My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..
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Old 07-02-2012, 04:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

My husband likes to go out once in a while with some friends, which i have absolutely no problem with. However EVERY TIME he does go out he says "Babe i wont be home late ill be home early" then he comes strolling in from 2am-4am. One time he even came home 7:30am and i was livid! Its not that i do not trust him because i do, its the fact that he makes promises to me and breaks them constantly. "baby i promise ill be home early" I feel as if maybe im not that important to him to keep a promise. Another thing is, he is easily influenced. Example: i was sick and we had a babys birthday to go to, so he went to bring a gift and said he PROMISES to be home early to be there for me. Some friends that were there (another married couple whos marriage is about nothing but partying and getting wasted) asked him to go to a club after the BABYS birthday when he said he dont know he had to discuss it with his wife (me).I explained to him that i usually dont mind he goes out but he promised me this time he would come home early and be there for me. He decides to go anyway. Next thing i know hes strolling in at 7:30am. And he gets mad at me for being mad at him saying im crazy and it was no big deal. So i feel like he is constantly putting other before me. they want him to go out and stay out late he does it. they want him to drink he does it.So what i want to know is AM i crazy? Am i wrong for feeling the way i do?

I dont know, i know a grown man/woman doesnt need a curfew, but if your a married couple there has to be some boundries. i just think a married man./woman has no business being out all hours of the morning when he/she has a wife/husband at home, alone waiting for them. Advice please?
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Old 07-02-2012, 05:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

His promises are worthless. So are his words, you need to look at his actions. If you feel his actions makes you feel unimportant then you are correct. This is not a man who acts married IMO. He acts like a college kid who wants to stay out and party and come home whenever he pleases. Time to put your foot down and in still some boundaries. He is walking all over you because you let him. Its ok to have boundaries in a relationship, you're supposed too. Its also ok to tell him NO once in awhile.
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Old 07-02-2012, 05:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

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i just think a married man./woman has no business being out all hours of the morning when he/she has a wife/husband at home, alone waiting for them.
Tell him this, but add that if he keeps doing it, he won't have a wife waiting for him at home anymore.

You are the only one who can maintain your boundaries. He knows nothing will happen if he strolls in at 7:30 in the morning.

Next time he wants to go out, say no. Remind him that the last time you said yes, he came home at 7:30 after promising to be home early, so he has proven that he can't keep his promises so you're saying NO now.
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Old 07-02-2012, 05:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

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Originally Posted by trey69 View Post
His promises are worthless. So are his words, you need to look at his actions. If you feel his actions makes you feel unimportant then you are correct. This is not a man who acts married IMO. He acts like a college kid who wants to stay out and party and come home whenever he pleases. Time to put your foot down and in still some boundaries. He is walking all over you because you let him. Its ok to have boundaries in a relationship, you're supposed too. Its also ok to tell him NO once in awhile.


And I'd like to add a P.S. to what trey has said. Does your husband have a tendency to "party" a bit too much too often; in other words, does he drink a lot more than the average guy? Does he come home trashed, or is he sober when he makes his early a.m. appearance?
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Old 07-02-2012, 05:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

He keeps breaking his "promises" because there are no consequences for his actions. He acts just like a teenager who hasn't gotten partying out of his system yet. Its real convenient for him to go out partying all night while you're home with a baby worrying when he may be home. He is being selfish and disrespectful. It sup to you what you will and will not tolerate.
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Old 07-02-2012, 08:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by trey69 View Post
His promises are worthless. So are his words, you need to look at his actions. If you feel his actions makes you feel unimportant then you are correct. This is not a man who acts married IMO. He acts like a college kid who wants to stay out and party and come home whenever he pleases. Time to put your foot down and in still some boundaries. He is walking all over you because you let him. Its ok to have boundaries in a relationship, you're supposed too. Its also ok to tell him NO once in awhile.
@trey69 your advice makes sense and is very helpful. Sorry for the delay in response I am new to this I've never signed up for a site like this. I need to work on putting my foot down and sticking lot my guns. I tell him what If is was me staying out all hours and he replies with "I'd hate it" well then don't do it right? Thank you for the advice it's well appreciated.
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Old 07-02-2012, 08:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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And I'd like to add a P.S. to what trey has said. Does your husband have a tendency to "party" a bit too much too often; in other words, does he drink a lot more than the average guy? Does he come home trashed, or is he sober when he makes his early a.m. appearance?
@prodigal no he doesn't get wasted or anything like that and he doesn't party or get crazy. It's just him saying he will be home early then show up 4am. I don't know what to do. Or how to come up with consequences.
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Old 07-03-2012, 03:26 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

Its not about curfew. Its about being held aco****able in your marriage. Marriage should be the most important relationship you have next to parent/child. Does he have a drinking problem?
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:32 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

He does not have a drinking problem. When we go out together he has a drink or two but thats it.
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:28 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

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Originally Posted by HarleyRose View Post
He does not have a drinking problem. When we go out together he has a drink or two but thats it.
Then perhaps there is something else thats keeping him out like this!
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:26 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

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he comes strolling in from 2am-4am. One time he even came home 7:30am
I've said it before... nothing open that late except some legs.

I'll add, no consequences, the bad behavior continues. Just like a child needs discipline, it sounds like your husband needs it too.

I'm less mature about things like this. After the 3rd time of me going off about it, the next time he went out I wouldn't be home when he got there. I would go get a room somewhere and not come back until mid-afternoon or so the next day. See what he says then.
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Old 07-03-2012, 11:33 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

Time to tell him this is unacceptable behavior. Are you ready to dish out a ultimatium? If so make sure you follow through with what you say.

If he crosses the line again after he knows how you feel, then you can either set his bags on the porch for him. Or you can pack yours and leave. Do you have a place to go if you choose to do that? Sometimes it takes something drastic to happen before someone will open their eyes and see the light, and even that is not a guarantee.

I think he is one of these people that all the talking in the world isn't going to do it, but maybe some action will.
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:56 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

@Trey69 i agree with you 100%, and I am ready to dish out an ultimatium. His behavior is not acceptable at all and I am tired of being tired. I think this will work. Actions speak louder than words and it is time i took action. I want to thank you very much for your wise advice, the best I've heard.
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Old 07-03-2012, 01:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

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Originally Posted by HarleyRose View Post
@Trey69 i agree with you 100%, and I am ready to dish out an ultimatium. His behavior is not acceptable at all and I am tired of being tired. I think this will work. Actions speak louder than words and it is time i took action. I want to thank you very much for your wise advice, the best I've heard.
Thanks! I think there are many people here who offer great advice too.

Please let us know how things are going. I'm curious to see what his reaction is once you put boundaries in place or if you give him a ultimatum.
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Old 07-03-2012, 01:10 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband stays out all night even when he promises not too..

someone needs to tell the man to stop reliving the glory days or frat boy days,grow up,and start acting like a real man and husband.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.I hope he responds positively to your discussion with him.
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