Frustratedagain

Help! A little background here.....my husband and I had a huge blowout and he stated that he wanted a divorce. He left, ran off to his brother's house and a few days later agreed with me to get counseling. He discussed every detail with not only his brother and sister in law, but other distant family members of his and his MOTHER! Ugh! He insists that it is best that he sleeps at his brothers house until the counselor tells him he should come back home. However, he feels that he can come over everyday to talk, get sexually intimate and turn around and leave and go back to the brothers house. Seriously, does that make sense to anyone here? I think he is being persuaded by his family to not come back home and I am livid. Please, I need some insight on this. What do you think????

A Bit Much

Persuasion aside, if you don't want to feel used, then stop letting him back in. Give him an ultimatum and stick to your guns.

in my tree

He is completely out of bounds, imo. I can understand letting family know that there are problems, they are serious and that you two are working on them but he has broken your trust by letting his family into your marriage. The details do not need to be given to them and should be worked out in counseling.

Btw - are you really okay with him coming over for some nookie and then going back to his brother's place? Do you worry that he might give up those details as well? I personally would tell him not to come over and expect anything from you and that you will talk to him at MC. His boundaries are messed up.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

It sounds like he wants his cake and eating it too. I wouldn't put up with it. I agree that your being used.

4cku7

If he's still coming over and getting sex from you, then he has no reason to fix things. He has an escape when the arguing starts or at any time when he feels uncomfortable he can run to his brother's house. So he's essentially getting the benefits of a marriage without having to deal with the problems. Stand up for yourself and don't let him use you that way. Don't let him come over at all if the sex is too tempting. Talk at counseling or meet at a public place and give yourself a time limit with him. Cut off communication with him for a few days if you have to. Let him know you have your own life and things to do and don't let him control the situation.

Ten_year_hubby

Getting outsiders (other than a trained professional) involved in your marital problems is immature, disrespectful, unfair and obviously destructive. If my wife left and came back over sometimes, I would probably let her do it for a while, especially if she brought food or money. But I am a little challenged in the area of self respect

srtjm

What does your marriage counselor say about it?

daisygirl 41

I don't really see the harm in your H turning to his family for help and advice. Isn't that what families are for?
If you don't want him invading your privacy and having sex with you then tell him he can't!
He will cake eat as long as you let him.
Time to get tough!
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Frustratedagain

I haven't let him come back yet. I am going to tell him today that either he stays here or he stays there. But here is my question, if we are working on our marriage, why does he continue to sleep there?

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I do. My family is extremely nosey and opinionated to the point where it's unhealthy. They make false accusations and my marriage is none of their business no matter how good or bad it is.

Mavash.

He's cake eating and you are allowing it to happen.

Ten_year_hubby

Not really. Babysitting, household help, financial assistance, furniture and clothing, all these might be better choices for family members to provide over relationship advice

daisygirl 41

I suppose it's very individual. When my H had his A I needed the support of my family. But that exactly what they did, supported me. Now he's home, they still support me and the decisions I've made. I suppose it depends on the family.
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A Bit Much

Well you haven't told him that won't work. IF he wants to work on it, he has to do it from home. Period. He's doing the back and forth because he feels he can.

If he's serious about your marriage he needs to know he can't do it from anywhere else but his home. Running off to his family is a sure sign to you that he's says one thing and is doing another.

Jellybeans

Stop fcking him.

Seriously. What good is it doing? You need some boundaries. He's using you.

Tell him you are hurt by him sharing your intimate lives w/ others and about the act that he comes over, has sex with you and leaves again.

Time to have a serious discussion with him about your marriage.

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