General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I have to ask if there was nothing to hide why did you delete a facebook account. I am not choosing sides I just think deleting the account what is a strange reaction if there is nothing to hide.
As for what to do. Repairing trust takes a lot of work from both sides. Weather you're guilty or not guilty. Communication is key and counseling might be helpful
My husband deleted his Facebook account. He simply found no need for it. I don't see anything wrong with this. The lying is wrong however, but can be redeemed if honest from here on out. It may take a while to build up trust.
Although, I feel as if your being controlled. It doesn't justify lying, but I completely see why.
My husband and I do not have casual friendships of the opposite sex. I do have male friends on facebook from high school and from the Internet. I don't have private conversation with them, but I am a part of a couple groups. Pinterest is silly, I joined, but have no interest in it. Several people I do not know are following me with the few photos I posted of my pets. My husband has zero issues with this. He is secure enough not to accuse or drill me. He trusts me and is no where close to be controlling.
I think it's out of line accusing you of something you didn't do.
Calling yourself a scumbag is a bit harsh. We all lie at some point in our lives. Rebuilding the lost trust is your issue now. I don't think re-establishing FB is the answer, in fact I would stay away from FB, it causes too many problems in too many relationships and what is the point in going backwards? You just need to be honest with your hubby from here out and keep yourself away from any websites and networks that he could view as offering temptation to talk to other men. I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to have male friends but if it triggers your husband then why push it?
I say stay away, too. I should have known better, we've been together a long time. I am/have/are working on my lying problem. I spent 18 months going through the Celebrate Recovery 12 step program facing that as one of my issues. One of the reasons I joined FB was to keep in contact with my accountability partners. The male adds came later. Again I accept my tendency to lie from my 12 step program, but I do not cheat.
If you've been doing this a long time, it could very well be that he's just tired of it. This latest FB fiasco could (for him) have been the last straw. Especially if you're in a 12 step program. He probably feels like you're a hopeless case.
Either way, all you have left is how you treat him and conduct yourself from here on out. Your words mean nothing to him anymore.
I've offered to take a lie detector. He says that because I belive the lie I would pass anyway. He says the only way I can get his trust back is to tell the truth. But I've been doing that and because it doesn't make sense to him and is fairly benign, it can't be the truth.
Ask him to look into this (do some reading). I don't know if that you think something is true it will come off as a truth. Ask him to look at hypnotism too and see if that's also the case.
Basically tell him you'll do whatever to try and re-establish his trust. If afetr all of this, he doesn't believe you, the two of you should go your own ways
He has been accusing me of cheating for years. I was not a perfect girlfriend, but have always been a faithful wife. I take my vows very seriously, always have. More than my commitment to him, it was a promise to God and myself. It's hurtful that he doesn't see or believe that. He was emotionally abusive for years, but we worked past that. I forgave him, we moved on. I put up with his crap, I feel like he should put up with some of mine. I finished my 12 step program, but once you come to terms with what you are, you have to realize your tendency to relapse into that life. It's my admission that I am flawed.
Oh? It was listed as deleted and no searches have been able to find it. I could just sign up again under the same name and my contacts/friends/chats/messages would reappear? Would he still say that I just went through and deleted things/people?
Oh? It was listed as deleted and no searches have been able to find it. I could just sign up again under the same name and my contacts/friends/chats/messages would reappear? Would he still say that I just went through and deleted things/people?
Why give him the ammunition to get all worked up over the FB account again? Let a dead horse lie still as they say. It's like putting salt in an open wound and will accomplish nothing. As you said he will just accuse you of deleting people anyway.
He has been accusing me of cheating for years. I was not a perfect girlfriend, but have always been a faithful wife. I take my vows very seriously, always have. More than my commitment to him, it was a promise to God and myself. It's hurtful that he doesn't see or believe that. He was emotionally abusive for years, but we worked past that. I forgave him, we moved on. I put up with his crap, I feel like he should put up with some of mine. I finished my 12 step program, but once you come to terms with what you are, you have to realize your tendency to relapse into that life. It's my admission that I am flawed.
Well you may feel this way but it's obvious that he doesn't. So where does that leave you?
Personally I wouldn't stand for any of it. The abuse or the accusations. Nobody is worth suffering that.
I've told him that we just need to stop saying mean things to each other. Stop hurting each other. He asks for the truth over and over. I tell him there was nothing inappropriate, on FB or ever, and he gets enraged. We've been going on like this every day for more than a month now. I just want it to stop. I want my life back where it was a year ago.
Maybe your H was snooping on your FB activities, and saw things that crossed a line. Are you sure that you or these men didn't say anything that might have your H so spun up? Even something like a guy flirting and/or coming on to you, and you didn't put a stop to it?
Don't waste your time restoring your FB account. Your H knows that you can easily restore it and then delete the guys and their messages before you let him see.
its not whether you have men on your fb account or not...if you have something to talk about to another man when you are in a relationship on a friends-based or so called friends based network, then it shouldnt be in a private message. let it be in the open. i wouldnt have deleted it just because of that. he is insecure about something, maybe you have done in your past or have done since with him? or maybe he is just insecure about himself and is trying to be controlling over you? theres a reason for it.
Drop it. I wouldn't discuss it any further... the more you defend yourself the more guilty you come across, even though you're not guilty in the way he sees it.
If he doesn't believe you then that's really on him. If you have nothing to hide and you've been truthful, that's all you can do. It's up to him whether to believe you or not.
Your actions from here on out can show him you were being honest about these relationships. He doesn't trust your words, so you have to show him in what you do. No more hiding things, no more lies.
Correct me if I am wrong in the begging of this thread she said she had lied on different occasions. So it should. Be on her not him Just my opinion
Offer that he can re-establish your facebook account. He can invite your friends back and see the quality and topics of the messages they send. And then surely if you had a boyfriend online that boyfriend would contact you and he would see it ... but you know that there is no such boyfreind so the contact will never happen.
Have him open a fb account in his name too so you can 'freind' him and list him as your husband.
Offer him the passwords to all of your online accounts. Tell him he can check them anytime he wants.
Tell him that you are ok with him putting a keylogger on your computer so he can see everything you are doing online.
Tell him the truth and do not lie even if you think lying about some friendship would finally make him stop suspecting you.
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