 Am I asking too much?
A poster suggested I put this question over here to get a few more responses.
A little back story, we’ve been married for just about a year, and were together before hand for just over three, so in total about 4 years, we were also friends for about a year before dating. My husband is 15 years older than I am, I was 20 when I first met him, though the actual age doesn’t bother me there was a lot of things to consider when marrying an older man, it wasn’t something that I decided on lightly.
We discussed our goals and priorities before engagement and marriage and I was under the assumption that we were on the same page. We were both over weight at the time and had less than stellar family histories so it was something that we both wanted, to get healthier together.
Over the past 2 years I have managed to drop the weight, roughly 80 lbs and I’ve changed my life significantly, while he has yet to commit to the process. A few months before our marriage I told him that I wasn’t willing to sit idly by while he continued to live an unhealthy lifestyle, I wouldn’t stick around to watch him die, my father died at 46 due to an illness that may have been completely preventable. He agreed and said that having me as his wife would be all the motivation he needed. While I understand, and agree with fully, the part of marriage vows that state in sickness and health, and I would NEVER consider leaving him due to him becoming ill suddenly, his issues are all things that can easily be remedied, type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol.
I have made EVERY single effort to help him out, I do not buy junk food for the house, I encourage him to exercise with me (simple walks with our dogs, hiking, cycling, etc), I’m always researching foods for him, cooking very healthy meals at home but nothing works. He continues to eat fast food while I’m working, he is always going out to buy snacks and won’t commit to a regular exercise plan, he is currently almost 100 lbs over weight and he has actually gained weight since our marriage last year.
It has NOTHING to do with physical appearance, I still find him attractive (albeit the laziness is starting to get to me) but I want a husband that is going to be around long enough to enjoy a full life with, I want a baby and I don’t want to have to explain to my child, as my mom had to me when I was 16 that there weren’t going to be many days left with dad. I realize there are NO garantees in life but I feel like I’ve made the effort to become healthier, so why can’t he make even the slightest effort? I was VERY clear to him that changes needed to be made, and that I would do everything in my power to help him, that I understood it wasn’t an easy process, and that I didn’t expect things to happen over night, but I needed to see SOME changes or I was going to leave.
In the year we have been married he has made no changes whatsoever, and every time I bring it up he says that he doesn’t want me to go and that I’m important and he’ll make the effort. He will do well for a few days and then he’s back at McDonalds.
I don’t want to have to babysit him for the rest of my life, and I don’t think I should have to, I work a full time job I cook, I clean, I pay my share of the bills, I don’t ask him for much, all I want is a healthy husband.
Am I asking too much? We are best friends, we are SO comfortable with eachother, when it comes to health (and money, whole other issue) we seem to be on totally seperate pages. I don't feel like I'm asking for the world, am I being unreasonable?
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