First off ConanHub, thanks for referring to me as a young lady! I just celebrated 39 years, and am not feeling overly young these days.
I have loved sex in the past with certain boyfriends, and I even enjoyed it a bit more with H before we were engaged. Hubby was a virgin when we met, and hasn't exactly been easy to teach when it comes to between-the-sheets activities. He outright hurt me during our earlier days, not meaning to of course, but I thought of it more like a kid in a candy shop: utter excitement to the point of not really being aware. So, I covered up certain areas of my body because I got tired of being hurt, of telling him to please be more gentle, and of having to deal with that every time we were in a sexual situation. I covered up for a good long while, and he never questioned anything. Eventually (a couple years later), I told him the reasoning, and he was a bit surprised (he had forgotten that I told him how much his touch (pinching, biting) hurt).
I've been thinking about this A LOT lately because I want to get to the root of the problem. And so, another reason that I can't seem to get over the lack of sexual enjoyment is that when we first moved in together, and for quite some time after that, he treated our living situation like that of roommates. He would wash up the towels that he used on wash day, and leave all the others for me to wash. He would pick through the dirty pile of dishes for the ones that he used, and leave the rest for me to do. I should've nipped this is the butt right away, but I guess I thought that he would change his ways, or that maybe he was in a rush. Nope, his reasoning: he didn't think to do the rest of the towels, and he didn't know that the other dishes were dirty. And so began a vicious cycle of thinking about our relationship as that of roommates. I still think of it that way, and I consider him to be more of a buddy or a brother now, which makes sex extremely uncomfortable!
So now, I enjoy pleasuring myself, and dreaming about the day when I'll have an equal in life, someone who is less socially awkward, who is genuine and doesn't put on faces to get what he wants, who is OK with putting others before himself sometimes, and someone who I'm sexually attracted to, to the point of daydreaming about ripping their clothes off at the end of the day.
Ok young lady. You planted the hook. Please, by all means, elaborate.✨