First of all, I hope your shoulder healed ok.
Secondly, if he's writing these instances down, maybe you should too. Then, when he's in a good (or great) mood, try sharing notes with one another. If he's open to the discussion, then go from there. But remember to try not to show any sort of frustration or impatience. He might not want to share notes. If not, then you can still keep yours and perhaps include things that you might have done or said to him to set him off. This is not to say that it's your fault all the time. But in my experience, I've learned that sometimes there are subconscious buttons that we push w/out realizing it until we do some self analysis.
Last, you mentioned that he gets mad at you for getting mad at him. Well, when you get mad at him, what do you do? Yell? Huff & puff? Slam things? Ignore him? How does he know you're mad at him? You say he accuses you of being abusive...in what way? Maybe the next time, when you're mad, take a few deep breaths and try to calmly discuss with him what is bothering you. If he flairs up, let him be the only one. If he stomps out, let him. When he has calmed down and is ready to communicate again, then try to bring up the subject again, letting him know that it's still something that bothered you.
I'm starting to reread a book called "How to Talk So Your Mate Will Listen and Listen So Your Mate Will Talk
". It has some really good points on how to get through that angry/hurtful exterior to try to actually reach your mate. You might find it helpful.