Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

Husband wants his EX move in the same building with us

6K views 80 replies 22 participants last post by  Pema5033 
#1 ·
My husband’s ex-wife is looking for a condo to live. She is a single mom with a 13 years daughter (with my husband). My husband is helping them to find a place in the same building where we currently live. He thinks that's great! We live in the same building so he can stay with his daughter as much as he wants. I don’t like this idea, I feel I am going to share my husband with another woman. He says I am sick. Am I sick?
 
#5 ·
I don't think it's a good idea either. If the ex was remarried.....maybe.....but being a single mom there's no good boundary for her to not try wooing him back. I mean, what if he goes downstairs or whatever one day to get his daughter, who happens to not be home yet, however the ex just so happened to get out of the shower and answers the door in a towel......well....you can see where I'm going with that.

Boundaries.....you gotta have them.....
 
#8 ·
Thank you all. Yes, many times I feel my husband doesn’t listen to me very well. I remember one day when we chatting after dinner, I told him our warehouse guy not very polite, instead of stopping the forklift letting me go first, he made me standing there for a while waiting and waiting until he finished his work. I wish my husband could say something to comfort me, but he says: the warehouse guy doing this because he doesn’t like me! I felt very insulted, but he said this is the American way, this normal. He said our Asian couture is too different with American culture.
 
#11 ·
I would not be okay with that. Wonder how he would feel if you had an ex that moved into your building..... Men sometimes surprise me they can be so controling but if the shoe was on the other foot. Look out
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pema5033
#14 ·
My husband is helping them to find a place in the same building where we currently live. He thinks that's great! We live in the same building so he can stay with his daughter as much as he wants. ... He says I am sick. Am I sick?
No, you are NOT sick. And why, pray tell, can't his ADULT wife find a place of her own? Being close to his daughter is one thing, but this idea sucks.

Just how much does he want to be with his daughter? What are his current visitation privileges?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pema5033
#16 ·
Your husband needs to take your feelings into consideration. I would feel uncomfortable bumping into my husbands ex when I left my condo. She doesn't have to be in the same condo or town. What about one town over. That should be close enough to visit his daughter on a regular basis without you having to bump into his ex every time you turn around.

When she has homework her mother can't help her with she comes over. Or better yet what about a tutor. I can't help my 14 year old with his math. If he gets confused he looks up how to do it online. That's just a lame excuse. You should really get him into counseling before he does this and it's to late.
 
#20 ·
I'm not american, but from what i know, no, this isn't the "american way". Is this single mom alone, not in a relationship? If that is so, even worse. Disaster waiting to happen. I understand the daughter thing, but she is 13 so she can come and visit and doesn't need to actually live in the same building.
 
#27 ·
My 7 year old broke down and was saying he wanted me and my ex back together (I told him he was to younger to remember how bad mommy and daddy were together) His dad just remarried and my son doesnt care for her at all..... :(
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pema5033
#30 ·
This problem may solve itself.

Maybe the condo association will reject her application or something like it. I wouldn't want to live anywhere near my ex's family and I have children with him... talk about sick. That lady needs her head examined for even wanting to move that close.

It would be better if the child moved in with you than what your husband wants to do OP. It's disrespecting you and your space 100%.
 
#34 ·
This lady calls my husband very often. Especially when she gets lost, my husband has to explain to her how to drive to her destination. She has a GPS but she likes to call him. My husband loves to help her because his daughter in her car(he says).
 
#32 ·
HELL no

i love my kids from my husbands first marriage..the are adults now one living with us and one with her, but when they were teens there is NO WAY in hell i would allow her to move that close. we own our home. i would SELL if she moved in on our street.

I made the mistake many years ago of letting her stay here for two nights as she had left her current bf due to what she said was abuse and i didnt know what to do she had no where to go until her sister got home from vacation that weekend., I did it for the child, but I took both days off work. no way in hell was i leaving her home alone in my house.

it was stupid and i was angry at my hubby for ever marrying her lol

NO NO NO NO make it VERY clear to your hubby.
 
#33 ·
whatever.he can go pee into the wind with that idea.

i go outside in my cleaning outfit to empty the vacuum filter...hair in a messy bun,paint splattered yoga pants,flip flops,and a wife-beater tank top...you think i want my SO's ex seeing me like that? I'd feel like i'd always have to be on point in case i run into her skank a$$.

run into her walking the dog in the evening,run into her when you come home from work,run into her and she sees that you buy a pint of ben n jerry's ice cream every week with your groceries...

sounds like tiny stuff but I swear some of these ex's use ANY ammo they can get to be petty,snide,and to cut you down.
 
#39 ·
run into her walking the dog in the evening,run into her when you come home from work,run into her and she sees that you buy a pint of ben n jerry's ice cream every week with your groceries...

sounds like tiny stuff but I swear some of these ex's use ANY ammo they can get to be petty,snide,and to cut you down.
I have told my husband very clearly, the day it happened, the day I went back to my home country but hee said I was threatening him.
 
#43 ·
I don't think the surface issue of the ex living close by is a big deal. My nine year old's father moved in two blocks away (into the apt I lived in when I started dating my husband ironically) in my very small town. It meant seeing him around all the time, but my son could just walk over for his visits. However, I have zero contact with my ex other than related to the child. Sounds like you are in a sticky spot.
 
#46 · (Edited)
Yes, I agree. If they lived two blocks away, that would be fine with me too. But if they lived downstairs, we have to share the same parking lot, the same entrance,the same elevator, the same security officers, same mail men, same swimming pool, same Jacuzzi, same condo’s officer, same neighbors, that would be a BIG trouble for me. I have already felt very uncomfortable when I think about it.
 
#51 ·
Sounds like princess would love any building where Daddy and Mommy lived...if she has ideas about them getting back together, even behind your back, and so does Mommy...then what is better than living in the same building!!

There will be so many reasons why your husband needs to 'pop round' to help them out, you won't believe it...the a/c is broken, my TV is faulty, homework, putting a new bed together...you see where that could be going right?

How awful of him to put his wife in such a bad position...almost like making you choose between them. Very inconsiderate.

I think you should print off all these replies and show them to him.

And what about you spending a day checking out condos in the neighborhood and giving him the details. At 13/14 she will be able to walk or bike to your place.
 
#56 ·
and that way you will look supportive :) I like the idea... and yes if she cant even drive somewhere without consulting him don't you think she will be calling having him at her beck and call.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pema5033
#59 ·
Good question. I really don’t know why. she initiate it.

According to my husband, after the EX giving birth, she was very depressed, one day she told him she wanted divorce. That time the baby only a couple of months old and they only married one more year.
 
#60 ·
Hmm is there a chance she could have changed her mind and maybe they have something going on? To me in my mind she has no respect for you and your husbands marriage. Any woman that would call like that with it not having anything directly doing with daughter doesnt care about you....And the fact that he doesn't take up for you and your marriage to her really urks me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pema5033
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top