08-04-2012, 11:25 AM
Join Date: Dec 2011
| | How to handle early signs of R.?
Hello all you wonderful wise people.
6 year relationship. Very in love, committed, planned to marry. Became rocky after 4 years due to work stress, depression, mental illness. I threw her out on discovering affair. I was devastated. Oddly, So was she. Awful break-up, did everything wrong. Tried to R several times, but she continued to lie, delude and see op. Finally cut the cord and went NC 10 months ago.*
Ran into her twice in the last month. I was calm, neutral, polite and brief. I walked away feeling sad, but ok. On both occasions, within the hour I had received an angry email accusing me of being either 'smug' or 'cold'. In all honesty I was/am neither.
On both occasions, I responded with a calm 'why are you so upset- you wanted me gone' type of email. Following those emails she immediately called me, in tears, apologising for her outburst. I was calm and kind and we talked for an hour plus, quickly finding our rhythm of old and laughing about silly stuff.
During the second call she tentatively asked if I wanted to meet. I had to be brave and ask about op as there is no way I want a friendship. She was honest and said she still sees him, but it's not a relationship, and not sexual. She seemed very keen for me to know this.*
She's in therapy and is addressing the issues that lead to her meltdown. I know she still loves me and i still love her...BUT!!....the list of 'buts, is endless.
How do I handle this?