Nerka

Hello,
My name is Niki and I am new to this site but I wanted to get some advice from you guys.
I have been dating Ivo for 8 years and we got engaged a year ago. We are planning our wedding for April 2008.
Ivo and I are fine when we are alone and if I initiate the conversations or anything. As soon as I mention something that is wrong or if I don't like about him he tells me it’s my fault and I need to change. He never wants to talk about what is going on with him or anything. His brother and his mother don't like me for some reason and his brother does things to make me mad all the time. I try to ignore the whole situation but it’s not helping at all. He always give attention and responses to everyone, even when they are silly but when I say something he just ignores me and doesn't say anything. When I bring that up to him he says that is not true and I am imagining things, he tells me it’s my fault. What do I do? I would really love to get some advice!!!!
Thanks -N

evenow

What type of advice are you looking for?

Men don't tend to change in marriage. Neither do in laws. Would you be happy with this relationship for the rest of your life?

draconis

Both the above are very intelligent and important questions.

The problem may be that he wants the relationship to run on cruise control while you do all the work.

draconis

Nerka

I am looking for a advice that will help me know how to talk to him. He is just pulled back when it comes to his family and he never wants to see their mistakes.

I told him the same thing, about wanting me to do all the work in this relationship and he just says where I find these things.

We got in a fight on Sunday and he has ignored my called. I went to see him at work and he said he just thinks this is over because he can't deal with me. He is just running from facing the reality about his family.

How do I get him to see what he is doing?

draconis

Sounds like he doesn't put much into the relationship and as far as he is concerned you will always come second to him. Maybe you are better off with someone that will treat you better.

draconis

Nerka

I love him so much and I know he loves me too but he just has a problem showing it and standing up for me.
I really don't know what to do.

draconis

He has already said that he is done with you. I would think because you are not a push over. He is looking for someone that will deal with anything he hands them from the sounds of it.

You say that you love him, do you or have you just invested so much into the relationship that you are afraid to let go?

draconis

Nerka

I do love him no questions asked, I would do anything for him but also I know I invested so much into this relationship and I think he ows us maybe going to talk to someone. Since its hard for him to listen to me, to see what I am telling him.
I feel like he needs someone from the outside, who doesn't know neither of us and tell him to wake up and snap out of it.

Nerka

Okkk, I tried calling him so many times and he just ignores me. He picked up once for a sec and told me he is busy and can't talk. I called him again later when I know he is home and he just ignores me. How can someone be so called? After so many years being with me I thought he cared more then this?
HELP What do I DO?

evenow

I really wanted to respond to this. You can't make a person see or do anything they don't want to. It doesn't matter how true, visible or important a situation is, sometimes people see things as they need to and not as they are.

This may be hard but you need to stop calling him. He knows you called. He's avoiding you. If/When he deigns to talk to you he'll call.

He's probably mad that you keep standing up for yourself. Talking about issues and not ignoring them. Not accepting the blame from things that aren't your fault.

Do you really want to be with someone that will treat you like this when you have done NOTHING to deserve it?