General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Rant regarding Facebook and hubby's family... /ON!
Apparently hubby's family feels that I should only generate positive, happy Facebook statuses. Well life doesn't work like that. I'm used to just putting whatever in the heck I feel like up there, and oftentimes my statuses turn into very long discussions about the topic. My FB is generally for friends only, and I don't write anything that I wouldn't talk about it to any one person on there anyways, including my relationship troubles, if they're bothering me. I'm also not saying anything in a way that could be considered "slander" or "libel".
Now they see it as me painting myself the victim. I could care less what they, or anyone else thinks. Actually, I AM a victim - of my own stupid bullheadedness/unrealistic optimism regarding hubby. I do get frustrated with myself and my situation. And perhaps... As immature as it seems, maybe I do want to out him sometimes for being the enormous jerk he is. I never, ever state names - but more or less phrase things in a manner that I could be talking about any two people who are married, or commenting on a news story.
Example from last year:
"What kind of man takes off on his pregnant wife while she's in the store?"
- NOT -
"My stupid husband left me at the Walgreens and went home!"
(This really did happen. I went inside a Walgreens to fill a prescription, and when I came outside - this is at night, nowhere near home, mind you - my husband was GONE. He'd actually driven home because he "thought" he saw me leave. And we both had cell phones... He hadn't even bothered to call me? I was 5 months pregnant at the time)!!
So, on one hand, I am airing my dirty laundry, so to speak, and on the other, I don't feel like I should censor myself and my page for anyone else's comfort. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it! They're a bunch of righteous "rug-sweepers" anyways. My husband never does anything wrong in their eyes - that really bugs me. When I'm out of line, my family is quick to let me know... Not tell me it's okay that I did 'this or that'... All because [insert excuses here].
They honestly think my husband is a victim of ME. That he's just some poor lost soul being manipulated and controlled by a selfish, crazy woman.
The last time I was called "manipulative" I was quick to point out that in order to be manipulative, I have to have a certain stake in the outcome. And I don't. I just don't care.
I'm quick to balance positives and negatives - interestingly enough, they have nothing to say when I offer praise and thanks to my husband for the good times we have. Seriously - not even a "like".
Give it to me straight - should I just shut my trap, or is it okay to talk about situations in a way that is non-specific, such as in the example above?
Or maybe... Just delete the two people who have problems with it?
Done ranting! Thanks for reading! Posted via Mobile Device
My sincere advice is to create a special group and put your husband's family in it. Allow them to only see the generic, rug sweeping, positive comments. They won't even see the rants and you won't have to listen to them complain about it. And you continue to get the support that you need. Win/win.
You could tell them to eff off. Wait, that's what I would do. Seriously Yin, you are such a sweet, young woman.....why do you put up with any of this crap? I sooooo wish you lived near me.
Obviously, they have already made up their minds about who you are, so no matter what you do or type, you will always be whatever negative image that they already have about you.
Your facebook page, your status, block them or ignore them altogether.
That's a really good idea... A few questions though... Will they know they aren't seeing all of my statuses, and will they know they're in a "group"? I'm not even sure I can figure out how to do it. :/
In a normal circumstance I would just delete them, but since they are in another state, I'm sure they do enjoy seeing photos of our baby. (They haven't visited yet, but I'm looking forward to it)!!! Posted via Mobile Device
Oh pidge - we've had some rough moments in the past... My sister and his grandmother (mouthy old woman... I actually like that about her!) Getting into it. I've told his family in not so many words where they can stick it. They way I see it, I'm not leaving this huge banner on THEIR page, so why come to mine and tell me what to do with it?
I wish I lived closer to you, too, Pidgey I could use a friend any day of the week! Posted via Mobile Device
That's a really good idea... A few questions though... Will they know they aren't seeing all of my statuses, and will they know they're in a "group"? I'm not even sure I can figure out how to do it. :/
They won't know a thing unless someone tells them. This way they can see baby pictures and only statuses you wish for them to see. Only the friends you chose get to see everything.
I loathe FB so I'm not on it but I know it can be done. I've heard too many people talk about it. You could create a family group and put them in it. Then when you share news you pick which groups get to read it. All, family, friends only, etc. I think it's easy.
They might notice you're not posting as much as usual and you just tell them you've been "busy". LOL
Oh I'll be busy alright... Trying to figure out how to do this group thing! LoL! Thanks for the suggestion... I think it's the ideal resolution. Thanks again for the idea! Posted via Mobile Device
I agree with them. You can't control anyone else's beahvior, but you can control yours. And airing this kind of stuff for the public to see is classless and disrespectful. Talk to him about it, not the world. Or talk to your best friends about it if you need to vent. Why do you feel the need to post it anywhere? What's wrong with the telephone if you need to tell friends about it? Posting it for all your friends and family and his friends and family to see is not helpful and just really shows a total lack of respect for him. If you really feel that way about him, just leave already.
Note, I'm not defending anything he's done, just think your way of handling it is very wrong.
I agree with them. You can't control anyone else's beahvior, but you can control yours. And airing this kind of stuff for the public to see is classless and disrespectful. Talk to him about it, not the world. Or talk to your best friends about it if you need to vent. Why do you feel the need to post it anywhere? What's wrong with the telephone if you need to tell friends about it? Posting it for all your friends and family and his friends and family to see is not helpful and just really shows a total lack of respect for him. If you really feel that way about him, just leave already.
Note, I'm not defending anything he's done, just think your way of handling it is very wrong.
Now they see it as me painting myself the victim. I could care less what they, or anyone else thinks. Actually, I AM a victim - of my own stupid bullheadedness/unrealistic optimism regarding hubby. I do get frustrated with myself and my situation. And perhaps... As immature as it seems, maybe I do want to out him sometimes for being the enormous jerk he is. I never, ever state names - but more or less phrase things in a manner that I could be talking about any two people who are married, or commenting on a news story.
Example from last year:
"What kind of man takes off on his pregnant wife while she's in the store?"
- NOT -
"My stupid husband left me at the Walgreens and went home!"
(This really did happen. I went inside a Walgreens to fill a prescription, and when I came outside - this is at night, nowhere near home, mind you - my husband was GONE. He'd actually driven home because he "thought" he saw me leave. And we both had cell phones... He hadn't even bothered to call me? I was 5 months pregnant at the time)!!
So, on one hand, I am airing my dirty laundry, so to speak, and on the other, I don't feel like I should censor myself and my page for anyone else's comfort. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it! They're a bunch of righteous "rug-sweepers" anyways. My husband never does anything wrong in their eyes - that really bugs me. When I'm out of line, my family is quick to let me know... Not tell me it's okay that I did 'this or that'... All because [insert excuses here].Posted via Mobile Device
I won't disagree with your need to vent. You deserve it. I think there is some decent advice you have already gotten.
I will say that you need to own your own behavior. When you post husband/wife interaction comments, people will assume it is about you unless you include a link to a story about the behavior by others. This comes across as a bit passive-aggressive - you get to vent, then hide by saying that it was not necessarily about you and your husband. You need to avoid that unhealthy behavior.
Drover - thanks for your opinion, that's pretty much how they feel. Like I said, I could understand it if I named names, yes that would be trashy - but it is my opinion that posing these scenario-type statuses in a non-specific manner is not. Many times I've posted about something completely unrelated to my personal life and they've taken offense to it, because they never even bothered to ask me what I was referring to... And instead of ASKING me, they flame me without ever knowing that I was indeed talking about a local story! It's okay though, because I don't feel the need to censor their opinions. Posted via Mobile Device
I admit, I'm adopting passive-aggressive behaviors. I'd much rather be direct because that is who I truly am. I guess I was raised in a shameless family where nothing is off limits... Posted via Mobile Device
I admit, I'm adopting passive-aggressive behaviors. I'd much rather be direct because that is who I truly am. I guess I was raised in a shameless family where nothing is off limits... Posted via Mobile Device
Direct won't work with your husband. If it did you wouldn't be on TAM.
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FB Boundaries - I Need 'Em? 
