (I was 27 at the time)

rankinsmedic

Here are some that I never could live down from my first wife...
1.) I can't wait to get a job so I can leave your butt!
2.) When I told her that I had contacted a counselor about my depression and suicidal thoughts, she said "that's so stupid. You're not depressed. You obviously need to go to church more. It's so stupid that you're so sad."

From my ex-fiancee...

1.) When asking why we aren't intimate or why we don't go out and enjoy each other: "You're throwing a f**king pity party!"

occasionallybaffled

If I couldn't forgive then it would mean I no longer trusted/respected them. Resentment would build on my end (and probably theirs as well). There could be no future.

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The world is full of too many people... for two people to remain together... if one/both are truly unhappy and unwilling to change.

rankinsmedic

When she said to me, "If I wanted to cheat on you, I could." That was last week. That's still kinda bothering me. One time when we were on a "break" she fooled around with my best friend. They didn't have sex, but just him kissing her upset me.

Coffee Amore

I would forgive for nearly any comment because forgiveness is more about me than him. Forgiveness is so I can move on. It doesn't mean I think the comment is acceptable. I would forgive but I wouldn't forget. So there are comments that I couldn't put behind me no matter what. Those comments would be complete dealbreakers which would end the marriage. One example would be "I've had an affair."

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

It's easy to forgive. His words were a gift to me. After he said them I quit waffling and filed for divorce.