General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
If you served, or were served divorce papers, wouldnt you try to win your spouse back? Or if you were the one doing the serving, wouldn't you expect your SO to stop you? Posted via Mobile Device
When I served my ex, it wouldn't have mattered WHAT he did, I was DONE.
If, out the blue, someone walked in right now and served me on behalf of my current hubby, I'd be asking questions, but I certainly wouldn't go groveling.
Divorce doesn't happen out of the clear blue sky. Something has to have happened over time to put the spouses in that "place". You don't just wake up one day and go "I'm divorcing my spouse." But if that did indeed happen, then yes, I'll try go figure out what went wrong and rectify it, if possible. If there's no hope, then sign the papers and go.
So to answer your question, in the words of my old college pyschology professor, "it depends".
No. I think that is playing games. Never once during my 24 years of marriage did I threaten divorce. I only filed when it was obvious that it was over. I don't think filing for divorce is a ploy to get someone back.
No. I think that is playing games. Never once during my 24 years of marriage did I threaten divorce. I only filed when it was obvious that it was over. I don't think filing for divorce is a ploy to get someone back.
nor do I, however, I'm not certain my stbxw took me 100% seriously when I was telling her i was unsatisfied. Now, after we have begun the process, she's said absolutely mystifies me that she hasn't tried to stop it....
comes down to two things: either she doesn't care, or she wasn't really that into our marriage either...
just odd is all... i thought i would have gotten a lot more protest than i have... not like that would change my mind at all, it's just not what i expected.
If you served, or were served divorce papers, wouldnt you try to win your spouse back? Or if you were the one doing the serving, wouldn't you expect your SO to stop you? Posted via Mobile Device
Absolutely not! My ex was floored when I didn't try to win her back. My response to that was "I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. And if your willing to quit now, you'll never make it through the hard times." Posted via Mobile Device
She probably just figures that you are done... that's why you filed.
If you are at the point of not caring about the marriage... I guess she is too.
right, but you hear (and read on here) all the time about people trying to win their SO back... i guess i had conjured up some thought process about what she would do and what i would say... all for nothing to happen... it's as if i was let down, which is weird...
Sounds to me like you never really wanted to get divorced and you filed the papers as some sort of manipulative tactic so she'd change in some fashion that would be more to your liking.
It didn't happen so now you're like "WTF do I do now".
You played with fire, you got burned.
If you want to reconcile with her then you're going to have to tell her that this is not what you want.
Sounds to me like you never really wanted to get divorced and you filed the papers as some sort of manipulative tactic so she'd change in some fashion that would be more to your liking.
It didn't happen so now you're like "WTF do I do now".
You played with fire, you got burned.
If you want to reconcile with her then you're going to have to tell her that this is not what you want.
If you filed, don't care and doesn't matter what she does anymore, you're done with the marriage.
it's as if i was let down - Your quote, that means you still have feelings for her.
I'm dealing with this right now and I can tell you that if the people are still both in love and both want to be together at all there will definitely be a response to divorce request.
Someone CAN be pushed so far that they threaten or even start divorce process but it isn't what they TRULY want. They may feel they have no choice! It's never too late to TRY and to show the person you still love them and want them. If it isn't reciprocated and they follow through with the divorce at least you put your intentions out there.
I'd be divorced UNHAPPILY right now if I didn't let my wife know that was NOT what I wanted.
If the person being served or advised of divorce does nothing then they want it too (or at least it appears that way)... my two cents
meh, i think think you guys misunderstood my post... i'm not serving her with hopes of her running back to me... quite the contrary, i want her gone so i can move on.
my question, and experience, was simply an observation of behavior. i thought it was odd that she hasn't fought it, which seemed cold to me. but either way, I'm not letting that dictate my course of action, nor did i do this to "win" her back - that's completely asinine.
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response to a divorce request? 
