I have been married for 7 years unhappily for 3-4 years. We lived close to my family in a very large city for the 1st six years of our marriage. After 3-4 years of being married I starting noticing all the little things that just made me not want to be with my wife. I tried to talk to her several times and expressed my feelings. I also wanted her to tell me what I could do to change to make things better. Unfortunately nothing changed. I'm not proud of what came next, but I had an affair. It was a short lived affair with another married woman. I kept telling myself things would get better, but they never did. I had a good friend who just had a child and seemed so happy, so my wife and I talked and decided to have a child. So we had a boy. Things were great for several years. Maybe because I just ignored the things that previously bothered me. Well things were going great until just last year. I began to get frustrated and depressed again. I kept telling myself it would be better to divorce, but I couldn't go through with it. We ended up moving across country closer to my wife’s family. After being here for almost 2 years again I had an affair. This time things got really out of hand. First mistake was having another affair. Second mistake was having an affair with a coworker. The third mistake was trusting this person and letting my emotions get the best of me. I guess I deserve what came of the entire situation. We ended up having a very intimate relationship for close to 8 months. She actually had a boyfriend of 7 years, so was cheating as well. Well, eventually her boyfriend found out and of course was very disturbed by the entire situation, but very shortly after finding about us, he proposed to her and she accepted. She then came to me and told me things needed to stop. So things stopped for a brief period of time, but then things started back up. We started sleeping together again without her boyfriend knowing or my wife knowing. Things began once again to get very serious and talk of breaking off her engagement and me getting divorced was common talk. We both “loved each other”. Supposedly! About 1-2 months after getting back together, low and behold, she got pregnant. She hadn’t been having sex with her fiancée, because she told him she really wanted to wait until after marriage. Just so everyone knows I hadn’t been having sex at home with my wife either. So once we found out she was pregnant, talk began to get much more detailed, including my divorce, her breakup, us moving away, getting married, buying a home, etc… Things were very complicated but she continually told me she “loved me” and I loved her. Well, her fiancée of course found out about her being pregnant and we thought that would drive him away. But it only made him more and more determined to marry her and be with her, which I thought to be quite stupid. But obviously I’m not the smartest kid on the block. We were going to keep things a secret until later, but she eventually told her family and friends outside of work. To make a long story a little shorter, her family and friends encouraged her to leave me, be with her fiancée and let him raise my child. Of course I have been in a state of awe since this all happened. I feel absolutely horrible I let this all happen. I’m upset that I will have a child that I will never see and never be able to raise. I also feel betrayed, probably just as much as my wife would if she knew what was going on. I really felt that this woman loved me, I guess I got played. Not only have I been angry and confused. I have been very depressed. To the point where I have been suicidal and have even thought out different ways of making it look like an accident so that my wife and kids can get my life insurance policy. I don’t know why I am posting this other than I have absolutely nobody to talk to. I guess by me posting this it allows me to vent and just maybe someone will respond with some useful advice. Thanks
First thing first, no matter how bad you think your life is, It is never worth it to kill yourself. Seek a health professional NOW. You can fix your life and see that some good can come out of it. Plus you have a child in your house that NEEDS you and a wife that has stuck with you.
But the depression needs to be dealt with. You know that or you never would have posted here. You are smarter and stronger then you believe.
I urge you to call and speak with a professional right away. Suicide will only cause more pain in the lives of people that care about you. Your problems will not always be this bad.
Here are a few websites I found with suicide hotlines, you can also call 911 or get yourself to your nearest emergency room, and they will help to get you into a psychiatric facility where you will be safe.
Life is a great gift and no matter what happens, you don't have to kill yourself and to cause pain to the people who care about you! There's always at least two options to solve a problem, and your problem isn't an exception!
Are you religious at all?
Maybe this would be a good time to embrace a spiritual place.
Ask for forgiveness.
Start all over again.
If your wife doesn't know about what you've done, saddly expect the worst.
It may be better off that you cut ties with her and the mistress and focus on getting yourself to a "good" place again.
6 months to a year in a different city, in an apartment or townhouse...perhaps talking to a spiritual leader-a reverend-a decon-a priest.
After you've detoxed and have let things cool down then itd be a good idea to talk to your wife again.
Shes the woman that's been there thru all of this, you have a son with her--not to disregard the other woman with your other child but deal with the child you have NOW. This child is here, its involved, it NEEDS you.
I hope that your wife will accept a separation for you to get yourself better.
As for the other woman, I wouldn't push it with her. If she wants to let other people tell her what to do (her parents telling her to be with this fiancee) then leave it. Tell her that you want to take responsibility for the child, you want to be a father in some way.
Then I'd leave it-let her and her fiancee decide how to work out some kind of custody if youre so adamant to be with that child.
But like the other people said, if you cant afford professional help, I highly suggest walking in to a sanctuary and asking for a meeting with a pastor for guidance. I think you'll feel enlightened and better about yourself.
Please do it for your children ok?
Sometimes those little irritants that you find in your partner have to be ignored. After all, they can't possibly as great as the love that led you to marry. Otherwise, you would have remained single!
Dont even think of suicide. You still have a son & wife who need you more than that insurance money. Just forget about the unfaithful woman & get professional help for yourself. Once you've sorted this out, it'll all seem like it never happened after a few yrs. Time heals all wounds.
Please help!
