General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
meh, i think think you guys misunderstood my post... i'm not serving her with hopes of her running back to me... quite the contrary, i want her gone so i can move on.
my question, and experience, was simply an observation of behavior. i thought it was odd that she hasn't fought it, which seemed cold to me. but either way, I'm not letting that dictate my course of action, nor did i do this to "win" her back - that's completely asinine.
I was surprised my wife didn't put up more of a "fight" after I initiated our separation. But I was just as happy she didn't, as I had no plans to change my mind anyway.
She's actually pulled an almost perfect 180, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what that is. But that's just made it easier for me. Hopefully, it's also helped her move on quicker as well, as I only wish her well.
meh, i think think you guys misunderstood my post... i'm not serving her with hopes of her running back to me... quite the contrary, i want her gone so i can move on.
my question, and experience, was simply an observation of behavior. i thought it was odd that she hasn't fought it, which seemed cold to me. but either way, I'm not letting that dictate my course of action, nor did i do this to "win" her back - that's completely asinine.
This reminds me of my husband's ex. She moved out and was living with her boyfriend 6 months before I met him. The divorce papers had even been filed.
When she found out that he met me and we were dating her comment was that she was shocked that he had moved on so quickly.
You have filed for divorce but you want her to want you back? It's a silly thing a lot of people do. Why should she try to get you to change your mind when you clearly want to move on.
If you served, or were served divorce papers, wouldnt you try to win your spouse back? Or if you were the one doing the serving, wouldn't you expect your SO to stop you?
Not always.
SOme people take it as a sign when being served that it's the end game. Adn they respond.
Or if someone serves they may mean it (what else would be the point of serving someone D papers)?
IMO, if you do something as major as serving someone with divorce papers, you better be 100% sure about it because there may be no turning back...
Agreed. I can't imagine anythin gmore insane that serving someone w/ divorce papers and then expecting them to grovel at your feet. That's a mindfvck. That's not how it works. Serving someone with D papers is MAJOR. Divorce means "Termination" of a marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mattyjman
my question, and experience, was simply an observation of behavior.i thought it was odd that she hasn't fought it, which seemed cold to me.
Say what??? I disagree here, Matt.
I think i'ts much colder to servce someone w/ divorce papers & and expect them to cry and beg you to come back. That is pretty cold, IMO.
I've known both men and women to contest a divorce. They didn't grovel or beg nor did they try to fix the marriage. I suspect they held out as some sort of legal strategy. Every spouse that held out got MORE than what they wanted in the divorce settlement. The one that filed eventually was ready to give them whatever they wanted just to be done with it.
meh, i think think you guys misunderstood my post... i'm not serving her with hopes of her running back to me... quite the contrary, i want her gone so i can move on.
I don't think anyone misunderstood your post.
The appropriate response after serving someone with divorce papers and not getting an argument would be along the lines of "well, that's a relief, this should be a relatively fast and civil divorce and we can both move on with our lifes".
Instead, it's bothering the heck out of you that you haven't heard anything from her, that she doesn't seem to be the least bit bothered by it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mattyjman
nor did i do this to "win" her back - that's completely asinine.
You go so far as to post about it on an internet message board, and dispute the nearly dozen unique and independent replies you've gotten that are telling you that you don't seem to be in touch with your own feelings, you're getting defensive and out come the insults including calling people assinine for suggesting as much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mattyjman
my question, and experience, was simply an observation of behavior.
Right, you're suddenly into epidemiology and you're doing some sort of "human behavior study" and your soon to be exwife's behavior "does not compute with expected results" so you're doing an online survey to correlate your data for future analysis.
If you served, or were served divorce papers, wouldnt you try to win your spouse back? Or if you were the one doing the serving, wouldn't you expect your SO to stop you? Posted via Mobile Device
No. By the time it reaches a lawyer's office, IMO, the time for trying to fix the relationship is long gone. These things rarely come out of the blue...
The appropriate response after serving someone with divorce papers and not getting an argument would be along the lines of "well, that's a relief, this should be a relatively fast and civil divorce and we can both move on with our lifes".
Instead, it's bothering the heck out of you that you haven't heard anything from her, that she doesn't seem to be the least bit bothered by it.
You go so far as to post about it on an internet message board, and dispute the nearly dozen unique and independent replies you've gotten that are telling you that you don't seem to be in touch with your own feelings, you're getting defensive and out come the insults including calling people assinine for suggesting as much.
Right, you're suddenly into epidemiology and you're doing some sort of "human behavior study" and your soon to be exwife's behavior "does not compute with expected results" so you're doing an online survey to correlate your data for future analysis.
Got it.
wow... i've thought some of your posts in the past have been particularly insightful, but you read WAY too far into my comments...
i love message boards, because people can take things totally out of context, and make it fit whatever scenario they see fit... in this case you thought i was calling other people on here asinine, because they were providing a converse thought than mine. However, what i said was, "nor did i do this to "win" her back - that's completely asinine." i.e. the concept that filing for divorce is a way to win someone back.
you misread my posts, and then attack me because i have a different thought than you about something... thanks for you assessment of me and my situation - however I didn't ask for it. All I asked was a simple question in the beginning, interested in knowing how others have reacted to what I have just gone through. Nothing more, nothing less. Some times it's just simpler to take things in the context that they were given, and not read into them. that's my .02 cents for you
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Re: response to a divorce request? 
