General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My husband runs a business from home. Because I am an organised person & he is not, he asked me to help him to get a good working routine happening.
I give him suggestions, he says 'great', follows them for about a week & then goes back to his sloppy work habits, resulting in chaos & work not being done on time.
Two days ago, I got fed up & said, "I am tired of nagging you about work, you either want my suggestions or you want to continue on in chaos. Sometimes I feel like I am being your mother, except that we have sex."
He says, "So you don't want to have sex with me anymore?" WTF. that is not what I said at all. (mind you, he probably has bad mind pictures now).
Since then, he has been sulking, sitting in front of his computer with head phones on watching movies.
I gave him a hug & said I didn't want to be mean, he said me too, but none of the normal groping or comments have been happening.
This sulking is becoming more frequent as he gets older (mid 40's). Do I slap him out of it or wait for him to get over it?
In one swoop, you called him a child, said you were like his mother, questioned his abilities in running a business (and by extension, anything), and brought sex into it.
Not saying he doesn't maybe deserve it. But you made him feel like less of a man. And when a man doesn't feel like a man, he won't have the confidence and drive for the "groping" and "comments".
It might take him some time to snap out of it, but I do agree that nagging at him will only make things worse. See if you can distance yourself from the "suggestions" he asked from you. In order to change, he needs to be willing to put in the time and to put forth the effort, without losing control and getting frustrated, and it doesn't look like he is willing to do that.
I'm coming up on 21 years of marriage. I'll tell you the smartest things I ever learned about husbands.
Stay out of their problems. They are grown men and don't need us wives telling them what to do.
I know you meant well but what your husband heard was "you're a failure and can't do anything right". Most men have very fragile egos and most of our suggestions imply they aren't capable so it's best to leave them be. I tell my husband I have total faith that he'll figure it out. I give him a hug and a kiss then I slowly back away.
My husband runs a business from home. Because I am an organised person & he is not, he asked me to help him to get a good working routine happening.
I give him suggestions, he says 'great', follows them for about a week & then goes back to his sloppy work habits, resulting in chaos & work not being done on time.
Two days ago, I got fed up & said, "I am tired of nagging you about work, you either want my suggestions or you want to continue on in chaos. Sometimes I feel like I am being your mother, except that we have sex."
He says, "So you don't want to have sex with me anymore?" WTF. that is not what I said at all. (mind you, he probably has bad mind pictures now).
Since then, he has been sulking, sitting in front of his computer with head phones on watching movies.
I gave him a hug & said I didn't want to be mean, he said me too, but none of the normal groping or comments have been happening.
This sulking is becoming more frequent as he gets older (mid 40's). Do I slap him out of it or wait for him to get over it?
Adding the Mom comment probably really stuck with him.... you need to sincerely apologize for that one, and let him know that you can tell it hurt his feelings by the way he's been acting and you said it out of frustration.... we all need to be careful with our words when we are emotionally heated.
In one swoop, you called him a child, said you were like his mother, questioned his abilities in running a business (and by extension, anything), and brought sex into it.
Not saying he doesn't maybe deserve it. But you made him feel like less of a man. And when a man doesn't feel like a man, he won't have the confidence and drive for the "groping" and "comments".
Now go grope him and do your best to undo what you just said. I know you didn't mean anything bad but you must understand men are pretty sensitive about how their wives feel about them. Your husband wants to be your hero.
Unless his name is Oedipus, he likely didn't like that you, essentially, said he's having sex with his mom.
Stay out of the business. Let him work in his chaos. If you need to keep track of things yourself for some reason, fine, but otherwise... don't nag him. And as KanDo suggested: Go grope the man!
Trouble is, he asked me for input, he said he is too close to the business to see where change is needed & prior to leaving my previous job, I was running a whole department in an office. I am going to be working with him soon, most of the time we get on just fine, but I cannot see how anyone can function in chaos with no procedures in place.
I will go & climb back in bed with him & massage the ego...
In one swoop, you called him a child, said you were like his mother, questioned his abilities in running a business (and by extension, anything), and brought sex into it.
Not saying he doesn't maybe deserve it. But you made him feel like less of a man. And when a man doesn't feel like a man, he won't have the confidence and drive for the "groping" and "comments".
Seriously, can't imagine why he'd sulk. Only way you could have insulted him more was to bring penis size into it.
Nagging sucks. Constant gentle pressure is a much better way to teach good work habits.
You must choose your words very carefully when addressing one of your husband's weaknesses. Speak in impersonal terms like, "We used this organizational tool at the office. It really helped keep us on track." Do NOT imply that he is a childish slob with no sense of time management or organizational skills.
If you are going to work with him, it is crucial that you each have your own areas of expertise where you do not second guess each other. If your strength is organization, you do that part, while he takes care of marketing, or whatever area is his strength.
You will not change him by criticizing his weaknesses. You must encourage him to excel in the areas that are his strengths.
Mine is sulking right now too. It irritates the hell out of me and I find it utterly unattractive. Why is he sulking - because I just did an 8 hour shift (7th day out of 8 days on at work) and he wants to stick me with the kids so he can go watch a big machine they are bringing into town to rescue people from our mall.
I'm sorry I'm not a fracking built in babysitter and I NEVER once asked this of him while he was working full time. It's incredibly disrespectful (the kids, except one, have been at school all day too so not like he's been with 5 kids all day long either) and it pisses me off.
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Sulky Husband - What is with men? 
