General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 months, in that time we have been having sex almost every day. My girlfriend has mentioned a couple times she doesn't want sex to just become routine and boring. I've been out of town for a week and last night she texted me that she thinks we should wait a month before we have sex again.
This kind of through me off and for some reason it's really bothering me. A part of me feels insulted and another part questions our compatibility. I've gone long stints without sex while single. It just seems odd to me to ration out and hold off on sex.
Advice or opinions on the situation please. Is this not a big deal? Posted via Mobile Device
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 months, in that time we have been having sex almost every day. My girlfriend has mentioned a couple times she doesn't want sex to just become routine and boring. I've been out of town for a week and last night she texted me that she thinks we should wait a month before we have sex again.
This kind of through me off and for some reason it's really bothering me. A part of me feels insulted and another part questions our compatibility. I've gone long stints without sex while single. It just seems odd to me to ration out and hold off on sex.
Advice or opinions on the situation please. Is this not a big deal? Posted via Mobile Device
I'd find out why. Have a talk about it. TBH the whole thing sounds really odd to me, and I wouldn't be surprised if she gives you a long line of almost-legitimate sounding BS, but maybe she has an actual reason.
I think she's questioning where the relationship is headed, or else someone else has captured her fancy and she doesn't want to feel conflicted while she thinks it through or explores her options.
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 months, in that time we have been having sex almost every day. My girlfriend has mentioned a couple times she doesn't want sex to just become routine and boring. I've been out of town for a week and last night she texted me that she thinks we should wait a month before we have sex again.
This kind of through me off and for some reason it's really bothering me. A part of me feels insulted and another part questions our compatibility. I've gone long stints without sex while single. It just seems odd to me to ration out and hold off on sex.
Advice or opinions on the situation please. Is this not a big deal? Posted via Mobile Device
Dump her.
Never deal with any woman playing games with or manipulating you with sex.
Never deal with any woman playing games with or manipulating you with sex.
I repeat....dump her.
A-flipping-men!
To me, it's a betrayal of a relationship when someone, man or woman, uses sex to manipulate their partner.
You don't go from having sex daily to holding out for a month, that's not typical sexualized behavior.
Of course you should ask her why she wants to hold off, but something tells me it's not going to be plausible.
I've been seeing my GF for 18 months now, and we've had to do a few stints of no sex for up to a week due to travel or sickness. Typically, we're 5 to 7 times a week. We're early/mid 40's, btw...
When we can't have sex, we do continue to build our sexual tension. Flirting with each other, sexting, dirty pics, even FaceTime. As well as our regular communications, of course. At the end of a week, we're both ready to rip each others clothes off. I can't imagine going without for a month!
My guess... She's not that into you sexually. Possibly she's been "over-achieving" sexually to keep you interested in the relationship, maybe you're not floating her boat anymore... Nobody knows but her. In any case, I'd be very cautious about a long term relationship with her, if I was you. Even if she does back down on this idea, she's obviously willing to use sex to manipulate. If you somehow get locked into a relationship, you may see her true colors.
Let me throw my two cents in as an "Old Fashioned" guy.
First) whats wrong with waiting? Are you that insecure in your self esteem that you have to have your woman throwing herself at you everyday to feel manly? Let me shed some light, when you are married the rate of sex drops through the floor cause you both are busy fighting on different fronts as a unit. So, many times you are just flat out too exhausted to even think of doing the horizontal mambo.
Second) Back in my day that means the woman has some self respect if she has the ability to abstain from having to be physical to get a guys attention. She made a guy work to be able to have relations with her. This doesn't happen nearly as much. have you noticed how much today's men and boys look like slobs? this is cause the women of today don't make the guys work. They are too easy.
These days many people thing that this is weird or odd. No it is good. You should encourage her. Help her to find what she is looking for from this relationship and many times sex will get in the way of where this relationship is going.
In essence of my point, she want to make sure that this relationship is worth the time and effort. but then she might like the change in you and make you work toward marriage. And again there is nothing wrong with that.
I would say its fine for a person to save sex for that special person, even with waiting till the wedding night. I wouldn't personally be in a relationship like that, but I would respect someone's decision to do that.
What's not fine is to go at it like bunnies for 4 months, and THEN decide to slow things way down. That has shades of "bait and switch" written all over it. But maybe that's just my cynical attitude...
She really is worried that it's going to get old and stale at the rate you've been going. She may also be worried about being taken for granted. Two very legitimate worries I've heard women voice before.
So please don't leap to some of the paranoid conclusions that have already been suggested here.
Talk to her. If she's not worth a discussion to you, then I guess end it.
And BTW, if she's not worth at least a discussion, you two shouldn't be having sex anyway.
Let me throw my two cents in as an "Old Fashioned" guy.
First) whats wrong with waiting? Are you that insecure in your self esteem that you have to have your woman throwing herself at you everyday to feel manly? Let me shed some light, when you are married the rate of sex drops through the floor cause you both are busy fighting on different fronts as a unit. So, many times you are just flat out too exhausted to even think of doing the horizontal mambo.
Second) Back in my day that means the woman has some self respect if she has the ability to abstain from having to be physical to get a guys attention. She made a guy work to be able to have relations with her. This doesn't happen nearly as much. have you noticed how much today's men and boys look like slobs? this is cause the women of today don't make the guys work. They are too easy.
These days many people thing that this is weird or odd. No it is good. You should encourage her. Help her to find what she is looking for from this relationship and many times sex will get in the way of where this relationship is going.
In essence of my point, she want to make sure that this relationship is worth the time and effort. but then she might like the change in you and make you work toward marriage. And again there is nothing wrong with that.
They've been having sex almost everyday for almost 4 months, they did NOT wait to have sex.
Now she wants to wait 30 days after giving it up like it was going out of style.
I'd understand waiting if she had actually done that from the beginning, no point in changing horses mid stream now.
Well I can't just dump her and ditch her. We just signed a lease on a new apartment and have been living together for 2 weeks now. I will simply talk with her and attempt a compromise. I don't like having a woman manipulate sex, the situation has made me a little mad, but this is without a doubt the best relationship I've ever been in. Thanks for all the advice, she did say today she thinks sometimes I just use her for sex so I guess I need to show her I care for her and show her I appreciate her. Posted via Mobile Device
Well I can't just dump her and ditch her. We just signed a lease on a new apartment and have been living together for 2 weeks now. I will simply talk with her and attempt a compromise. I don't like having a woman manipulate sex, the situation has made me a little mad, but this is without a doubt the best relationship I've ever been in. Thanks for all the advice, she did say today she thinks sometimes I just use her for sex so I guess I need to show her I care for her and show her I appreciate her. Posted via Mobile Device
Well now isn't that interesting, she waits until AFTER you move in with her to a leased apt to tell you she wants to hold off on sex.
Do you not see that she essentially "trapped" you, she got you to commit using sex as her bait & now she's going to take away the bait.
As the very least she doesn't understand that men connect with the women they love through sex, time for her to understand that having sex is how YOU show you care & appreciate her.
If she doesn't understand the bonding that sex does in a relationship, I forsee many issues in your relationship going forward.
I understand and that is what we use to do to as a test try going a full month with out intimate contact. It is tough no kissing, no holding hands, etc. What this does is causes you to find other ways to connect on a more emotional level
In a healthy relationship you don't do this AFTER you have sex for 4 months.
That's like shutting the barn door after the horses get out, you don't go backwards.
Well I can't just dump her and ditch her. We just signed a lease on a new apartment and have been living together for 2 weeks now. I will simply talk with her and attempt a compromise. I don't like having a woman manipulate sex, the situation has made me a little mad, but this is without a doubt the best relationship I've ever been in. Thanks for all the advice, she did say today she thinks sometimes I just use her for sex so I guess I need to show her I care for her and show her I appreciate her. Posted via Mobile Device
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Withholding sex 
