Englishguy

Thanks Confused & martino - I'm inclined to agree that all these get in touch with your past things can be a bit dangerous, the past is another country, they do things differently there, right? My issue is with the secrecy, not with having contact with your ex's per se, although personally I never feel the need, I live for today and tomorrow, and learn from yesterday. But that's my view, not necessarily hers. And I have quite a few ex's, didn't get married till my early 30s.

I'm trying to tell myself to calm down & keep watching from a distance, maybe this will all blow over & seem like nothing in a couple of weeks...but a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I even feel bad snooping around, but its hard not to. Once before I stumbled over an email to a girlfriend from her ex that lead to us breaking up (she was in fact having an affair with him, and he was married) so I guess I'm a little touchy. But that makes me maybe sound like a victim, and I'm not that sort of guy. But I guess you could say trust is extremely important to me...

And I take the comments about the happiness / status of our marriage, we have our ups and downs, but I'm trying to step back and take a fresh look...

You know the English don't usually do therapy in the same way as you guys in the US seem to, but I'd like to let you all know how helpful I am finding this forum and a chance to pour it all out. Thanks again

LaBella

Englishguy,

Keep an eye and have caution, but do not over react yet.

I have a FB account same as my H, mine I opened it to keep an eye on my teenage daughter who has one, we are all friends on FB, I have a couple of ex boyfriends in there and I have been married for more than 20 yrs. I have 2 emails accounts and my whole family knows the passwords, so I have nothing to hide. I few months back one of my friends (no ex) from chldhood posted a message on FB regarding a so call relationship from us, when we were in K, and my H flip, but after a few days he realized that he was been ridiculous about his jelousy, the message was on my wall, for everybody to see, so he stop and he is Ok with it. I have tried to be more open and let him know when somebody sends me a friend request or message and we have no more problems.

If you are going to confront her, be open minded and do not accuse that is the worse way possible.

Good Luck

Englishguy

All - here's the update from last night. She works on Thursdays, so we both got home around the same time, bathed the children, then she had a pedicure appointment & went out for a bit, while I cooked dinner. After dinner, like a true Englishman, I took advantage of the nice weather and mowed the back lawn. Watching from the garden, as soon as I had started the mower she was up and stood at the pc, for about 15 minutes. Later I checked the history and, guess what, FB again. But this time, no post to the ex.

Later on, she suggested I open a fb account, to keep in touch with some of my mates from around the world - a good sign? Because we have an unusual last name, fb required some verification before they'd let me set up an account, that happened overnight, so tonight I can set it up, although I'll be busy so i might wait until Sunday.

So, I think, a positive development, and I'm playing it cool, and hoping that when i befriend her on fb she'll not have hidden the ex stuff, and life can return to normal, and I will try to learn to be more trusting.

Thanks for all your comments, advice, sympathy and well-wishes...I hope I can update you all with some really good news after the weekend (for my own theraputic reasons, if nothing else)

sadness

Hi

I would be so mad!! You are being open with her about everything, so why can't she do the same?? Why don't you start you're own fb and try find out what's going on.

Speaking of ex...my husband still keeps her pics, letters and everything. Is this normal???