I think giving his rent money to the support of his child is an excellent idea.
Has the mother of the child made any move to get child support?
If not why not?
This is another thing that will force him to grow up.
Originally Posted by thebuckest
and yeah i already know Tacoma i have to tread lightly the wife is super defensive of her two boys. we have talked about it and i have told her its an issue cause its not fair to me that i have to raise the kids but cant discipline them as i would my own but i have to treat them the same? she agreed and has gotten better but i think she fears him moving out and loosing him. Ive told her he doesnt make enough to survive on his own and that he would have to come crawling back and be man to get back in the house but she still fears it. And when he graduated he was told you work or you go to school, if its school im behind you 100% if its work then as long as your being responsible still behind you 100%. But going to ur buddies every night to hang out when ur daughter is over moms constantly isnt going to work.
Ok I am obviously projecting here but I want to stress my earlier warning again.
I was in your same position less than a year ago (minus the fathering a child part).
I spent 4 years being as compassionate, understanding and communicative as I could about my need to get the boy standing on his own.
The reason I frequent this board is because I was searching for knowledge I could find in places like this 4 years ago to avoid the destruction of my marriage over the problems with my step-son.
I was not perfect but I was as close as any could be.
I got what I wanted and now my marriage hangs from a fine silken thread regardless of all my pre-emptive attempts to avoid marital problems over this.
Please notice the highlighted above in your quote.
My wife was telling me she was totally on board for 4 years as I wondered why plan after plan after plan failed over and over again to get the desired result.
I`m good at understanding, planning, and executing but I was in denial about my wife.
She would one moment agree with me entirely about what we were going to do with her son and would then go to him and undermine everything we just agreed upon.
She manipulated him and I into pretty much hating each other.
This wasn't her intent but it was the result and now only I know the truth, he`d never believe it.
At one point she told me not to get him a job at my company because he`d embarrass me and get fired..
He asked for a job I went against her wishes and gave him an application.
He never filled it out or spoke with HR.
This created a lot of animosity from me towards him.
Come to find out she told him behind my back not to take the job because I was an ******* to work for (He wouldn`t have been working for me he would have been working in another department).
She did a multitude of little things like this that nearly destroyed the kids chances and definitely destroyed any relationship I could ever have with him.
I`m not blame shifting, this is entirely her fault no way around it.
So, PLEASE be wary of your wife.
Pay attention to her actions not words.
When you agree upon a course of action with the kid with her does she initiate that action on her own or only after you`ve harped on it?
Is she enabling him behind your back?
When you start getting this rent from him pay attention to where he`s getting the money, from her maybe?
Mine did that as well.
This is a minefield and you`re already too deep into it to get out unscathed.
Just try to avoid the big ones and keep an eye wide for the not so obvious ones.
I wish you luck, you have my deepest sympathies.