Hi all. New here. Found the site via google. Didn't know where else to turn.
My wife and I have been married a little over a year; together for over 3. I love her. I really do. She's a beautiful, brutally honest, loyal woman. But I'm starting to think that we're too different to be happy together.
A few months after we started dating, we took a weekend beach trip together and had a mind-blowing argument in the hotel room in which every fiber of my being told me to drive her back home, drop her off, and never look back. But I didn't. I've been accused of "giving up" too easily before, and I didn't want to make that mistake yet again. Besides, when things are good, they're great, and I didn't want to let a nasty argument wreck what I thought we could have together.
The months progressed and we grew closer and closer, with the occasional "what the hell am I doing with her?" thought crossing my mind after an argument of diametrically-opposed viewpoints, but I told myself I was being stubborn and short-sighted, and reconciliation happened smoothly. It seemed like some days, we were on two different planets. She never had a lot of friends and truthfully neither did I, but I did have a group of about 4 guys I hung out with fairly regularly and while I am no social butterfly, I am 10 times more social than her. She's totally fine seeing friends once every blue moon or less. Personally, I get really sick of hanging out with the same person with no change in sight. No big deal, at least at the time, because I figured she's just shy (which she is) and if I want, I can hop in the car and see friends or family. She is a very moody, sarcastic person and to someone who doesn't know her, she comes off like a real b---- sometimes. She's not... well, she can be, but most of the time I realize she's just a bit socially awkward and moody and let it go.
Fast forward about 2 years, we get married and decide to leave the city we were in (my home town... her home for the past 7 years) and move 1000 miles away to a warmer climate where we know nobody, and try to make a go of it in a new land. Long story short - after a year and change, I can confidently say this place pretty much sucks and I feel like I'm in a prison. We both have great jobs here but making friends has been extraordinarily difficult because of our schedules (I work evenings and have made lots of work friends but 1 real-life pseudo-friend. She works nights and the people she's met live an hour away and are seemingly hermits.). I miss my friends and family terribly although I think what I really miss is regular social interaction with people other than her. I hate the weather down here. I hate the fact that the little bit of free time we both have is spent sleeping or doing the one thing she loves - going out to dinner. I am bored out of my mind and every time I bring up how much I want us to leave this place she gets angry, so I've stopped talking about it. I just can't foresee how much longer I can live in a situation where every day repeats itself and I'm somewhat forced into hanging out with the same person ad nauseum. Plus, this city we're in is not somewhere I'd want to raise a child. I've told her as much and that this place, this state really, is off the table if we're going down that road.
I've taken her out a few times with the very small group of people I know outside of work and it's almost as if she just cops an anti-social attitude just to piss me off. She did this back home a few times when meeting my friends. My friends back home are some of the nicest, warmest, friendliest people around and she acts like a block of ice and expresses NO desire to hang out with them again unless I drag her out. I've never been with a woman who is less social than I am, and it irritates me.
Most of her time off work is spent sleeping, watching tv and drinking wine, or running errands. Without fail, if I have to work an evening when she's off, I'll come home and find her on the couch watching <insert garbage Bravo channel show here> polishing off (or already having polished off) a bottle of wine. I've told her I think she drinks too much and she just looks at me like I'm an alien and ignores me. Her life is either full speed ahead (very demanding, challenging work) or in recovery mode; nothing in between. When I'm ready to go, she's at rest, and vice-versa.
Moving back home, at least married, is out. She wants nothing to do with my home town. Aside from the crappy winters and high cost, I wouldn't mind going back, but even if we lived a couple hours away I'd be find with that, too. She gets SO UPSET when I talk about moving closer to home, as if it's a natural defense mechanism designed to keep me away from people I know and all for herself, and that paradoxically drives me away from her (to be fair, she wants nothing to do with her hometown either, which is even further north). I think back to girlfriends I've had in the past who would positively encourage me to see my friends... have "guy night" etc. My god, if I told my wife I was going out without her, I'd get the look of death. And of course, if I were to ever react negatively, she'd just cop a 'tude about it and we'd fight.
Our lease runs through next March and I'm counting the days. Can't come soon enough. I've told myself that I'm part of the problem since she's relatively content (for now) with our living situation and I'm already in out-of-here mode mentally. I'm 35. I have no desire to waste years of my life wasting away in a town I don't want to be in. I've made numerous suggestions as to where we could go, but she never does. She seems fine with rotting away in this place, away from everything she has ever known.
The point of all this rambling is that I find myself really resenting her, and expressing no desire sexually (I have always been very sexually active. Faithful, safe, but active.) and I can tell she's resentful in turn to me about it. Between her moodiness, excessive alcohol consumption on most free nights, and malaise, oh and EXTREME resistance to talking about ways to improve the situation, I don't know what to do anymore. I really hate the fact that she squashes anything to do with living closer to our friends/families but offers no suggestions either.
It's dragging me down on a daily basis. Some days I just want to pack a bag and kiss her goodbye. She's not a bad person, but I don't know if we're right for each other anymore. If I'm having these thoughts after just 1 year of marriage, I'm worried that we're doomed.
My wife and I have been married a little over a year; together for over 3. I love her. I really do. She's a beautiful, brutally honest, loyal woman. But I'm starting to think that we're too different to be happy together.
A few months after we started dating, we took a weekend beach trip together and had a mind-blowing argument in the hotel room in which every fiber of my being told me to drive her back home, drop her off, and never look back. But I didn't. I've been accused of "giving up" too easily before, and I didn't want to make that mistake yet again. Besides, when things are good, they're great, and I didn't want to let a nasty argument wreck what I thought we could have together.
The months progressed and we grew closer and closer, with the occasional "what the hell am I doing with her?" thought crossing my mind after an argument of diametrically-opposed viewpoints, but I told myself I was being stubborn and short-sighted, and reconciliation happened smoothly. It seemed like some days, we were on two different planets. She never had a lot of friends and truthfully neither did I, but I did have a group of about 4 guys I hung out with fairly regularly and while I am no social butterfly, I am 10 times more social than her. She's totally fine seeing friends once every blue moon or less. Personally, I get really sick of hanging out with the same person with no change in sight. No big deal, at least at the time, because I figured she's just shy (which she is) and if I want, I can hop in the car and see friends or family. She is a very moody, sarcastic person and to someone who doesn't know her, she comes off like a real b---- sometimes. She's not... well, she can be, but most of the time I realize she's just a bit socially awkward and moody and let it go.
Fast forward about 2 years, we get married and decide to leave the city we were in (my home town... her home for the past 7 years) and move 1000 miles away to a warmer climate where we know nobody, and try to make a go of it in a new land. Long story short - after a year and change, I can confidently say this place pretty much sucks and I feel like I'm in a prison. We both have great jobs here but making friends has been extraordinarily difficult because of our schedules (I work evenings and have made lots of work friends but 1 real-life pseudo-friend. She works nights and the people she's met live an hour away and are seemingly hermits.). I miss my friends and family terribly although I think what I really miss is regular social interaction with people other than her. I hate the weather down here. I hate the fact that the little bit of free time we both have is spent sleeping or doing the one thing she loves - going out to dinner. I am bored out of my mind and every time I bring up how much I want us to leave this place she gets angry, so I've stopped talking about it. I just can't foresee how much longer I can live in a situation where every day repeats itself and I'm somewhat forced into hanging out with the same person ad nauseum. Plus, this city we're in is not somewhere I'd want to raise a child. I've told her as much and that this place, this state really, is off the table if we're going down that road.
I've taken her out a few times with the very small group of people I know outside of work and it's almost as if she just cops an anti-social attitude just to piss me off. She did this back home a few times when meeting my friends. My friends back home are some of the nicest, warmest, friendliest people around and she acts like a block of ice and expresses NO desire to hang out with them again unless I drag her out. I've never been with a woman who is less social than I am, and it irritates me.
Most of her time off work is spent sleeping, watching tv and drinking wine, or running errands. Without fail, if I have to work an evening when she's off, I'll come home and find her on the couch watching <insert garbage Bravo channel show here> polishing off (or already having polished off) a bottle of wine. I've told her I think she drinks too much and she just looks at me like I'm an alien and ignores me. Her life is either full speed ahead (very demanding, challenging work) or in recovery mode; nothing in between. When I'm ready to go, she's at rest, and vice-versa.
Moving back home, at least married, is out. She wants nothing to do with my home town. Aside from the crappy winters and high cost, I wouldn't mind going back, but even if we lived a couple hours away I'd be find with that, too. She gets SO UPSET when I talk about moving closer to home, as if it's a natural defense mechanism designed to keep me away from people I know and all for herself, and that paradoxically drives me away from her (to be fair, she wants nothing to do with her hometown either, which is even further north). I think back to girlfriends I've had in the past who would positively encourage me to see my friends... have "guy night" etc. My god, if I told my wife I was going out without her, I'd get the look of death. And of course, if I were to ever react negatively, she'd just cop a 'tude about it and we'd fight.
Our lease runs through next March and I'm counting the days. Can't come soon enough. I've told myself that I'm part of the problem since she's relatively content (for now) with our living situation and I'm already in out-of-here mode mentally. I'm 35. I have no desire to waste years of my life wasting away in a town I don't want to be in. I've made numerous suggestions as to where we could go, but she never does. She seems fine with rotting away in this place, away from everything she has ever known.
The point of all this rambling is that I find myself really resenting her, and expressing no desire sexually (I have always been very sexually active. Faithful, safe, but active.) and I can tell she's resentful in turn to me about it. Between her moodiness, excessive alcohol consumption on most free nights, and malaise, oh and EXTREME resistance to talking about ways to improve the situation, I don't know what to do anymore. I really hate the fact that she squashes anything to do with living closer to our friends/families but offers no suggestions either.
It's dragging me down on a daily basis. Some days I just want to pack a bag and kiss her goodbye. She's not a bad person, but I don't know if we're right for each other anymore. If I'm having these thoughts after just 1 year of marriage, I'm worried that we're doomed.