Triad/Polyamory relationship
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Old 07-02-2012, 11:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Triad/Polyamory relationship

Me and my wife of 5 years have recently become interested in another girl. At first, it was just a "threesome" kind of idea, but the more time we spend with her, the more we like her. My wife was actually the first to talk about a 'three way relationship', which means that between the three of us, we would have a relationship with each of the other two individually and together (hopefully that makes sense). This would be a closed relationship, so not like swinging or anything. This would let us all go out with at least one other person, and we could rotate who stays home with the kids. We feel that since we all have a great relationship with communication and trust, we could make it work great if we choose to, or break it off if needed.

My question is, has anyone had any experience with this type of relationship? I'm just wondering if there is anything that would be unanticipated that we haven't thought of. We haven't really talked about it since we brought it up a few weeks ago, but it sounds like something that would be great to at least try.
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
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It doesn't sound great to me at all. No way would I want to stay home while DH went out with another woman. Jealousy, misunderstanding, grief, misery is what you'll get. Not a fun, fancy-free playmate like you're envisioning.

But I think any extra people in a marriage are a bad idea, so I may not be the opinion you're looking for.
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

There are quite a few polyamory forums where you could probably get some more appropriate advice.

I'd never do it, and I doubt that many people here would, so our comments will inevitably be biased.
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

Bad idea!
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

Someone would get punched, hard. In the face.
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

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There are quite a few polyamory forums where you could probably get some more appropriate advice.

I'd never do it, and I doubt that many people here would, so our comments will inevitably be biased.

Sounds good. I've always heard bad things about trying this sort of thing. I feel we have a better relationship than the average couple that could easily survive in case it didn't work though. We've talked a lot about that already and have the understanding of what could happen, and also understand that we are still each others number one; either one of us can end it if we feel like its not working in a way we are comfortable with, and then its done.

We have visited forums centered around polyamory, but those all seem to be 'open' relationships, which isn't what we are looking for. So that is only partially relevant to our situation. I understand the bias, but thank you for responding. No serious input is bad IMO.
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:28 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

Just out of curiosity, what do you or your wife feel this third party can bring to your relationship, that just the two of you can't provide for one another?
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:45 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

i saw a episode of that "sister wives" show. i cant fathom why a man would want to deal with more than one wife. Just one is another fulltime job.

i had that fantasy crap when i was younger about the mormon mulitple wife like thing.

Then i got just one wife and it quickly went away.
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Just out of curiosity, what do you or your wife feel this third party can bring to your relationship, that just the two of you can't provide for one another?

There's really nothing that we NEED to have from this other person. After being together 7 years, we still have a very strong relationship together. We aren't actively looking for a person to bring into our relationship; its not the lifestyle that led us to the person, its the person that led us to the lifestyle. We have been meeting with this person regularly (non sexual) for about a month, and we all get along really well. My wife doesn't really consider herself bi, but does have an attraction to this person, as do I. She has a good mix of mine and my wife's interests, so both of us have something in common with this person on some level. We aren't extremely social people, so having this person in our relationship would allow us to enjoy our otherwise ignored interests.

Being such a big change to what we are used to, chances are it won't even happen, and I'm ok with that too. However, if we DO have the opportunity, I want to be sure that we are aware of as much as possible regarding what to expect.

Right now, we are just taking the 'let's just see what happens' approach, so nothing will be forced.


(I had to piece that together and I don't have the time to reformat, so sorry if the flow isn't there) :P
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Old 07-02-2012, 02:06 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

So when your wife was the first to talk about the new idea, was it with you or was this other woman involved in the discussion? It sounds like maybe the other woman is not really very well aware of your intentions. You never said specifically that you had talked about it with the other woman.

It might be easier to hire a babysitter and go out and sit at a table at a bar and have your fantasies with what is walking around, and to keep it at the fantasy, rather than reality, level.

You and your wife are bonded together in marriage. A third party cannot become bonded to you in marriage. So when push comes to shove she has no vested interest in resolving any issues to anyone's advantage other than her own. Be careful what you wish for, in case you get it.
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Old 07-02-2012, 02:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

well this is different than your standard polygamy arrangement as the wife and the extra woman will also be "in love" with each other and be sexual etc

I'll just say that it is hard enough making a marriage work with 2 people, couldn't imagine 3, especially when their periods sync up
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Old 07-02-2012, 02:09 PM   #12 (permalink)
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i saw a episode of that "sister wives" show. i cant fathom why a man would want to deal with more than one wife. Just one is another fulltime job.

i had that fantasy crap when i was younger about the mormon mulitple wife like thing.

Then i got just one wife and it quickly went away.
Yeah, we watch that too. I still don't know how he does that with 4 wives. That's different from what i'm considering, since in that scenario, person A has a relationship with person B, C, D, and E, and thats it. In our case, Person A would have a relationship with B and C, B would have one with A and C, and C would have one with A and B. So, instead of separating the relationships, we just mix it all into one big relationship.

That might make more sense in my head...sorry if that's confusing.

On a related note, the family in Sister Wives has, in my opinion, a much happier family than what you see on most other shows, or even real life relationships for that matter. I firmly believe it has to do with the people involved. You may have what seems like a great relationship, but without trust and communication, it could break down at any time. Trust and communication are top priority in our relationship as it is. We went for a while with a lack in our communication, and we definitely noticed a change in
our lives for the worst. Once we got over that, its been nothing less than great ever since.
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Old 07-02-2012, 02:10 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Triad/Polyamory relationship

Do you have children?
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Old 07-02-2012, 02:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
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There's really nothing that we NEED to have from this other person. After being together 7 years, we still have a very strong relationship together. We aren't actively looking for a person to bring into our relationship; its not the lifestyle that led us to the person, its the person that led us to the lifestyle. We have been meeting with this person regularly (non sexual) for about a month, and we all get along really well. My wife doesn't really consider herself bi, but does have an attraction to this person, as do I. She has a good mix of mine and my wife's interests, so both of us have something in common with this person on some level. We aren't extremely social people, so having this person in our relationship would allow us to enjoy our otherwise ignored interests.

Being such a big change to what we are used to, chances are it won't even happen, and I'm ok with that too. However, if we DO have the opportunity, I want to be sure that we are aware of as much as possible regarding what to expect.

Right now, we are just taking the 'let's just see what happens' approach, so nothing will be forced.


(I had to piece that together and I don't have the time to reformat, so sorry if the flow isn't there) :P
Lucky guy. Your wife wants to bring in another woman, while some other wives just want to screw another guy behind the loyal husbands back. Lucky @##$@ guy!!
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Old 07-02-2012, 02:12 PM   #15 (permalink)
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well this is different than your standard polygamy arrangement as the wife and the extra woman will also be "in love" with each other and be sexual etc

I'll just say that it is hard enough making a marriage work with 2 people, couldn't imagine 3, especially when their periods sync up
which they would eventually. That would be my man vacation. They can keep each other company that week. :P

I'm not even fully 'up' on the correct terminology, but polygamy is definitely not the right word to describe this. Even polyamory is too loosely defined. The best we've found is a 'triad relationship'. Regardless of what you call it though, it's as i've desribed it above.
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