General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Looking for advice from experienced people. I met my fiancé 3.5 years ago. In the beginning he told me that sex was not ever a big priority to him but with me it was different. I really turned him on. That lasted about 3 mos. the sex decreased rapidly. It was about 5 mos in and I was on his computer at his condo and I typed something in that brought up searches for m4m on Craigslist. I was not looking or had any thought of this whatsoever- I confronted him and that opened up a door to a lifestyle that we tried out together of swinging. He said he would like to b with another couple and he wanted to watch me perform. A few experiences in he admits that he is bisexual and I accept this as long as we only play together. Our sex life turned into him only wanting me when others were involved ( men or women). We never made love just him and I. Then he wants to see me with a guy with a big d**k. I tell him that is not what I want and I want him and I to reconnect. But I can't seem to do anything to turn him on. We got engaged jan of 2011 and moved in together oct 2011. After months and months of no sex......2 mos ago I go snooping in his computer and find that he has been emailing numerous of men off of Craigslist to give quick ******** after work on his way home to me or on his lunch hour. I confront him with copies of all these emails and he says nothing. Wouldnt talk. A few weeks later he emails me that it was all just a fantasy and it was only those few times. I search again to find the emails go way back to sept of 2011. So he lied on top of everything else. He swears hes not gay and is so embarrassed and wants it all to go away. But I am having the hardest time believing. I don't know what to do. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.
You know the answer to this. He's gay. He needs to face it and you need to face it. If you're looking for a healthy, committed marriage to someone you love and who loves you back, then don't marry this guy.
You can't fix him. He's very gay. You need to leave him immediately and possibly engage a counselor to talk to. You deserve happiness and a committed, heterosexual and monogamous relationship. You'll never get that from him. It will start as bl0wjobs, then he'll be meeting men in hotels for full anal and before you know it, he's going to bring home an STD to share with you. It's a fact that men who can't admit they're gay fail to use protection. Using protection requires foresight, which requires admission. Take these words seriously.
I wish you the best of luck, but like I said, you know the answer here.
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Re: Is my fiance gay? HELP
Whether he is gay or not is irrelevant, he is a cheater. As hard as it may be, you would be better off to leave him immediately. He is trying to pull you into a sexual life style that is repugnant to you, he has cheated and repeatedly lied about it. There really doesn't seem to be anything in this relationship for you.
Thank you very much for your replies...I need to face the facts. I have an 11yr old daughter(lives with us) and he has a 15 yr old daughter that lives with her mom. We had begun a new family and that makes ending things all the harder.
More insite on the situation-He swears he has NEVER done anything with these men, never met anyone, never had the courage to go through with it. He says it is just a fantasy he got caught up in, but now with the chance of loosing me he has realized it was a big mistake and I am the most important thing in the world to him. This makes it very hard to understand, I told him I would never tell a soul and he can go his way and I go mine but he said thats not what he wants....How do I make sence of all this?
Thank you very much for your replies...I need to face the facts. I have an 11yr old daughter(lives with us) and he has a 15 yr old daughter that lives with her mom. We had begun a new family and that makes ending things all the harder.
More insite on the situation-He swears he has NEVER done anything with these men, never met anyone, never had the courage to go through with it. He says it is just a fantasy he got caught up in, but now with the chance of loosing me he has realized it was a big mistake and I am the most important thing in the world to him. This makes it very hard to understand, I told him I would never tell a soul and he can go his way and I go mine but he said thats not what he wants....How do I make sence of all this?
Be honest.
"I don't believe you. I no longer trust you either." He can live there with you knowing that and hoping you will change your mind or he can pack a bag. There's no inbetween for this one. You can't unsee what has been seen with your own eyes.
Thank your stars you're not married yet. My only advice is to cancel the engagement and find a man who will love you and only you. You deserve no less!
"I don't believe you. I no longer trust you either." He can live there with you knowing that and hoping you will change your mind or he can pack a bag. There's no inbetween for this one. You can't unsee what has been seen with your own eyes.
Since it is MY house we live in, i did ask him to leave and he just keep begging to stay.
Knowing the story- do you think he has met up with men? or a fantasy as he says?
He is at least bi leaning heavy towards being gay. It may be he wanted to be with a woman (you) because of all the pressures of being gay from society, family, friends, etc --- but realized that he can't continue -- and is gay.
He just needs to be honest with you and most importantly -- honest with himself.
CPM,
Regardless of his sexual orientation, he has demonstrated to you that he has trouble staying in a committed relationship. It seems that his urges are just too strong for him to ignore. I'm sure it is hard to face the facts but it is much better that you take action now before the entanglement of marriage.
PLEASE DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN!
If you do, you are in for much of the same. You do deserve better. You deserve someone that wants you...exclusively. As for his explanations, I'm willing to be he's lying.
Thank your stars you're not married yet. My only advice is to cancel the engagement and find a man who will love you and only you. You deserve no less!
Thank you very much...I know I probobly sound really stupid with the questions I have and the situation I am in, but it is so hard to be on this side of this! I guess i know the answers but I needed to get some outside perspective. I am a smart woman and the most honest person also, thats why i cannot understand why he would continue to lie to me. I have begged him to just be honest, for my own sanity yet he stands by his denial. That could be the hardest part, always thinking that I messed up by not believing him.
Since it is MY house we live in, i did ask him to leave and he just keep begging to stay.
Knowing the story- do you think he has met up with men? or a fantasy as he says?
Girl open your eyes. You know the answer to your questions. Guys don't go on Craigslist and solicit as a fantasy. Craigslist gets it done. It's advertising... and YES he met them.
Look at it this way. Had you not followed up and found this stuff, he'd still be doing it.
BEHIND YOUR BACK. Pretending like everything was great. You only know this stuff because you found it out on your own. He didn't come to you and tell you.
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Is my fiance gay? HELP 
