General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
When I try and set up a romantic scene I usually get shot down by his so called sense of humor. I call it sarcasm.
He is back from being away for a week to his sons wedding.
Things have been good.
Yesterday I said "I wonder if we would of met in our 20's if we would still be married. I am sure we would". Of course this is just a silly thought on my party. Of course if we would of met way back when we would not have the kids we have today.
Of course I wanted him to say oh hon of course we would still be married. Instead he said No we would not be married, you are so hard to live with. He had a smile on his face, I knew he was kidding but I still got the stupid tears in my eyes. I feel like sometimes I am shot down and never get the little romantic experiences with him that I want.
Then he lets it go on and on until I just don't want to be near him anymore.
I have a sense of humor and kid like the next person but sometimes he just takes it too far.
Sometimes people are dense and need to be told in a method they understand that their words are causing pain. Have you explained to him how you feel?
If you have, I'd just walk away when he does it. Don't take it and take it until you don't want to be near him any more. Just walk away. He'll get the hint.
Sometimes people are dense and need to be told in a method they understand that their words are causing pain. Have you explained to him how you feel?
If you have, I'd just walk away when he does it. Don't take it and take it until you don't want to be near him any more. Just walk away. He'll get the hint.
Instead he said No we would not be married, you are so hard to live with. He had a smile on his face, I knew he was kidding but I still got the stupid tears in my eyes. I feel like sometimes I am shot down and never get the little romantic experiences with him that I want.
I would feel "hurt" by that response too and likely go punch him and say ..."why do you talk to me like this"...even with the tears in your eyes , call him on it --let him know it HURTS YOU... so he will change his behavior.
Or like Acorn said...if you have already done this, explained it to him and HE does KNOW how you feel... like he suggested.... walk away, get away from him, silence and being left ought to speak pretty nicely, realizing his humor is so bad, his audiance left the building! Some do have thick skulls I guess.
I'm a sarcastic guy (those who know me here will attest to this)
but I am cognizant (well most of the time) of when it is appropriate to make such comments
if he is using caustic jokes all the time in vulnerable situations then is most certainly trying to deflect and prevent his true emotions from being revealed
I too have a "romantically challenged" husband and it drives me crazy. He doesn't share his feelings much, however, if his feelings are negative or involve teasing me, he can't keep his yapper shut.
We are married to grown men, unfortunately, they seem stuck in elementary school where if they liked a girl, they would pull their hair or drop a frog in our backpack. Oh, and I think they still believe we have cooties.
The best and most effective thing to do when someone does that is say "Ouch!" and turn on your heels and walk away. But make sure you say 'ouch.' Nothing conveys 'you're a rude SOB' like that word.
I think it has a lot to do with whether you think he's telling you his "real" opinion or not. I wouldn't be bothered by that comment coming from my husband because he tells me the opposite all the time - that I'm easy to get along with.
If he often complained about me being hard to get along with and made that comment, I'd be crushed. I'd recognize that he was not "joking" at all, but instead, wanted to hurt me.
I think it has a lot to do with whether you think he's telling you his "real" opinion or not. I wouldn't be bothered by that comment coming from my husband because he tells me the opposite all the time - that I'm easy to get along with.
If he often complained about me being hard to get along with and made that comment, I'd be crushed. I'd recognize that he was not "joking" at all, but instead, wanted to hurt me.
No he is teasing but it still gets to me. I am very easy to get along with, something he tells me but for some reason it really bothered me at that particular time.
If you KNOW it's a joke, and that he doesn't really think that, why do you let yourself see it as being "shot down" instead of "he's trying to make me laugh because he likes seeing me happy?"
Well, having grown up with a teaser (and purposefully married someone who was NOT one), I have had a lot of practice, and I found that a combination of non-chalance and confidence are what disarms them.
You could have replied "OOOhhh... ouch... hope you don't have to find out how hard it might be to live without me then!", smile, and walk confidently away.
...and don't set yourself up. If you are wanting something from him, speak to him directly about it, and don't go about it in a round-about way and then expect him to understand what you're wanting.
That is not the way you treat someone you love. Your SO is using "humor" to be mean. The question is, why is he being such an a$$? That is what you need to figure out.
If you KNOW it's a joke, and that he doesn't really think that, why do you let yourself see it as being "shot down" instead of "he's trying to make me laugh because he likes seeing me happy?"
Because after awhile it gets old. If it's done over and over and over.
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His supposed sense of humor... 
