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Just want to improve something in me so that I don't ruin my relationship.
I am married for few months. I met my husband few years back .
we had on again off again relationship before marriage.
before marriage our last break up was over a girl , his best friend , at that time single and I was unaware of his close friendship with her. The reason was that we , at that time part of a social group and we sign up for a particular event . just one day prior to the event he told me that he actually not going there but sign up for other event . I became upset and didn't decided not to go . He asked if it was because he was not going , I didn't answer , just said I didn't feel like anyway later on , I found out that he and his lady friend wanted to go on some other event and then end going some where else by themselves . and he told me about it after their outing .
later on we hooked up and he gave me the explaination that he did told me that he would go on different event , which I don't remember if he informed me and that the lady friend was enganged and now married to another guy .
I ignored the whole event and started dating again and then got married that lady friend landed in our apartment the morning after our wedding saying she wanted to give us ride to airport . I was not aware of her visit. My husband told me she asked him and he asked her not to come still she came . then on another occasion I asked my husband not to discuss some personal matter to any one only to found out him discussing it with her over chat .
any ways , now we moved from the city and she moved to europe one day I found out she wanted my husband to work on some project with her over internet . I asked my husband if he is working on it as he was already so busy with his work , he hardly has time for me . He told he was not working on her project . I made it clear that I didn't want any of her involvement in our life . Recently he was just up late in night working , he told me he had work to do .. on multiple times I noticed that she , who is now in europe is usually on line at that time . I asked my husband about it he got really made with me and said he didn't talk with her in months and I am having serious trust issues which I shouldn't have and there was nothing between them which should worry me .
after all that , I noticed some post on that lady's face book suggesting that if there is no trust one shouldn't continue relationship etc ...it may be just a coincidence .
My husband is really a sweet guy otherwise and I have no other complains what so ever . Am I over thinking on the issue and creating problems for him and myself . I really dont' want to hurt him saying such things ..
give me suggestion how to handle this situation in a better way
I don't think you are doing anything wrong considering you haven't really done anything yet. You've asked him to cease contact with this woman and he told you he complied. You haven't found any evidence to contradict what he told you.
There is nothing wrong with telling your husband how you feel about this woman, but it needs to be done the right way. If you go into the conversation accusing him of doing something wrong, the entire conversation is going to go poorly. Husbands and wives need to communicate and there is no good reason for him not to talk to you about this. However, if he tells you there is no communication between them, then you need to take his work until you have evidence to the contrary.
Did your husband ever date this woman? Was there ever anything romantic between them? What does your woman's intuition tell you?
He shouldn't put another woman above you and your feelings, but on the other hand, you shouldn't demand that he stop communicating with someone who is truly just a friend for no reason. What else is going on here?
What do you want to happen here? Do you want him to end this friendship? Are you feeling anxious over it? her? Have you told your husband how you feel?
Quote:
I noticed some post on that lady's face book suggesting that if there is no trust one shouldn't continue relationship etc
If he's cut off contact with her, what more would satisfy you?
I don't think you are doing anything wrong considering you haven't really done anything yet. You've asked him to cease contact with this woman and he told you he complied. You haven't found any evidence to contradict what he told you.
There is nothing wrong with telling your husband how you feel about this woman, but it needs to be done the right way. If you go into the conversation accusing him of doing something wrong, the entire conversation is going to go poorly. Husbands and wives need to communicate and there is no good reason for him not to talk to you about this. However, if he tells you there is no communication between them, then you need to take his work until you have evidence to the contrary.
Did your husband ever date this woman? Was there ever anything romantic between them? What does your woman's intuition tell you?
He shouldn't put another woman above you and your feelings, but on the other hand, you shouldn't demand that he stop communicating with someone who is truly just a friend for no reason. What else is going on here?
My husband denied any romantic relationship between them .. only I saw some pictures of them on different events , which other people took and it seems they were always togather on some remote spot away from people . .. I remember one caption from a fellow member where they labeled as mystery couple . any ways .. as it was before I came into his life I didn't care . my woman intuition is mixed I feel that the lady is a bit manipulative and like to be centre of attraction like to interfere . though I have never been in contact her too much , it is just the impression I got from few interactions we had before she moved away .
you are right when you say , whatever communication I should do , should be appropriate and shouldn't create further problems s. Thanks
I wonder why he did not date her, because it certainly does sound like there is some chemistry between them.
For your situation, I'd recommend making friends with her instead of trying to force your husband to give up something that matters to him. This lets you "know your enemy" so to speak, which gives you a chance to disarm things without conflict. For instance, you may learn that she is honorable in the way she is, and learn that she wouldn't be the type to ever have an affair. You might learn that she's exactly the type to hurt another couple's marriage. If you learn that, now you have a better reason to ask your husband to limit contact.
You can ask your husband to limit his conversations with her to times when it can be all three of you. Invite her to your home. Visit her when you travel. Join chat rooms to have talks, but agree that one one one contact - even chat - with people of the opposite sex are off limits in your relationship.
What do you want to happen here? Do you want him to end this friendship? Are you feeling anxious over it? her? Have you told your husband how you feel?
If he's cut off contact with her, what more would satisfy you?
Well, I am just trying to find a better way to handle this situation , where I could do best from my side. Marriage is not something that one should just give up. and I think One should work the best towards its success .
I did tell my husband about my feelings over this issue .
as far as his contact with her is concern . The problem is
in past , when we were dating , he cancel a date as she called him for some kind of help at her house . I was not happy I mentioned it to him so next time he cancelled agian but then didn't tell me what he was doing just told me that something came up , I only came to know about it by that lady herself on our wedding day. I asked my husband and he simply said that the lady needed help .
These days my husband do put some emoticons and likes etc on her face book pages . what other communication he has I dont know . I think I have anxiety that they are communicating just not telling me .
Honestly I wouldn't even care about it , if I don't see certain changes in opinion in our every day life , which I am afraid is a result of some influence from that lady . for eg ..some times back while moving from a different state . While he was working in the other state I was winding up our house by myself , I didn't have any help plus at that time I just lost the pregnancy only a month back with some surgical complications and had a active cellulitis going on. He was not happy with the job I did as I didn't bring certain things with me and then I did bring some things which I should have left behind and I didn't wipe dust on certain things . .. at that time the only person I know move the same way was that lady friend the only difference she was in perfect health and she left most of her things behind but yes her moving was very smooth and some other stuff like this ..
I asked my husband if he was doing a comparison , he denied .. I think , it is just the influence that lady has .. otherwise he is very helping and sweet and it honestly surprise me out of blue moon he said something like that which is totally out of his character .
I wonder why he did not date her, because it certainly does sound like there is some chemistry between them.
For your situation, I'd recommend making friends with her instead of trying to force your husband to give up something that matters to him. This lets you "know your enemy" so to speak, which gives you a chance to disarm things without conflict. For instance, you may learn that she is honorable in the way she is, and learn that she wouldn't be the type to ever have an affair. You might learn that she's exactly the type to hurt another couple's marriage. If you learn that, now you have a better reason to ask your husband to limit contact.
You can ask your husband to limit his conversations with her to times when it can be all three of you. Invite her to your home. Visit her when you travel. Join chat rooms to have talks, but agree that one one one contact - even chat - with people of the opposite sex are off limits in your relationship.
Thanks .. honestly I tried to be friends with her . It is just tough for me I think I need to change myself
What makes it tough for you? Remind yourself that it's someone who is very important to the man you love, and be open to finding out what he values, why she is worth liking, and so on. If you find that she's NOT likable, not a worthwhile person, then when she says things you disagree with, you'll have a chance to gently counteract her influence by voicing a different opinion at another time.
What makes it tough for you? Remind yourself that it's someone who is very important to the man you love, and be open to finding out what he values, why she is worth liking, and so on. If you find that she's NOT likable, not a worthwhile person, then when she says things you disagree with, you'll have a chance to gently counteract her influence by voicing a different opinion at another time.
My trust issues 
