I've just found this forum while searching for other advice or info for my situation. So here goes..
I've been married to my husband for almost 7 years. We have a 9 month old baby.
He has no libido whatsoever. I have a high one. He'd be happy to only have sex a couple of times a year, if ever. I'd like it at least a few times a week. We've only had sex 3 times this year, all me initiating. In the 8 years we've been together, he's only initiated sex about 5 times, seriously. We've fought about it a lot..that is me starting off asking why he never initiates and it escalates into fighting and him promising he'll change and ask for it more. He then gets over affectionate for a few days thinking this fixes everything, but still doesn't initiate sex.. same scenario over and over and over for our whole marriage.
He's never really been into sex but due to living with his parents for the first 4 years of the marriage (in his country) which made intimacy difficult, it didn't seem a huge issue.. until we moved here and lived alone, where it became abundantly clear that he just isn't interested in sex. A few months ago he finally admitted to me that he doesn't like sex. After me questioning him for years and him reassuring me that he likes it, he'll change, etc etc, he finally told me the simple truth. He won't get counselling and he won't have his hormones checked because he thinks he's completely normal.
If we didn't have a baby I think I would end things. He is from a different country and if I left him, he would have little choice but to move back to his country as he is not independent and wouldn't know how to live here alone. I don't want our baby to grow up without a dad, and he is the best dad in the world.
So, after all that, I'm on the verge of cheating on him. I have never ever cheated on anyone and have always been quite judgemental of cheaters, thinking there is never justification to do that. But now here I am very seriously contemplating it
I met someone recently who is interested in taking things further then friendship with me and frankly it feels great to actually have someone interested in me sexually after so many years of rejection and disinterest from my husband. I feel like this is not who I want to be..married and considering physically being with someone else. I know there is no justification in cheating..only a reason.
How is it fair to be in a marriage that has no intimacy though? If your partner knows you are unhappy with something in the marriage, shouldn't they at least make an effort to fix things? How can you reaffirm your love and commitment without sex/making love.. making dinner and doing chores only goes so far IYKWIM.
I've never been in a situation like this and feel like I am going to be physical with this other person to get what is missing in my marriage. I have asked my husband before if he would allow me to have sex with someone else and the thought horrified him (rightly so I suppose!), yet he won't have sex with me.. so I just don't know what to do..