08-01-2012, 06:39 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
| | newlyweds with communication issues
When my husband is stressed out he gets a very short fuse and he starts fights and argues with me about anything and everything. A fight could start over something as small as me not picking up a piece of lint off the carpet floor which leads to a long dragging fight about how I am so lazy and an absolute waste of his time. He becomes very emotionally and verbally abusive during these fights and if i don't respond or answer the way he wants me to then he becomes even more angry and heated and truthfully, scary. Now, i am not scared of my husband and usually he is a very nice man but when he is stressed a whole new person comes out. I have not always had thick skin and i am still working on that. I feel like i am in a very loving relationship, when we are not fighting but since we got married the fights have increased and i feel like i can't do anything right. I work 40-50 hours a week, am going to school full time and still find time to spend with my husband and get things done around the house. But all this is not enough for my husband. We fight all the time now and some days he refuses to talk with me which i find very childish yet he calls me the child. I know that it takes two and i know there are things I can work on myself. I tend to be forgetful and to aid myself with that post its and notes to myself have become my best friend in fixing that issue. I come from a clumsy messy family and have worked hard to better myself about those faults. But i am only human and can't remember everything and be perfect. Last night we had a huge fight about something i think is stupid but he is making it into a life or death situation and my husband has not spoken with me since 9:00pm last night. If i try to talk to him he pretends i'm not even there. Not responding to calls, texts, or emails. This is not uncommon during these fights but it has not lasted this long before ever. I feel like he is being unreasonable but whenever i bring up his controlling tendencies he somehow manages to turn everything around on me making me feel and look like everything is always my fault. I love my husband and i don't want to leave him or divorce him. I'm happy we got married but when he gets like this i question if i can maintain a relationship like this. Everything gets turned around and put onto me. I'm at a loss as to what i can do. I communicate with him. I let him know what's going on in my life yet he still complains that i don't communicate, that i don't help him, and since i don't do all these things, i don't respect. He could not be more wrong. I respect him to the highest and i do sweet little things to show him that i care. But if i mess up on 1 little thing it makes anything good i've done absolute. And with his gruff and tough demeanor when i talk to him about how i feel and how to move forward from there he thinks that talking about feelings has nothing to do with what we are going through. When i think it has everything to do with what we're going through. I have suggested counseling and he refuses. Any thoughts, comments, or advice? At this point anything will help.