dbrach

So I've been with my girl awhile; a year and a half. We we're hanging out the other night (a couple weeks ago) and I asked the dumbest question ever, "How many people have you slept with?" She thinks for a second, counts it up and blurts out "17 inlcuding you." I was like "WHOA!!" I mean she's pretty low key and cool or whatever and extremely attractive. So I figured 10 or so maybe less. We're both 32 years old.

So since that night I've been obessing about 16 other dudes having it with my girl and it's driving me crazy. I can't get it out of my head. It's like a mind movie has been playing for 2 weeks. Going through the dudes faces I know about getting it on with her.

This is what I've been breaking down: I've known her since high school, through college and after college and she dates guys for years not just has flings here and there (or so I thought). I know she's committed at least 12 years to relationships. 3 guys (8-9 years), 1 guy (1 year), me (1.5 year) and some other douche 6 months. So that leaves 5 years for 11 ****s if she's been having sex since 15 (again we're 32). That's a different one every 5 months or so for 5 years. Take out a month or two for hooking up and she could have a new one every 90 days. That's some heavy stuff. Gross.

I'm lower than that number; around 14 (few long term relationships) and I always figured I'd find a girl who was a little more let's call it refrained. I mean her and I went out for a few weeks, or maybe a month, before we got going; few dates, walks in the park, blah blah blah; then it was on. So I just figured she wasn't easy.

And I know; take 17 times by 3 and this is the real number. I think she's being honest so there would be no reason to think that. Maybe if she had said "6 including you" you could call me a skeptic.

Is this a high number? Or am I over reacting? I've never asked a girlfriend that question cause I never really cared. It's odd that I almost feel weird about this girl now. I probably should have kept my mouth shut. Any thoughts?

A Bit Much

I hate to be blunt...

But boy that was dumb! You asked for it. Now deal with it. It IS odd you feel weird now. You can't handle a question YOU asked her. Sheesh.

Does she know now that you'll be judging her all the time? How does she feel about that?

keko

Correct.

Is she a partying type?

J.R.Jefferis

Hey, if you go looking for the truth you gotta be prepared to handle it. Anyways, I don't think 17 partners is very high for a 32 year old single woman. Not in this day and age. Just think of the number of partners that a lot of people have just in 4 years of college. I am not condoning this by any means...just saying that that number doesn't seem abnormal to me. Quite the opposite actually.

JR

__________________
The Love Digest

occasionallybaffled

So she has 17 and you are "around 14" (which means 14+) this upsets you? Double standard.

__________________
The world is full of too many people... for two people to remain together... if one/both are truly unhappy and unwilling to change.

one_strange_otter

Ok, your both the same age. You've put your d1ck in 14 women. She's had only 3 more d1cks than that in her. Yet she's somehow the slvt? My number is 2 and I'm 36. A ONS and 14 yrs of monogamy. She's had more than you so you say she's a slvt. You've had 7 times more than me so your a slvt to me. I guess it's all about perspective huh? Your basically the same so yes your over reacting.

norajane

THIS.

She's the EXACT same person she was before you asked her how many men she slept with. The EXACT SAME person. Nothing changed about her, but now you are applying a double standard to behavior that you also have engaged in.

SimplyAmorous

How very TRUE this is -for this day & age. Do I think it is a sad state - I do! Sex is far too casual, I will never see it as a good thing for our society. That is just my personal opinion. But it ain't gonna be stopping any time soon.


Dbrach.... You are only a few digits lower at 14, seems you are very comparable in how you handled your relationships & sex lives.

It's not like you was expecting an old fashioned woman, right ? Wouldn't that be more "off" .... beings you had 14.....what if she only had 2 or 3 ? What if she was hung up on how you handled yourself -going to bed quickly in those many short term relationships...devoid of any commitment.

I guess I don't understand why those who have such similar numbers get hung up on it....makes little sense to me...if you judge her...you must point the finger right back at yourself...

If you was a man who only slept with 1 or 2 long term partners, I could see it, but not what you describe here. Seems Equal in the game of love & pleasureable nights to me.

Personally I think it is best to know these things before getting hitched... and "deal" with them, if insecurities is rearing it's ugly little head, deal with it, or if you are tempted to JUDGE her past behavior, this also needs dealt with.....it is a part of her history (and yours)....which = a part of who you both have become... I just don't see the hurdle to your dilemma.... you both seem to share similar views on "premarital" sex. Wouldn't you agree?

If that was NOT the case, then I could see an issue.

I think people have levels of what is acceptable to them personally -given their values & morals.

__________________
"Love Good Blog"

2ntnuf

Almost sounds like it has ruined your opinion of her. If that is true, you will need to address that before you two can move forward. It will rear it's ugly head in the future if you don't.
My ex was a partier. Unfortunately, she did not own up to it. I was not and told her so. It did not make a difference to me until after we were married and she started wanting to party(read looking for some). That is when the lies started. I wanted to believe her. What a fool I am.
I say, just back off on that relationship till you can deal with your issues. Date other women. Have fun. It is what will happen anyway if you are not satisfied now.
No strong relationship can be built on unresolved issues. They must be dealt with first.

occasionallybaffled

Also, if you asked for her number and after she told you... you were silent/just said oh ok... I can guarantee that she is feeling awkward in some way. You've been together long enough that I'm sure she was expecting you to share yours as well.

__________________
The world is full of too many people... for two people to remain together... if one/both are truly unhappy and unwilling to change.

DayDream

I guess you got exactly what you asked for. Maybe you should have told her before you two got serious the number of men that was acceptable to you for her to have slept with before you?

In all seriousness though, get yourself checked out for any STDs and if there are no problems than who cares? You da man now!

River1977

What I think is gross is you calling her gross when you are no better than she is and calculating trying to figure it out as if she gave you license to judge her. It's ridiculous, your double standard. Why is supposed to be okay for you to hump everything that walked by?

workaholic

Yowza! You sure get what you ask for! Both at home and here, lol.
Dude, I wouldn't worry about it. If she hasn't brought it up in the bedroom, no reason for you to concern yourself with a past you weren't a part of.
Posted via Mobile Device

barcafan

I am from a culture where virginity is a really big deal and I really would not marry a girl that was not a virgin....However...since you mention that you thought it would have been somewhere around 10 but are now disappointed that it's 17 is fairly illogical...sorry for being blunt but it makes no sense to be upset about 17 if you would have been okay with 10. Don't let it affect your relationship if you are happy otherwise.

RClawson

I do not know what kind of value system you were raised with or how you were conditioned growing up but every time I see one of these "how many were you with" posts and see how some people get upset about it I find it amusing. We live in a society where most people are pretty casual about sex and it never seems to matter how casual someone is until they get serious with them. Then numbers become significant.

I have to say that waiting until marriage I always thought I was missing out looking back but this site has changed my mind.