General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
How would you approach your husband/partner if he wanted to change a job to one that wouldn't be enough to support your family?
I might be in that situation very soon and have no idea how to talk to him about it. I understand that he wants that job but it might simply not be enough for us to live on. I'm still studying and doing lots of internships, which pretty much take up my whole week, so until I finish it all, I have no way of earning money. Particularly in our area.
I told him that I'd love for him to change a job and that I don't mind moving (which is a must with this job) but I just want to know that we will be able to survive on his wage. That's all. I don't need vacations, eating out, etc. Just simple survival. He's angry but what else could I say? Be optimistic and then find out that there isn't enough to eat?
This is basic stuff, I'm a little worried that you don't feel comfortable talking to him about this.
How do you do it? You sit down, you say, wow, this is a great opportunity, but I've run the numbers and I don't think we can make it. And then you look at him and wait for his answer.
Why would he be angry? Do facts make him angry? Or is there something deeper going on?
I would tell him exactly what I think about his dumba$$ decision. but I don't rely on my husband financially. For us, if it was something that would make him happier, I'd tell him to go for it.
The problem is that so far I do depend on him and, believe me, I don't feel comfortable with it but so far I have no other option. As much as I'd like it to change.
I did talk to him today, calmly, told him exactly that ("i'd love for you to change that job but we might not make ends meet") and he got angry. Now I'm all stressed out because I don't want him to resent me or think that I'm holding him back - but what can I do about the facts? If you need X to survive and will have X-30% what else there is to say? It's not my fault that they don't pay more.
I'm just hopeless - how could I show him that it's not me "wanting or not wanting" but it's just the maths?
Help me, please, as I have no one to talk to about it...
Sometimes we just have to pull up the bootstraps and do tasks we don't like to do... but if you are "just" surviving on X and there is no changing in site sometimes you have to take a risk because you can't survive "just" surviving for long. Either figure out a way to survive on X-30%, or supplement X-30% with more income.
But once again, you seem clear on the cons of the new job, what ares the pros?
Believe me, there is no way we could survive on X-30% and in our circumstances there is no way to supplement it. If there was, I wouldn't be writing here but getting ready to move the house.
The pros of this job is that he would do more things that he likes to do. And as much I'd love him to do it, I just can't see how could we afford to pay the rent, bills or event to eat if he did.
I'm really stressed and sad but it's really not my fault... but it feels like it... or he makes me feel as if it was... ((
Are you poised to get a job in what you are studying as soon as you are ready? How long will that be? Will you make more than him even in this other job he wants?
Whos experience is greater to be able to snag a job in the future?
I did show him the numbers, although it was very difficult for me because I didn't want to hurt him.
But he keeps repeating that it's a great job, etc. I know, and I'm sorry that the numbers are as they are. He even said: "So you're the sensible one". It's not that I'm the sensible one. I just added the numbers. That's all. I feel as if he wanted me to say: "Great, honey, let's go for it and let's not worry about such silly things as grocery or rent. They will sort themselves out.". But they won't.
What would you say in those circumstances? And about what consequences you were thinking?
Does he have a track record of disappointing? Is he irresponsible, particularly with money? Has he been an unstable provider? If not then maybe have some faith in him... if you really doubt his ability to provide ask him to draw up a new budget with the new job and the new home and set of home expenses, and really look to see if it is possible.
May I ask, what ballpark level of income would he be earning? Do you have any income? How many kids do you have?
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Changing jobs - how to approach him? 
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