General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
i know this sound like some messed up lovestory but this is what is happening in my life right now
So i am a 22 year old black Woman that was working in a company as an assistant.. so when i first met my boss we felt from top to toe in love with each other but we would never kiss or hug or something because he was married even trough he was in a unhappy marriage and i didnt want to start something with an married man. so he later found out that his wife was cheating on him with an 15 year younger guy (my boss is 42 and his wife is 40) he's having a divorce right now and looking forward to marry me as soon as possible because i'm pregnant right now with his child. now heres the problem: HIS FAMILY
they don't really like because they think i was the one that broke my boss and his wife's marriage even trough she was the one another reason for my boss wanting to divorce his wife was because he (my boss) always wanted to have children and a family but his wife never got pregnant for 17 years of marriage.
now my question : what can i do to make them like me? or accept that we are going to marry each other
my boss is an 100% italian and he could never imagine having a wedding without his family (me either) but we really want to marry and have this baby !!!!
thank you so much for taking time to read this i really need help
thank you
Well first of all... You contradicted yourself in your post.. You said you didn't want to start anything with a married man.. and yet.. Your pregnant with his child and he's not even divorced yet? Sorry.. but I'm thinking... Shame on you. As far as his family goes... they are right to an extent since.. after all.. he isn't divorced yet according to you and your with child... HIS child. Now.. not every woman is capable of having offspring and it seems like your taking a shot at this mans wife because of that. That in itself is again.. wrong imo. Now another thing.. pertaining to his family.. what you did.. is wrong in their eyes and they may NEVER forgive either of you for it so .. that is something you two will just have to learn to accept for making... imo.. a stupid decision. The least both of you could have done.. was wait until he was actually divorced before having a relationship.
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"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
You're more convenient to blame than the x wife. They probably have known her for quite some time and loved her. You are new and young. An easy target for them.
They probably won't ever change their mind about you unfortunately. And it's stupid for them or anybody else to blame you. You're 22 years old and he's a big boy...he can decide to wait until the divorce is legal and then tell his parents he's dating you. It sounds like he never set the scene for them and left them having to put the pieces together for themselves. Which is never good for the hot young new wife.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Absolutely agree with Gaia... From OP's post it is more than clear that what happened between OP and her boss was highly inappropriate (no hugs, no kisses, yet pregnant... hmm) You might as well have hugged and kissed each other. What difference did that make? Also, you blame the boss's wife for not getting pregnant in 17 years of marriage. Being a woman you should know better than that. Have you seen the medical reports?
Also are you certain there is really an affair going on with the boss's wife and some other guy... exactly the same time when the boss has an affair with you and you get pregnant. Sounds like too much of a coincidence. Are you sure this is not a made up piece of information to sugar-coat your post? I agree with your boss's family that after reading your post I too get the feeling that you broke up your boss's marriage and your boss is no better for letting that happen. I can understand why the boss's family wouldn't want to be a part of the wedding. They obviously sympathize with boss's wife. I guess you and the boss need to live with your respective wrongdoings and accept what comes with it.
Don't expect it to be done the "right way" if it was "wrong" to begin with.
Xania, at 22, you probably can't even realize yet just how wrong HE is. You can't make his family accept you. You didn't break up his marriage, but he definitely did. Even if his wife had affairs, and even if it was because he was unkind to her, that means he didn't make his marriage enough of a priority. In fact, he coped with it by turning to a girl who is young enough to be his child and getting her pregnant while he is still married.
There are so many red flags here that the only truly good answer I can give you is that you would be smart to reconsider having this relationship at all. Luckily for you, his family is forcing you to open your eyes and look at the situation, but you might still not see what you should be seeing - that your relationship with this man isn't a healthy one.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
I still think.. even at 22 she is old enough to know right from wrong .. guess that's just me though.. :/
Sure she knows right from wrong. But what's done is done. She's still not old enough to recognize and understand those other red flags, I suspect (their age differences, the fact that he wasn't responsible enough to prevent her getting pregnant before he was divorced, the cultural aspects, and the other points eowyn made.)
Sure she knows right from wrong. But what's done is done. She's still not old enough to recognize and understand those other red flags, I suspect (their age differences, the fact that he wasn't responsible enough to prevent her getting pregnant before he was divorced, the cultural aspects, and the other points eowyn made.)
Ignorance is bliss... for a short while anyway... eh? But yeah.. she probably isn't seeing the redflags there as you say.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
uhm okay but let me just clear out some things
well the first thing is that i dont want to blame his wife for breaking her marriage alone ...... i know that we have made bad things as well
and
he (my boss) moved out after he found out that his wife cheated so they we're actually seperated (he 100 % wanted a divorce)
we weren't in a relationship we just started to hang out togheter and after a while he said that he wants to be with me and we had sex, and i got pregnant while he is divorcing
and yes being pregnant in such a time is really stupid
but it just happend that way and when i told him that i'am expecting a child he was just happy and loved the baby from the first moment
we just taught that he could divorce his wife .. marry me have the baby and live happily togheter but things are just bad right now
and we're not proud of that what happend but it happend and we just want to make the best thing out of it
and you can sayy sugar baby or gold digger how much u want but i will only say that this is 100000% love and nothing bout the money or else
I .. don't think anyone accused you of being a gold digger... Not that I seen anyway? You should keep in mind... from now on though that seperated.. is not divorced. I do applaud you for realizing that yes.. getting pregnant at that time is indeed a bad move. At least you recognize some of the wrongs you did in this situation. Now... this... "we just taught that he could divorce his wife .. marry me have the baby and live happily togheter" sounds like you were expecting a fairy tale ending. Nothing in life is ever going to be... "Happily ever after" Especially not being in a relationship.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
uhm okay but let me just clear out some things
well the first thing is that i dont want to blame his wife for breaking her marriage alone ...... i know that we have made bad things as well
and
he (my boss) moved out after he found out that his wife cheated so they we're actually seperated (he 100 % wanted a divorce)
we weren't in a relationship we just started to hang out togheter and after a while he said that he wants to be with me and we had sex, and i got pregnant while he is divorcing
and yes being pregnant in such a time is really stupid
but it just happend that way and when i told him that i'am expecting a child he was just happy and loved the baby from the first moment
we just taught that he could divorce his wife .. marry me have the baby and live happily togheter but things are just bad right now
and we're not proud of that what happend but it happend and we just want to make the best thing out of it
and you can sayy sugar baby or gold digger how much u want but i will only say that this is 100000% love and nothing bout the money or else
thank you
Stuff happens. I hope things work out as you'd like them to, though it'll be hard to get there.
I've mentioned some red flags that I hope you'll look at. Here's one more that is a BIG one, too. At your age, you're just starting in your career. You'll be at the peak of your career right around the time he's going to be ready to retire. Some questions I hope you'll ask yourself (whenever applicable):
- How will things be when he has no work responsibilities and you still have to go to work every day? Will he go off and do his own thing? Will you be the ball and chain that keeps him from travelling, starting a hobby career, or whatever his goals are?
- Your child will be reaching college age as he's getting ready to retire. Will you both be able to put away for college AND retirement?
- Will he resent you if you want to spend money and have fun at a time when he needs to putting away money for retirement?
- How will your energy and motivation levels work together or conflict as the years pass when there's such a large age gap?
24Likes
we want to marry but his family .... 
But yeah.. she probably isn't seeing the redflags there as you say.
