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Should I be offended?

2K views 10 replies 9 participants last post by  Katiebird 
#1 ·
Would you be offended or am I just over sensitive? H and I are finally "talking" again. I had to see a dr about some othe stuff and I know I have gained a few pounds over the last 10 years. At one point, due to stress, about 10 years ago I was very thin. At recent dr appointment I mentioned that I knew I needed to loose weight. The doc told me that I was ok the way I was. I still would like to shed some pounds but when I told that to H he laughed and said "what does he know! You need to loose weight!" I am not a young person and I do try to watch what I eat. Due to job etc, I am not getting the exercise that I want. I am not obese but my BMI is just over 25. I would rather be about 21 and am working on it but the more I thought about it, the more insulted I became. :mad: If you have read any of my posts, you know that I am dealing with a bit of a passive aggressive guy. So should I just shrug it off and get on with life?
 
#3 ·
Katie, I'd be very hurt. I have gained weight since my neck injury(4 years ago it happened). I haven't been able to get it off. I use to be really toned and thin. I was running 36 miles a week and near spring add biking and swimming to the mix to train for triathlons.

Unfortunately, I'm barely able to walk, but I'm grateful I still can. I will most likely end up in a wheelchair in the next 10-15 years or earlier. I'm only in my late 30's. I do bike, but it's not enough cardio to lose the weight I want. I'm only eating 900-1200 calories most days. Some days to week I eat more and then go back to my normal habits. I need a wheelchair when we go places that involve a lot of walking.(I feel embarrassed about this too)

My husband has never said a word about my weight gain. I'm not overweight, but I'm in the same position as you and I'm not getting any younger. I'm at a loss what to do or how to shed these last pounds. I did lose 20 from the weight I gained, but these last few when I plateaued, I can not shed for the life of me. If I was able to walk or run, it'd come off, but I'm not. I'm very limited in my daily movement. Biking is not cutting it at my speed and length of time. I can not push myself into biking harder or longer.

I do bring it up to my husband. He doesn't say much, but he would never tell me what your husband said ever. That was very hurtful and uncalled for. I'm very sensitive for my weight gain. I gained 100lbs per child(3), but was able to come off quickly by walking the first and running the other two. My last child, I could run a 5k just 2 weeks after delivery even with the extra weight.

I'm disabled, so I am unable to work. I try to be as mobile as possible since this will benefit me in the long run. I'm at the point where I really don't expect to lose these last few pounds. I'm doing all I can and I can not eat under 900 calories. I don't want to. I eat two 1 cup bowls of cereal twice a day and a small dinner. If I start snacking in between, I start eating more and more.

As long as my husband shows interest in me intimately, I'll take it that he still finds me attractive. I try my best not to show him my insecurities. He knows that I have issues with my weight gain, I have told him here and there. I try not to bring it up, but it sits in the back of my mind everyday. I will never get back the toned body I once had from running.
 
#7 ·
I fully agree with this point.

According to your husband,the doctor who went to years of medical school and training doesn't know what a healthy weight should be for you? That's ridiculous. I'd be offended,hurt,and probably depressed over it.

I bet your husband is no spring chicken with a 21yr old man's figure...perhaps he is speaking against you bc you got the "yes your weight is fine" and he didn't have a medical professional telling him that he looks fine.
 
#6 ·
I learned that you have to do something for yourself and not for anyone else -- and that would include quit smoking, losing weight, etc.

If you want to lose those pounds -- do it for yourself and not because of your husband.

I am a male -- and I think your husband is being an as* !!

Good luck with the weight loss -- and remember -- weight lose and keeping it off is a life style change --- eating better, drink plenty of water, exercise, etc.

I live by the 80 - 20 rule --- if I make healthy, wise, good decisons 80 % of the time -- I will be okay -- because that 20% of the time is called life (birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc)

Just remember everything in moderation -- and you should be able to eat anything you want.

Once again -- wishing you the best.
 
#8 ·
This is one of those times that I kind of thought about afterwards and thought "did he really say that?" There were other comments too - along those same lines about how his waist was shrinking and something about my bum. . . which wasn't complimentary . . . honestly I kind of tuned out. I swear, i get so tired of zingers . . . I cannot remember the last time he told me I looked nice. It does hurt and yes, i do think it is intentional.
 
#9 ·
Maybe he was joking? My husband makes rude jokes about my weight sometimes, then he'll giggle and kiss me or slap my butt when I give him a really nasty look. I'd be very hurt if I wasn't technically on the verge of being underweight and wearing a size 0 or 00 in Abercrombie jeans. Anyway, I guess he missed the male memo to never comment on a woman's weight negatively. He says he thinks it's funny because he knows that I know he doesn't mean it.
 
#10 ·
have you been saying you need to lose weight? Perhaps he was trying to "take your side" in your disagreement with the doc. In any case, it was a stupid thing to say. But sometimes men say stupid things without meaning anything by it. Myself, I'm very good at not getting suckered in to commenting on my wife's weight when she brings the topic up. So ya, I'll say it.....you brought up the conversation and led him into a no win trap, and he failed. But he's passive aggressive.
 
#11 ·
Actually HE wanted to compare notes with some recent lab work and weight stuff he had done at a health fair. He thought he would beat me hands down in all catagories (colesterol etc.), but in fact I did have lower numbers in all those areas. His BMI and mine are very similar. I think he thinks he is joking but it still hurts and my problem is I need to tell him to stop - but I don't.
 
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