What do you think? Need Advise - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-08-2009, 02:31 PM Thread Starter
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Red face What do you think? Need Advise

First I would like to thank you for taking your time in reading and helping out if you can. I want to apologize if I'm all over the place.

Okay So this is my story, I have been married for 7 years and have 2 kids with H (9 & 3). We both work full time jobs H 8-430pm and I 8-5pm. That's not including the hour it takes to get to and from work. Okay now here is where I need help. H and I don't get along we can't even have a conversation with out it turning into a fight. From what H tells I'm the one with the problem, apparently I'm lazy and not as sexually active as I should be these are the major problem he has with me. Now this is what I do M through F take care of dropping off the kids in the morning and picking them up after work. When I get home I cook, serve and pack his lunch, I do 100% of the house chores. When I go out I'm always with the kids. Not to brag but I work 24-7 H on the other hand only works his 8-430pm and does not help with any chores well he takes out the trash every morning.

So my first question is, just because on the weekend I like to watch tv and not do anything around the house does this make me lazy? Does it make me lazy that I don't like to clean every weekend?

Now when it comes to being sexually active. If it was me I would be fine with once a month or even longer H feels that it should be a couple times a week but is okay with just the weekends. I know I'm horrible but I'm honestly have no interest doing anything with him I don't even like being around him since we are always fighting about this just thinking about makes my stomach turn.

I feel that he isn't fair and yet he wants me to change my habbits.

Not to make anyone feel like I'm pointing fingers but H is abusive verbally and can get abusive physically. Although he tells me that he's not abusive since he never beat me like Tina Turner got beat and the whole verbal thing is me being too sensitive. Now I know most of you might be saying why don't you just leave but it's so not that easy. I also know that there is two sides to this story and I'm not a perfect person. I honestly feel that I do more than my share and H should just be happy with me. I tell you if I can leave I would but I don't have the guts. I most definetly wouldn't be able to make it on one income. H tells me all the time that the reasons he doen't leave is because of the kids and he too can't afford it.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-08-2009, 04:32 PM
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Re: What do you think? Need Advise

Most folks would tell you that the abuse is defiantly grounds for divorce, but I dont know what this "abuse" entails so Im not gonna speak to that. As far as the other stuff, I would make a deal w/ him that if he wants more sex, your willing to give it to him in exchange for helping with chores around the house, and as a grown man he should make his own damn lunch regardless, what are you his mommy? I make my wifes lunch sometimes but just to be nice, she doesnt expect it. BTW does he pay most of the bills and the mortgage/rent? If he does I think he may be justified in expecting you to maintain the house regularly, I think too many women consider baby sitting and driving their own kids around, fair exchange for having their entire living expenses paid for( not saying thats you) but at the same time I dont think he should expect you to be his slave either. I would just go w/ the housework for sex deal. Once a month is pathetic anyway, I know thats all I get
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-08-2009, 05:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What do you think? Need Advise

He does pays the rent and I pay the light, cable, food, car note and insurance so we break out even. My thought is that i spoiled him so much( I even cut his meats into bite size pcs) i know what the hell was I thinking. I just got fed up with it and feel like enough is enough. Sometimes I feel like I should just clean more often and give sex when he wants and just sell myself short. I just need to get strong and stand up for myself.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-08-2009, 07:02 PM
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Re: What do you think? Need Advise

My wife is like that too, I spoil her (but not as bad as you ,cutting another adults meat? I dont even get the point of that) I do alot of house work, most of the grocery shopping, all of the home repair and all the work in bed (but I kinda like it that way) and I feel she takes it for granted, then when I hold back a little to put things in perspective for her, she thinks Im trying to start a fight, that sounds like your husband. I would stop doing stupid stuff like cutting his meat and making his lunch and say ,heres what Im willing to give you in return for what your currently giving me ,and if you want anymore ,your gonna have to give a little back. I would also give him some action ,and I mean give it to him good! Just once though, and then say, if you want that again heres what I want in return. I cant see you losing w/ that offer.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-09-2009, 05:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What do you think? Need Advise

sounds like a plan. well keep your fingers crossed and i will give you an update i hope it's good because as you said when you hold back they think you're upset but I'll take my time and explain and maybe he'll get the point. thanks
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-11-2012, 07:40 PM
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Re: What do you think? Need Advise

Kids do wipe you out ... then housework and FT work on top ... add in a grouchy mate and you have an ideal recipe to kill the libido. Have you tried telling your H that he doesnt exactly get you in the mood with his comments? Not too hard to understand that. You may well get the comment thrown back so be prepared and dont argue the point ... just let it lie and sink in for a while.

Regarding lazy, if the house is reasonably clean (no roaches!) and youre all in clean clothes, and you feel you are up to date with your list of what matters then take your time out when you can get it.

As a show of trying to be understanding you could maybe ask H what it is he has in mind for you to be doing during your "lazy" time and if its reasonably simple, maybe do it. Generally, decide for yourself and try to let the rest wash over you.
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