General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
In the year we've been married we've had our separate accounts (even different banks) and discussed keeping it that way. Some people think it's a perfect way to hide expenses but I've also been told it's good so nobody will control the other. What do you think?
Why wife and I have a joint account, but we also have our own separate accounts. The joint account is mainly for paying bills etc. The separate accounts are more for us buying our own stuff. If she wants to go shopping, or I want a new set of golf clubs, things like that. That way we're not dipping into the joint account which is mainly used for bills and such. However, she sees my bank statement and I see hers, so its not like we are hiding anything or buying things we shouldn't etc. I do think it could be easy though, for some people do do that.
My husband and I have never had a joint account. Our accounts are the same ones we had for 10 years before we met.
I like managing my money. I earn it, I want to manage it. He manages his. We split household bills and are BOTH responsible so I never worried if he'd uphold his end of the bargain. We take care of our bills, we never want for anything, and if one of us needs money, the other never hesitates to give it. We see our paystubs monthly.
I like it and wouldn't want it any other way. And people can hide money whenever they choose. They can get separate accounts that you'd never know about.
Either you trust your mate or you don't. If you don't, then a joint bank account is the least of your problems.
We have joint accounts. We have for about 5 years now. I actually prefer it to having separate accounts, but just because it works easier for us. We are both on the same page financially, so its helpful for us to be able to throw all the money in one big pot and do what we want to do with it together. For us specifically, I think it encourages more communication, which is always a good thing. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer though. Just what works for you and what doesn't. :-)
Why wife and I have a joint account, but we also have our own separate accounts. The joint account is mainly for paying bills etc. The separate accounts are more for us buying our own stuff. If she wants to go shopping, or I want a new set of golf clubs, things like that. That way we're not dipping into the joint account which is mainly used for bills and such. However, she sees my bank statement and I see hers, so its not like we are hiding anything or buying things we shouldn't etc. I do think it could be easy though, for some people do do that.
Right, if anything we'd get it to pay bills. We briefly discussed just having a joint emergency account in case something were to go down. I'm still iffy on that.
In the year we've been married we've had our separate accounts (even different banks) and discussed keeping it that way. Some people think it's a perfect way to hide expenses but I've also been told it's good so nobody will control the other. What do you think?
Control? What about being a partnership and team together?
I've heard arguments both ways. For example, how do the "joint" bills get paid? 50-50? Is this marriage going to be about "him" and "her" or about "us"? Who pays the children's expense once they enter the picture?
My H and I had a joint account for many years. We both deposited our check into the same account and paid the household expenses out of it. We were aware of the budget at all times, and nothing was said about keeping a little spending money on personal items. In short, it worked for us because we were a team, had the same goals, and were always aware of where the money was going.
A friend of mine had separate accounts with her spouse. He would pay the rent and utilities, she would pay for groceries, he made 4x what she made. Problem was as time moved on, since he made more, he would spend lots of "his" money on himself, while she would have to get part time jobs for "extras" like things for the house, things for the children, repairs on "her" vehicle etc. There was no "we" in their marriage. After many years of this, they are no longer together.
So really it all depends on your goals as a couple.
My wife and I merged our accounts when we got married and have kept joint accounts through out almost 14 years of marriage. We never considered doing it any other way. For us, we are a team that works together, and having joint accounts was part of it. Part of that is discussing finances and figuring out where the money will go.
I think a lot has to do with you and your spouses comfort. What level of transparency, control and independence do you have to have regarding money. I disagree slightly with that_girl about the issuing being either trusting your spouse or not. My wife and I trust each other, but there are things the other could do that we would not approve of. Rather, there are things that we each need to keep us comfortable in our marriage. It comes down to figuring out for you what you need with respect to this issue.
My husband and I have never had a joint account. Our accounts are the same ones we had for 10 years before we met.
I like managing my money. I earn it, I want to manage it. He manages his. We split household bills and are BOTH responsible so I never worried if he'd uphold his end of the bargain. We take care of our bills, we never want for anything, and if one of us needs money, the other never hesitates to give it. We see our paystubs monthly.
I like it and wouldn't want it any other way. And people can hide money whenever they choose. They can get separate accounts that you'd never know about.
Either you trust your mate or you don't. If you don't, then a joint bank account is the least of your problems.
Same here - separate accounts. We split the bills. My car is in my name and I pay for it, his is in his name and he pays for it. We split the house and child bills. It's worked for us for 11 years!
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~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
A friend of mine had separate accounts with her spouse. He would pay the rent and utilities, she would pay for groceries, he made 4x what she made. Problem was as time moved on, since he made more, he would spend lots of "his" money on himself, while she would have to get part time jobs for "extras" like things for the house, things for the children, repairs on "her" vehicle etc. There was no "we" in their marriage. After many years of this, they are no longer together.
I saw this with a couple as well. My wife and I would go out to dinner with them, and we paid ours together from our joint credit card, while they would split their bill on their separate cards. I always thought it would be difficult to have separate accounts where one person makes significantly more than the other, but this worked for them, so whatever.
I saw this with a couple as well. My wife and I would go out to dinner with them, and we paid ours together from our joint credit card, while they would split their bill on their separate cards. I always thought it would be difficult to have separate accounts where one person makes significantly more than the other, but this worked for them, so whatever.
Things got rather bazaar in the marriage of my friend because of this situation. Naturally appliances break down. Since he had spent all his extra funds on himself, they had no savings. She would have to get a second job to replace an appliance because he wouldn't worry about it. Since he was paying the rent and utilities, he felt that was enough.
Sometimes she needed money for gas. He would "loan" it to her with expectations that she would pay it back (which she did).
We have separate accounts. Always have, always will. His paycheck is direct deposited into his account, and mine is direct deposited into my account. The only things we hold jointly are his car and our house. My car was purchased before we got married, and only has my name on it.
He's responsible for paying x,y,z bills each month, I'm responsible for paying a,b,c bills each month. Whenever we have an event that effects our budget we sit down and calculate out who will pay which bill with the new expense added in. Example: He pays the mortgage, I pay for daycare... when we had our second child and daycare costs increased we sat down figured up our income and expenses and re-divided the bill responsibilities.
If there's ever a time that one of us is short on cash for some reason we'll write each other a check, no questions asked. It doesn't happen oftern, but occasionally an expense will come up that we weren't anticipating, and then we just hand the other person the money to cover the expense.
For me it's about what's easiest and what works, trust or anything else shouldn't really come into it. We want to save up for a house, car and holiday and it makes sense that we both contribute into one account, in which case it may as well be a joint account. At the same time it's easier for me to manage my finances (and hers) if I have complete control over what's going in and out of my main account. Hence in my marriage we have our own seperate accounts as well as a joint savings account.
Things got rather bazaar in the marriage of my friend because of this situation. Naturally appliances break down. Since he had spent all his extra funds on himself, they had no savings. She would have to get a second job to replace an appliance because he wouldn't worry about it. Since he was paying the rent and utilities, he felt that was enough.
Sometimes she needed money for gas. He would "loan" it to her with expectations that she would pay it back (which she did).
As an outsider, I just shook my head.
The whole "loaning" money to your spouse thing just seems... odd. We have separate accounts, but it's still "our" money, I'd be pissed if hubby expected me to pay him back if he needed to help me cover an expense out of my accounts.
Yea, we don't "loan" money to each other. Although, if it's for 'fun' stuff, then yea, I want some money to buy fun stuff too! Our funds are limited that way.
My parents had a joint account and seeing how my dad allowed things to go downhill (he made 90% of the household income) when their marriage went sour also ruined her credit. I might bring it up with the hubby once he comes over.
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Join bank account = good or bad idea? 
