Relationship help.

alaiamr · 12-03-2007, 02:12 PM

Hi,
My name is Mark and I'm new to the board so I thought I should introduce myself. I'll explain more and I would really appreciate any help. I currently live with my GF of 3 years and we have a 15 month old daughter. Our relationship is going straight down the toilet and I don't know what I can do to fix it. Neither one of us really has any friends outside of this relationship and all we do is stay home or do things together and the times I have wanted to do things for myself i was made feel guilty every time. She is a person that does not lie at all and when I say at all I mean it so every little lie that may come out of my mouth is a disaster. I have lied several times, one thing is I have never cheated or anything like that besides online porn couple of times. We have a great sex life and that is not an issue it's just lately things have been getting allot worse. I work from home 9am09pm M-F and only get 4-5 days off monthly. She doesn't work and is a stay at home mother and great one. One thing that is a constant problem she feels that her job is very hard and she gets no help from me with the baby. Throughout the day I come out play with the baby take her out 1-2 hours daily but she is still unhappy. We don't have allot of money to spend around and she will only go places if she can go shopping or somewhere that involves money. I work very hard to keep a roof over our head and food on the table but somehow that's not good enough. She claims she never gets a break even though the baby sleeps 1h daily and goes to bed at 7:30pm also she get some TV time when the baby is playing alone. I am a collector/skiptracer and my job is very stressful. I have changed numerous things about my self when we first got together that I didn't want to change and now I feel lost. I used to be a very social and outgoing person and she was the opposite she does not trust people and I don't think she ever will it stems from her father abandoning them when they were young. I know I didn't explain everything in detail and I there is so much I could write 10 pages I just wanted to know if anyone could offer any advice it would be very much appreciated.

draconis · 12-03-2007, 02:42 PM

The first thing I would look at is your job. That is the problem with you relationship. You work long hours almost every day of the week. She wants to spend time with you but can't. She feels like your mother and a single mom because you work so many hours. Your job makes you stressed. You hardly if ever see your child. You see litle of your GF.

She is right you should be spending at least an hour a day every day with your child. She deserves that.

You should still do minor things around the house too.

Can you change what hours you work say 6 am to 6 pm?

draconis

alaiamr · 12-03-2007, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

The first thing I would look at is your job. That is the problem with you relationship. You work long hours almost every day of the week. She wants to spend time with you but can't. She feels like your mother and a single mom because you work so many hours. Your job makes you stressed. You hardly if ever see your child. You see litle of your GF.

She is right you should be spending at least an hour a day every day with your child. She deserves that.

You should still do minor things around the house too.

Can you change what hours you work say 6 am to 6 pm?

draconis

One big problem is that my income barely pays the bills and we have debt that we both accumulated which forces me to work the hours I work I hate it as much as she does but I don't know what else I could do about it.

draconis · 12-03-2007, 03:48 PM

Have her get a part time job, You could find something better paying, Shift your hours if you can, cut your expense. There is plenty you can do it boils down to what do you want to do?

In my first marriage I thought working like crazy being the man was a solution to everything. That is part of the reason I got divorced. It is why I changed many things before getting with my second wife.

BTW we have 4 kids each work full time away from the house, she goes to college full time yet we have time togeher every week and never use a sitter outside of the fact my parents take the kids for a few hours a two days a week.

draconis

Nerka · 12-04-2007, 04:02 PM

I am sorry I added my problem in the wrong forum.

Explizite · 12-12-2007, 07:11 PM

Working like a crazy horse isn't the greatest way to show your beloved one how much you care about her. They need a lot of real attention, not only the money, or gifts. Pay her the attention she needs and everything will be solved by time.

draconis · 12-14-2007, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alaiamr

One big problem is that my income barely pays the bills and we have debt that we both accumulated which forces me to work the hours I work I hate it as much as she does but I don't know what else I could do about it.

I thought like you did once to I was always planning for the future until I got divorced then I realized sometimes you have to deal with the here and now to have a future.

draconis

kajira · 12-18-2007, 11:47 AM

Tomorrow is going to come whether we want it to or not. Personally, I am just trying to deal with one day at a time. Today!