General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
A little background first. My ex-girlfriend (21), and I (25) dated for 3 months. It went really well, until she told me she wasn't sure she was ready for a relationship. We broke up a month and a half ago, and I went no contact with her for a little more than 3 weeks. I texted her a couple weeks back referencing an old inside joke that came up. We texted every couple days at first with me initiating the contact. Then she started to initiate about half of the texting.
Our conversations got longer and longer and nearly daily. It came out that we both missed each other, so I asked if she wanted to meet for coffee. She said yes. We then texted a bit the next few days. Sunday night she asked what I was doing for the night and then made it clear that she had yesterday off work. I asked if she wanted to get coffee this week and to let me know a morning when she was free. She said yesterday and wednesday with no work, but that she was probably free every morning. We made a coffee meeting yesterday morning.
It went pretty well. We talked for a little over an hour before I told her that I had to get to work. She made good eye contact and after the first 5 minutes of awkwardness, we chatted like old times. She even brushed my shirt once claiming there was a spider on it. She hugged me tight for a few seconds when we said goodbye. It felt like a little more than just a friendly hug you would have with friends. I say this because the hug when we first started the meeting was more light and friendly. Then she said she would talk to me later and we left. I haven't heard from her since. I know it's only been 24 hours, so I don't know if not hearing from her means much.
Anyway, I've been thinking about a few things that I can't seem to solve because I know I'm biased. First, she insisted on paying for both our drinks and pushed my card away when I tried to hand it to the guy. Is this a good thing, or more of her just trying to feel like she doesn't owe me anything? Does the buildup sound like she is more interested in putting me into the friend zone, or that she may still be interested? Would you hug an ex tightly for several seconds, or would you just hug them quickly and casually?
I also don't know how to proceed from here. Every article about getting your ex back pretty much leaves off what to do after the reunion date. Do I go back to no contact with her and wait for her to make the next move? Should I wait a few days and then ask about maybe meeting up again? What would be some good date ideas for another date?
I know this is long, I'm just really trying to figure out where I stand. I don't want to read too much into things, but I also don't want to miss out on potentially getting back with her if she is still interested. Thanks for your answers!
You're both adults and as the man, you need to take charge and lead this situation. You said you both missed each other during this time apart. Meet up again and discuss it. Don't waste time wondering what could be. If she says yes and you want to try, give it another go. If not, then you can move on and meet someone else when you are ready.
Thanks for your reply. I took your advice and I texted her tonight. I would have called, but we are both at work so I knew texting would work better. I told her that I had a good time with her yesterday and that we should do it again. She agreed that we should. Now I have to figure out what kind of meetup we should have. Wish me luck!
Thanks. I'm encouraged at the way this is going so far. I'm just going to enjoy her company and see where it leads. I will definitely try to update how it is going.
Your initial post sounds a lot like the EA that my fiancé got caught up in 2 years ago.
the texting with inside jokes and the "clear the air" dinner. It appears that he went on a full court press with her, treating her better than he treated me at the time (ie, pays her taxi fare while he can't even wait until I get on the bus to go home).
She did admit that she was doing online dating at the time and my fiance says that he was also aware that she was starting to see someone else steadily.
He finally realised that she was never going to be his girlfriend when he went in for the kiss and she rejected him.
So my advice to you is that if you want her to become your girlfriend, don't just throw money at her but also expect something in return. Ask her if she is doing online dating or if she's seeing anyone that she met in real life.
And by the second date, go in for the kiss (open mouth), if she rejects you then she's saying that she does not see you any more than "just a friend." Please heed that message. Women can happily burn up your text register with lots of texts and cutesy jokes; they will happily accept your money to pay for the times that you two get together*; they will even start telling you that other women aren't good enough for you (as this woman did), but they will still call you "just a friend," still see other men and cry foul if you get any more physical than a friendly hug.
Maybe this woman would like to date you. But don't give her too many chances and don't let her get in the way of other women.
*My fiancé told me that she did pay for that "clear the air dinner" so your exgf's insistence to pay that first time may have been for show.
A little background first. My ex-girlfriend (21), and I (25) dated for 3 months. It went really well, until she told me she wasn't sure she was ready for a relationship. We broke up a month and a half ago, and I went no contact with her for a little more than 3 weeks. I texted her a couple weeks back referencing an old inside joke that came up. We texted every couple days at first with me initiating the contact. Then she started to initiate about half of the texting.
Our conversations got longer and longer and nearly daily. It came out that we both missed each other, so I asked if she wanted to meet for coffee. She said yes. We then texted a bit the next few days. Sunday night she asked what I was doing for the night and then made it clear that she had yesterday off work. I asked if she wanted to get coffee this week and to let me know a morning when she was free. She said yesterday and wednesday with no work, but that she was probably free every morning. We made a coffee meeting yesterday morning.
It went pretty well. We talked for a little over an hour before I told her that I had to get to work. She made good eye contact and after the first 5 minutes of awkwardness, we chatted like old times. She even brushed my shirt once claiming there was a spider on it. She hugged me tight for a few seconds when we said goodbye. It felt like a little more than just a friendly hug you would have with friends. I say this because the hug when we first started the meeting was more light and friendly. Then she said she would talk to me later and we left. I haven't heard from her since. I know it's only been 24 hours, so I don't know if not hearing from her means much.
Anyway, I've been thinking about a few things that I can't seem to solve because I know I'm biased. First, she insisted on paying for both our drinks and pushed my card away when I tried to hand it to the guy. Is this a good thing, or more of her just trying to feel like she doesn't owe me anything? Does the buildup sound like she is more interested in putting me into the friend zone, or that she may still be interested? Would you hug an ex tightly for several seconds, or would you just hug them quickly and casually?
I also don't know how to proceed from here. Every article about getting your ex back pretty much leaves off what to do after the reunion date. Do I go back to no contact with her and wait for her to make the next move? Should I wait a few days and then ask about maybe meeting up again? What would be some good date ideas for another date?
I know this is long, I'm just really trying to figure out where I stand. I don't want to read too much into things, but I also don't want to miss out on potentially getting back with her if she is still interested. Thanks for your answers!
after she hugged you when she tried to pull away you should have pulled her back and gave her a long romantic kiss. and then a coy smile after. give her something to think about as she left!
I'm definitely proceeding with caution. I don't want to give her the chance to hurt me again. She texted this morning to say happy 4th and to have fun for her asked her why she can't have fun and she said because she has nothing going. I have a bbq at a buddy's place later this afternoon, but I told her we should do something before I go to that. We are going to lunch in a couple hours. Depending on how it goes, I will go in for a kiss.
I'm definitely proceeding with caution. I don't want to give her the chance to hurt me again. She texted this morning to say happy 4th and to have fun for her asked her why she can't have fun and she said because she has nothing going. I have a bbq at a buddy's place later this afternoon, but I told her we should do something before I go to that. We are going to lunch in a couple hours. Depending on how it goes, I will go in for a kiss.
Just don't invite her to the BBQ. There may be an eligible bachelorette there suitable for you.
You can always invite this "ex" something else another time.
With things not being clear between the two of you, what if you took her to the BBQ and she let another guy hit on her.
Thanks, happy 4th to all of you as well. I wasn't even considering inviting her to the BBQ. It is mostly my friends that she has only met a couple times. I figured it might be awkward for her and end up making the whole thing awkward. I liked having something to do after our date so that way we won't be tempted to let it run too long or get too physical too soon.
Lunch went well. She dressed up and put makeup on today. She rarely does this. She didn't even do it for the first date we ever had. The conversation went well. I still kept it clear of relationship talk, as it seemed a bit too soon to bring it up. When we left, we hugged and I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She kissed me back on the cheek, and then we had a few kisses on the lips. Just lips, but they were lingering kisses and not just pecks on the lips.
Well I was just texting her. I told her I enjoyed kissing her today, which may not have been smart on my part. She told me she did too, but that she just doesn't think that she is in the same point of life as I am. I guess I have my answer.
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Good Reunon Date With Exgf, now what? 
