anchorwatch

LOST, smoke, really? Girls weekend, my ass! She lied to her H, she contacted the XBF, he found her out. That's enough evidence for a confident man. No lost puppy, just a man showing he'll be in your face if you eff with him. You may disagree with Middleman's confrontational stance, but sitting back, puking you guts out while your wife screwing another man, is like a little puppy cowering in a corner.

For me, it would be somewhere along these lines:
Inform her I know she lied and I know whats she's up to.
Tell her to stay with him.
Change the locks and put her stuff is on the lawn.
Oh yeah, I'd be looking for his wife too. I'm sure she'll be interested.

But the reality is she has no respect for Swede. He never enforced his boundaries and she knows she can get away with it. He's worried about overreacting? He's her doormat and he's not going to grow any now.
There is something to say for the way they do things in the Bronx.

Swede, get off your ass! Man up, do something! Don't let her walk over you.

sinnister

The moment your "wife" thinks you're stalking her is the moment you realize she doesn't love you.

I wouldnt go down to Florida. But I damn sure would make it clear that if she's going to do down there what it looks like she's going to do she can stay there.

The Middleman

Can I assume you're a Bronx Guy too?

The Middleman

I don't get this whole thing with calling it "stalking". She's his wife and if he wants to be there and see what's going on, it's his prerogative to do so. You "stalk" a stranger or acquaintance, you might even "stalk" a girlfriend you aren't living with and all of those would be major league creepy (if not illegal), but this is his wife, man! This is his family he's trying to protect! It's not "stalking"; it's being proactive; it's being protective.

I hear all the time on this board that affairs are to be exposed! That affairs can't thrive in the light! That you can't make it easy for them. I hear of GPS's, VAR's and Key Loggers. What is wrong with not making it easy for it to happen in the first place. I guarantee you that if he showed up in Ft. Lauderdale and she knew he was there (he doesn't even have to hang with her) that there would be no contact with the EX and no risk of her sleeping with the EX. I don't get this whole "wait to see what happens", be proactive before something happens.

I know if I were in Swede1775 shoes, I would have asked her not to go in the first place and certainly after I learned of the calls, I would have told (not asked) her to come home. If that didn't work, I'd be sitting next to her at the bar. Just Sayin'.

anchorwatch

B'klyn guy.
Me, East NY. Her, Brownsville.
Into Howard Beach, Now out on the Island.

The Middleman

Me, I'm originally from the North East Bronx; My wife from Queens, both now in Rockland County.

anchorwatch

Yeah, I don't get the non confrontational point of view either. It's our marriage. Either one of us has the right to confront the other and expect the consequences. She's been in my face once or twice, lol.

If you live you life walking on eggshells around issues and not enforcing boundaries, your spouse will learn not to respect you. They will crap on you because they don't expect any consequences.

I remember a fellow from Coney Island told a story about waiting on the TSA line, at the airport, to get frisked. He had just been to Yankee Stadium for bat day. He wondered how many terrorist would get on the plane if they handed everyone a Louisville Slugger. Consequences!