I hope that it's ok that I post here. I'm not married but me and my girlfriend have been together for over a year now. We recently took the plunge and decided to give moving in together a try. Quite possibly a mistake in hindsight. Her thoughts on that are that you don't know till you try. I agree to some extent. It hasn't been easy. She has extreme mood swings and horrible with money. She has a good paying job and can get paid on Friday and be in the hole by Monday. Anyways the reason that brought me here.
We've had a back and forth relationship. Meaning she quite often times is undecided about us and will start to say were not meant long time. Then of course a lot of other times it's I want to marry you one day. Basically the way things work is everything will be good and we will be getting along just perfectly and in a matter of minutes she will erupt talking about everything she is unhappy about. She says she always has these feelings just usually she can suppress things and we can live our lives without issues.
One such event happened yesterday. All weekend it had been "I love you" and things of that nature. Then yesterday morning we were lying in bed watching a TV show and she all of a sudden said "you don't pay attention to me".."your not attracted to me" I asked her how she came to that conclusion. She didn't really have much a response just said that while she was in the pool and I was working on the fence she was doing things to try to get my attention the day before.
ok I have to break right there and explain something. When I was working on the fence she was taking her rabbit for a walk all the way at the end of the yard (we have a big yard) These types of things happen pretty frequently where how things happened has been warped and even sometimes conversations that honest to god never existed.
So I made mention of that to her and told her that when she did get in the pool I was right in the pool with her for the entire time. She didn't have anything to say to that.
So after that short conversation she went and did a couple of things and we laid back down in bed and started talking about it. She says she just needs to breathe. That she doesn't feel connected to me. She then abruptly stood up and got dressed grabbed her daughter and went to her mom's from about 12:30-9 before coming back home. She got home and we had a long conversation about some things. She said I'm not as confident as I used to be and she says she loves me but she's not in love with me. I asked her what she wanted to do about this and she replied with I don't know at this point "I just give up and handing it over to the gods to decide"
I made mention of a few things that I have made mention of previously. Which is how she talks very flirtaciously (sexually) with some of her guy friends. She says it's not big deal and all that matters is intent. I personally think it's a lack of respect to do that when with someone. She says she wishes I would go out and flirt some because she likes to feel jealous even though it will make her mad at me. I'm not that type of person. I don't need to flirt or be jealous.
I don't understand where she gets the thing of I don't pay attention to her. I won't dispute that she feels that way but I do disagree. I mean I'm constantly touching her or stroking her hair or telling her how beautiful I think she is.
In all honesty this is what I think the current problem is caused from. Me and her got together a few months after she had broke up with a boyfriend she had been together with for 2 years. He had emotionally beat her down and she had became severely depressed. Anyways this past week he resurfaced on facebook. She of course messaged him several times. He hadn't been responding till today. She tells me that she only messaged him about his parole officer. I don't know how it works and I am now trying to find out if he's violating parole. She allowed him to keep saying he lives here when he in facts lives in another area of the state a couple hours away. So she says she is only talking to him if he asks her. I happen to know that's not the case. She also has a second facebook profile that she says she keeps just to vent. She added him on it. I can see the friend's list and even upon mentioning to her that I know he's on there she lies straight to my face and says he isn't. She told her oldest daughter last week that this ex had sent her a friend request. Me and her daughter have been talking about it some because she's worried to death her mom is going to break up with me and go back to him. In all honesty I also believe that is what is going to happen. I'm hoping not but I don't really know how to fix this situation.
She doesn't seem to understand the amount of stress she's put on me with her behavior and not to mention having to figure out how to support a family of four on one income. If any of you have any suggestions on how to fix this I would really appreciate it. I know from the way I make it sound it sounds like a horrible relationship but in all honesty when things are good they are great and I really don't want to just walk away from this just yet without knowing that I did everything that I possibly could.
sorry this is so long but thank you for your time
We've had a back and forth relationship. Meaning she quite often times is undecided about us and will start to say were not meant long time. Then of course a lot of other times it's I want to marry you one day. Basically the way things work is everything will be good and we will be getting along just perfectly and in a matter of minutes she will erupt talking about everything she is unhappy about. She says she always has these feelings just usually she can suppress things and we can live our lives without issues.
One such event happened yesterday. All weekend it had been "I love you" and things of that nature. Then yesterday morning we were lying in bed watching a TV show and she all of a sudden said "you don't pay attention to me".."your not attracted to me" I asked her how she came to that conclusion. She didn't really have much a response just said that while she was in the pool and I was working on the fence she was doing things to try to get my attention the day before.
ok I have to break right there and explain something. When I was working on the fence she was taking her rabbit for a walk all the way at the end of the yard (we have a big yard) These types of things happen pretty frequently where how things happened has been warped and even sometimes conversations that honest to god never existed.
So I made mention of that to her and told her that when she did get in the pool I was right in the pool with her for the entire time. She didn't have anything to say to that.
So after that short conversation she went and did a couple of things and we laid back down in bed and started talking about it. She says she just needs to breathe. That she doesn't feel connected to me. She then abruptly stood up and got dressed grabbed her daughter and went to her mom's from about 12:30-9 before coming back home. She got home and we had a long conversation about some things. She said I'm not as confident as I used to be and she says she loves me but she's not in love with me. I asked her what she wanted to do about this and she replied with I don't know at this point "I just give up and handing it over to the gods to decide"
I made mention of a few things that I have made mention of previously. Which is how she talks very flirtaciously (sexually) with some of her guy friends. She says it's not big deal and all that matters is intent. I personally think it's a lack of respect to do that when with someone. She says she wishes I would go out and flirt some because she likes to feel jealous even though it will make her mad at me. I'm not that type of person. I don't need to flirt or be jealous.
I don't understand where she gets the thing of I don't pay attention to her. I won't dispute that she feels that way but I do disagree. I mean I'm constantly touching her or stroking her hair or telling her how beautiful I think she is.
In all honesty this is what I think the current problem is caused from. Me and her got together a few months after she had broke up with a boyfriend she had been together with for 2 years. He had emotionally beat her down and she had became severely depressed. Anyways this past week he resurfaced on facebook. She of course messaged him several times. He hadn't been responding till today. She tells me that she only messaged him about his parole officer. I don't know how it works and I am now trying to find out if he's violating parole. She allowed him to keep saying he lives here when he in facts lives in another area of the state a couple hours away. So she says she is only talking to him if he asks her. I happen to know that's not the case. She also has a second facebook profile that she says she keeps just to vent. She added him on it. I can see the friend's list and even upon mentioning to her that I know he's on there she lies straight to my face and says he isn't. She told her oldest daughter last week that this ex had sent her a friend request. Me and her daughter have been talking about it some because she's worried to death her mom is going to break up with me and go back to him. In all honesty I also believe that is what is going to happen. I'm hoping not but I don't really know how to fix this situation.
She doesn't seem to understand the amount of stress she's put on me with her behavior and not to mention having to figure out how to support a family of four on one income. If any of you have any suggestions on how to fix this I would really appreciate it. I know from the way I make it sound it sounds like a horrible relationship but in all honesty when things are good they are great and I really don't want to just walk away from this just yet without knowing that I did everything that I possibly could.
sorry this is so long but thank you for your time