General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
so my partner has been so far great to me, but i have been even greater to her with her situation and what I have to put up with. but thats ok. I do love her, really do.
I however did lie about my age only by 2 years. why? well its a long story but rather because of where I live and how people are. always quick to judge, always to put me down and ever give me a chance to do anything. I am actually far more intelligent and mature than the people of my real age and who are younger and even older than me!
thats why because I dont want the same crap to happen over and over where just because I am of a certain age or height, I get judged. I have always always had that.
how do I break the news to her?
it is common knowledge though, that women always lie about their age when dating
I fail to recognize how 2 years matters unless the two years mean 16 instead of 18 or 19 instead of 21.......
Regardless, you lied....but depending on how far you are into your relationship she may not care. But guaranteed she will doubt other things about you and question their validity....
i think the problem here is that you worry to much about what others think...are you living up to their expectations, or your own?
you dont need to lie about your age. how do you know that she wouldnt have accepted you regardless of that? but one strange otter is right. she will question you now about other things.
I fail to recognize how 2 years matters unless the two years mean 16 instead of 18 or 19 instead of 21.......
Regardless, you lied....but depending on how far you are into your relationship she may not care. But guaranteed she will doubt other things about you and question their validity....
Age stops making a difference after the age of, say, 18? How old are you, 12?
Wow, lying is never good. You better break it to her ASAP. The longer you wait, the worse it will be.
You simply can not start a relationship with lies, ever. Even the simplest smallest lies can lead to trust issues. You should of been honest and upfront from the start.
Good luck. It depends how forgiving she is as far is how she'll handle it, but the longer you wait the worse off you'll be for sure!
thanks.
well I have to disagree on a level that women DO lie about their age. they even admit it! so please, who says they dont is a liar
but seriously, I kind of said to her that I have something to confess and she said:
Quote:
I want you to be able to feel you can tell me things. At times I feel like you are holding back in our conversations. I want you to feel comfortable taking to me. After all I rant a lot and you always listen, I don't want this to be one sided. Please talk to me open and honest. Hope your having a good afternoon.
Miss you bunches!!
XOXO
I am of course just under 30 so its not like a legal thing. she is older (around 5 years) and is never been an issue even though we spoke about this right at the beginning. and age shouldnt matter but in my experience women always have this thing with age. even if you are one year younger or older they make a song and dance about it and be totally nasty about it. in my experience at least.
but she is different. I told her things I wouldn't normally talk about. she understands and cant believe why those things have happened to me. but nonetheless she has always said "my feelings for you havent changed. they wont"
the age is nothing compared to people who cheat or have hidden wives/husbands or kids and lie about it. give me some credit given my past and large negitive experiences.
Seriously, 2 years is nothing. Just explain why you lied. I honestly don't think she will fuss over the two years. Women live typically on average seven years longer than man, so if you think about it you will just get to be longer together
'women' is not a single entity, you know. So 'they' can't say anything. I don't lie about my age and I'm a woman. I'm 39, nearly 40. Fine with me.
It seems like women only lie to other women about age. I remember my mother's friends saying some weird crap about when women are too old to have kids. My mom stayed quiet about her age because she was easily 10 years older than anyone else at the table. Age is one of those things women seem to care about. Men just care about looks. Elvira is 60 years old, but she's still hot so it doesn't matter.
SOME women--as well as some men--are liars. So what?
You are the one who has made age an issue, by lying about it. At 30 you should be able to see that your younger self was pretty immature--forgive that error, 'fess up NOW (yes, the longer you wait the worse it will be), and accept the consequences.
Your explanation for lying sounds like "other people made me do it," which comes across as really immature. Saying, "I was stupid and made a poor choice because I wanted to impress/embarrass/seem smarter than others [or whatever]" is taking ownership of your actions. 'd lean toward the latter explanation, because no one wants to hear their 30 year old boyfriend say, "But he MADE me do it!"
I thought you were going to say something more monumental like you had a same sex experience in the past or that you were arrested for something long ago.
Your age difference with her is minor. Lying about it actually makes you seem immature and younger. The age difference is nothing, but the way you handled it isn't very grown up.
Also, just because others do things that are far worse is NEVER a good reason to minimize what you've done. Your lie isn't on the same level as infidelity of course. But you don't have to compare what you did to something so extreme like adultery either.
Tell her the truth and keep telling her the truth. That's the only way you'll make the relationship work.
im actually quite shocked at the responses from a community that is meant to be supportive.
you dont know my past or what ive been through or how things are, then you have the audacity to judge. that is immature there, not me.
you do realise that you arent "perfect" yourselves yes? so please, dont be hypocritical.
i was asking for advice, not judgemental statements or anything. i dont think i deserve that to be frank since I dont do that to anyone else. no matter what I do, damned if I do and damned if I dont.
ok.... nevermind. sometimes I wonder why I bother or even why I am breathing to be frank.
3Likes
so ladies, how do I break the news? 
