I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.
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Old 04-12-2009, 11:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

I've been with my husband for almost 10 years. We have twin girls, 1 year old. We had fertility treatment because he could not get me pregnant. He is a very good father to the girls. He is 55, I'm 32. We know each other in and out but I just feel we lost the passionate for each other. Our romance is almost none.

I'm working mom, he stays home with the girls. For the past year, I met my ex, he is 37. (We broke up 8 years ago becuase he had to be oversea for the past 8 years, we were so close to get married but it did not happen), he moved back to the town 1 hour from my house. He is married and has 1 boy. He loves his son but not his wife. He doesn't want to divorce becuase he does not want to hurt his son's feeling.

We both started with e-mails and it turned to be a meeting and we felt the chemistry and reconnected right away. We tried to avoid being alone together but we slipped. After 8 years, our feelings are still so strong. He told me he does not want to lose me again. We tried to sneak from our family to see each other once a week. We talked on the phone everyday. I know it's very wrong but I just can't help myself. I felt like I'm not in love with my husband anymore.

Last week I found out I got prenant with my ex. I was in shock. I always want to have more babies but I knew without fertility treatment, I will not be able to have babies. I did not tell my husband. I told my ex, he asked me to end this pregnancy becuase he thought it will affect too many people especially our families who we want to keep. I felt heart broken becuase I want the baby. If I told my husband, I could ruin my family life.

I'm only 4 wks pregnant now. I really don't know what I should do. I plan not to tell my husband and end my pregnancy ASAP. But after that I don't know how I live with the life like this. How will I forgive myself for what is going to happen?
or I should keep the baby, let things happen and cope with it?


Sorry for a long story. I'm feeling so sad and heart broken.
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Old 04-12-2009, 11:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

this is so hard. I personally would keep the baby... I'd face the music of what I'd done wrong...

Very easy for this boyfriend of yours to tell you to abort your child, when it's not he that will have to live with that for the rest of his life. I wouldn't let him tell you to "clean" up the mess you both have gotten yourself into.

Dont' do it, unless it is Totally what you want to do. You can't undue it, once the child is gone,,, he/she is gone. Make certain.

Maybe you could face the music? Come clean about everything. And I would even wager that your husband might love this child with all his heart.

It all depends on what you want to do. This is something that no one can really tell you, yes or no answers for.
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

I agree that this is a tough one...personally, I could never abort a healthy baby, yet support the right of woman to have free choice.

You are ultimately the one who has to decide what you want to do about your pregnancy - not you husband and not the father of your baby - your body, your choice.
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

Her body, her choice and a forming person inside her. I say tell your hubby, beg to work it out, end all communication with ex and allow that person inside you the opportunity to live life. You'll be glad you did.
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

What I worried is if my husband will turn his back on me, take our daughters and then I will lose everything. I love my daughters so much and want both of them to grow up with mom and dad.
The other side, I don't know if I would forget this baby if I chose to have abortion. Some people said 6 wks, it does not count as "life" yet and told me to do it before it is too late.
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Old 04-13-2009, 06:07 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

I say leave now and take the pain, this is the most PAINFUL OF BETRAYAL ISSUES.

How could/would think of asking your husband to throw 18 yrs of his life into a child now you became a semen depository.

I do not mean to be so harsh, but this is one of the most greed filled feely good things about today soceity.

Do you realize in NYC I can spend less time in prison for cold blooded murder than raising a child.

I expect to see "told my husband post next or took care of the issue".

I belong to many a paternity fraud org to protect men from this.

Move on, but do not destroy others lives.
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Old 04-13-2009, 06:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

I'm only 4 wks pregnant now.

**Good time now to decide very fast.

I really don't know what I should do. I plan not to tell my husband and end my pregnancy ASAP.

**This would be the human thing to do.

But after that I don't know how I live with the life like this. How will I forgive myself for what is going to happen?
or I should keep the baby, let things happen and cope with it?

**Cope with what being truthful telling hubby packing the bags and leaving or living a lie each time you look at kid. I hope the ex looks like you H, otherwise you from the getgo in trouble.

Sorry for a long story. I'm feeling so sad and heart broken.

**Sand and broken what to throw your H life down the drain, or to life a deception.

Oh and the ex family, plan to decieve them also.
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Old 04-13-2009, 06:41 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

I am very well aware that abortion is a super-sensitive issue, but I feel it is unnecessary to be rude and unkind when you post to this forum. This woman is struggling with a huge decision. She does not need comments that are hurtful in any way.
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Old 04-13-2009, 07:27 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

Sensitive,

Not rude, but very blunt.

This is the absolute of infidelites, to conceive anothers child.

Then to think of even conceiving H to raise.

Now go on the internet, go past the feely good posts and read the long range outcomes of such for husband and wife with this child.

Imagine looking into the eyes each day of the moment of conceivement. There are horror stories out there with not a pleasant outcome.

Then many do not tell, why do you think there are now men protection orgs, honey little Johnny doesn't look like me. Why my loving husband he is not yours.

Sorry hubby I will screw you and all you own if you want to leave, now men have formed this protection which FYI is winning cases at a 100% rate with many a state and nation turning the laws around.

My posts is no the feely good ones, but the ones that one day will return the matrimonal vows back to history, not feely good political good ones.
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Old 04-13-2009, 10:13 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

yes... Reid, this is a subject where you just can't be that "blunt"...

she clearly didn't do right by having an affair, but I am certain she never intended for this to happen. And you telling her to just get rid of her baby, is a very rash thing to say. It is a life, a human being. It doesn't start off as a fish and "turn" human at 6 weeks..

For anyone who wonders.... a human embryo has a heart, and it beats... at 3 weeks after conception....

by 8 weeks of pregnancy, All the major organs, heart, brain, lungs, digestive, etc.... are in place, and at that point, the growth process begins...

So, whether she does this or not, Reid... shouldn't depend on the fact that she is feeling badly for cheating onher hubby...

I think she feels horrible enough as it is.

Burning... you will just have to search your heart on this one. Even the post by Reid, albeit harsh, is pointing out things you will have to consider.

Everyone has given you many different scenarios. I personally would never abort a child... every life is a blessing. But, it's your life, your child.... so, if it is something you do,,, let it be because You decided this, not your boyfriend who is pressuring you.

He has the easy way out, and it is very easy for him to just drop that bomb, cause he does not have to live with the consequences of doing something that will affect his emotions so profoundly.

Let us know how you are, and what you decide.... good luck to you
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Old 04-13-2009, 10:19 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

although time is really important here please dont rush or be made to rush into making YOUR desision !
take time out to evaluate what you want and need .. Only you can deside which way to turn ,
dont rush and then spend a lifetime of regrets do what is right for you and noone else xx
good luck x thinking of you
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:09 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

I am sorry,

Major misunderstanding lost via electrons.

I am not advocating abortion, however confession and face life whatever happens. Then the rest is of her choosing.

She is 4 weeks in, so a tell all to hubby now is the best course.

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Too many men hae kids born then a couple of years later, wow my kid doesn't veven resemble me in the least bit.

The issue with that approx 63% is correct.

Then the pain begins.
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:23 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

I suggest you talk to your husband and take it from take it from there. He has a right to know. If he accepts the situation, then that's great, if not, then you can't blame him.
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Old 04-13-2009, 12:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

First of all, I hope it's become clear to you that your ex-boyfriend/ TOM does not love or care about you in the way it may have seemed before. His line about not wanting to hurt his son is merely his excuse to have you and not have to make the tough choices. He's asking you to abort this baby out of his own self-interest. Please cut off all contact with him ASAP.

As for your current dilemna, it's clear that you want to have this child. What you don't want is to get in trouble. Well, you are not a teenager - you are an adult and have to pull yourself back and think like one. Yes, it would be absolutely difficult and potentially disastrous to talk to your husband about what has been done. However, you owe it to the new life that you have created to behave responsibily and maturely and you owe it to your husband to come clean about the affair and the pregnancy (regardless of abortion or not). So, you're going to have to deal with the disclosure either way.

If your fear is that your husband will take away your children, well he doesn't have that right. You are their mother and an act of indiscretion doesn't negate that. Go speak with a lawyer and learn what your custory rights would be.

You can't escape this. If you tell your husband and give birth to your child, you must face whatever emotional repercussions occur. If you abort this child, you will still face major emotional repercussions. However, since you want this child, it would make sense to me to take the consequences that allow you to have this child in your life.

I believe in your right to choose. But I do not think that a life should be ended based on the fear (and pressure from the ex-boyfriend) that you are under right now.

Best of luck to you making this tough decision. I say talk to your husband and face the music. Plenty of men learn to forgive and even accept another man's child in their lives. So, I wouldn't make assumptions about what he is or is not capable of. Having said that, if he chooses to end the marriage, you should be prepared for that. And, honestly, other than security, it doesn't seem like you value that marriage much anyway.
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:20 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm pregnant with a guy who is not my husband. I'm desperate.

Don't listen to whoever told you the child is not "alive" until 6 weeks, complete horse crap pro-abortion propaganda.

Like marina said, a beating heart at 3 weeks, I could go list many MANY other things that are going on in the babies development before most mothers even know they are pregnant (usually happen when yours did, at 4-6 weeks into the pregnancy).

You need to talk to your husband, and fortunately for you, unfortunately for men, the courts are almost always on the woman's side, so your husband would never be able to "take" your twins away from you even if he decided to leave.
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