yellowstar

you can ask yourself?

I don't want to overlook something and then husband later say I had no idea that would bother you...

In_The_Wind

Hi yellow I belive that a lot of boundaries are set on things that would make you feel comfortable or
Uncomfortable in dealing with others like these should be discussed openly between two partners
I feel like that way its out in the open and their is no grey area so to speak
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Almostrecovered

a good start

Appropriate Boundaries with members of opposite sex

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Newbies please read this
My story

GPR

From your other posts be sure you really evaluate what is reasonable and what isn't. And be sure that what you lay out you stick to them. And that goes both ways. Don't make them more strict as you go along.
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Acorn

When you are doing this, remember that if it's just you coming up with boundaries for yourself, they have to be boundaries on you and not on your spouse.

For instance, a bad boundary for me to come up with would be, "Yellowstar can't post any more." but a good one would be, "I will not click and read Yellowstar's posts." Something like that. I'm trying to protect myself and not trying to force you to live your life a certain way in the example.

If you want boundaries that affect you as a couple, you really should agree on those together, since every couple is different.

yellowstar

I see what you're saying...more about this will protect me.

What if he is more comfortable with me being friends with opposite sex than I am with him...just make it more general boundary like " ask yourself--would my spouse be ok with this?"

yellowstar

For sure

Acorn

The best one for that would be a boundary you both agree on, maybe something like "Opposite sex friends must be approved by the other spouse and/or will not be kept if a spouse is uncomfortable."

Again, every couple is different, I know some folks won't allow opposite sex friends period, and others would cringe and think my suggestion was very controlling. Whatever works for you guys.

Your only personal boundary might be, "I will not be in a relationship where my spouse insists on opposite sex friends against my wishes."

iheartlife

There's also the book Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend, several forum members who dealt with infidelity in their marriages recommend it. It's the only book I've found that narrowly concentrates on that subject.
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yellowstar

Thanks everyone!

Mistys dad

Boundaries are easy.

The consequences for breaking them is the hard part.

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The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.

GPR

What might help you, is to get a little more specific on your boundaries. Do it now with a level head and no emotion and time to evaluate.

This can then be used in 2 ways. The obvious is for boundaries for your husband. The Second is for you. You can use it as a tool to decide if you are over-reacting to something or being over-jealous. You can look back at your boundaries and ask yourself if what is going on really should be upsetting or are you over-reacting.

yellowstar

I like this

Ten_year_hubby

First, make sure that you understand the concept of healthy anger and have enough self awareness to know when you are experiencing it. Feeling a healthy anger is the best indication that a boundary is being violated.

piggyoink

I read it. He's a big fan of group interaction.